Tickle me Emo

_{*Disclaimer: For those who think I absoulutely blind and deluding myself in some of the previous posts, these posts are a random jotting down of thoughts and feelings that comeby, and not a sane rational conclusion. It seems that I tend to blog when I'm feeling irrational though.
Apologies for those who were worried for my sanity}

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...when I'm blind to my way ,
there Your Spirit will pray,
As You Open my eyes to the work of Your Hands...
...In my life Your will be done...
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title courtesy of one of Kenneth Youtube Videos
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And I didnt expect to see you here today, caught me off guard
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New primers room to hang out in (old debate room)
of picnic tables and iPod dock ....and a crowd gathering round Kenneth's Laptop... a few stray glances ... and an evaporation of the happy streak I had when the emotions came back and I painfully squeeze it into a box...
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and XL snapping at me, ...dont irritate me..., Math seems to shorten people's tempers, or something else?
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(感情的事是不可以勉强的) the lousy cliche Chinese drama serial quote...
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I wish I could throw away the emotions, and leave it be, a good friendship not barried by emotional rubbish on my side... rather than a case of awkwardness and Msn chats(a negation of body language which I really suck at).
and trying to dao doesnt work, and gething daoed also sucks eitherway
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why do I dao?
To avoid that crushing feeling of suppressed emotions
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TNT dynamite? Right, "I dont want to give you false hope" thats hope for me?
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yet...
"I will take care, do what you think you should do (an up to you?)"
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given unto to you"
"My Grace is Enough"
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somehow even though chances are, ... isnt blind, yet I wonder what damage a confession would do, to purge out my feelings and let it be.
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I cant talk to XL about it
I talked too much to Tim about it
I dare not talk......to ......
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Bad idea emil...
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Yet there is alway God to confide in and talk to.