Eating the Christmas cookies before they turn bad

No matter how nice its looks
eventually it has to go, before it turns bad, unfortunately..
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ah well =(
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wish I could... keep ... forever
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but eventually, everything has to be let go off, into the hands of God
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so it is with my thoughts and emotions...
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sighs...
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only He knows...

How do you detach?

i was peering through some bunch of papers my sister left on the table while going to buy food
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other than the first part that was blasting Martin Luther (it was a Catholic Article)
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it was talking about “holy detachment”
The idea of not being attached to anyone or anything
other than God
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sighs...
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its easy to put up a front, a facade
but its difficult to change the heart
-
no matter how much you can pretend that you don’t care anymore
it still comes back...

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i was at an officer’s retreat
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try to teach a bassist how to play guitar
“most bassist cant play guitar, but most guitarist can play bass” ( i was just mentioning an observation)
“she can!!!”
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sometimes I do feel left out
its like I’m just tagging along the group
and not really part of it
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I shd learn not to procrastinate

Especially with regard to Christmas cards...
bleh...
learnt the hard way that Crayons don’t go very well with cards...
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all in a nights work...
after
ruining a card with the crayons(my black marker ran out of ink, so I substituted a black crayon, which turned out to be a disaster)
and
finishing a nicely done card(the first one in the picture), was too tired to make more...
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so Leemin and Tim will have to make do with simple notes, sorry =(

When hope came down on Christmas day

long lay the world in sin and error pinning
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth
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I never understood
how people could substitute the true glorious hope that was found when Jesus came down on earth to bring eternal life to us
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for a mere cheap santa claus/gifts/feasting/merrymaking as a mascot or representative of Christmas
or worse, a festival of drunkenness called X’mas
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Christ is the reason for Christmas
not a merry Christmas
but a blessed one
because God came down on earth
as man
to make a way for men to come to Him
so that He may be glorified
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may Christ be the centre of it all, in Christmas
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2 days to a year since i walked down that road
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I know... maybe I’ve known
that things haven’t really changed much
I’ve found out more and learnt more
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if one is better than the other
apparently even my mum thinks that way too
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after mentions of a derogative word used to describe someone
sighs... like Zhuo’er said, it can really hurt
and I guess I don’t want to be hurt
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I know there are so many differences
so I guess... maybe I really should let go...
perhaps, you’d be happier if I did that also...
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or I’ll just wait and see
it works that way too...
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as God leads ...
like KK has shown... not everything is that certain I guess,
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only God promises
that His word will stand firm
and He will remain faithful...
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cities around

velo, ngee ann and vivo
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whatever it is
-
but sighs
i wonder if i should let go and move on, completely
-
you know like... its more a matter of
sometimes I remember what a friend of mine told me last year,
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knowing a person, it wont really work out right?
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i’ve been a complete idiot sometimes
like, how would anyone in their right mind...
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like what i’ve seen
but sometimes i wonder how God works in all these...

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maybe its because I always seem to be tagging along
-
seeing stuff
and feeling sad, perhaps to the extent of jealousy
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and maybe saying it all doesn’t matter after that
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its easy to get one’s own way in everything
simply be determined about it, eventually you’ll get what you want,
like water beating down a rock and eventually eroding it down
-
i wonder if everything works that way
-
but simply put
I really don’t want to make the same mistake I made
-
not unless God says so...

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yeah
maybe Tim’s right
-
wondering why cant we be like everyone else, be interested in the stuff people are interested in
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but God is enough, and we should fix our eyes on what’s unseen, not what we see...

HK day5 / back home

i see my mum has been doing her relentless “tidying up” of my room
at the expense of messing up my corner shelf with all the stuff that are precious to me
nearly lost a heart someone gave to me during v’day this year
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you know... back to reality...
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it was a pity we couldn’t meet Petrina before we left(due to her dead phone), so it looks like it’ll be only till christmas then
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anyway the first lot of Facebook photos:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=67811&l=6fe77&id=694711676
enjoy... and help me tag =p

Split Personality

^{HK day 4}
I think i have that
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on one hand
i’m really being an idiotic ass... by having a rather don’t care selfish attitude
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on the other hand, i cant stop myself from wanting to be nice
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so it leads to being a very weird mix up
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nasty nice

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anyway Petrina couldn’t join us today, which was quite sian
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meeting her for a short while to pass stuff she left behind, which included her camera charger and...
...ahem, some stuff
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meeting her at the MTR station, she’s looking at the food package she just passed to me, lol:
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night market shopping was really fun though
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other pictures today:

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when you wish upon a star

^{HK day 3}
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Disneyland

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makes me feel happy again
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the kind of stuff that lets children have happy childhoods

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somehow
I’ve resigned for now
not going to bother
-
selfish maybe
but I simply cannot, let myself be affected by stupid things
-

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When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
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if dreams really did come true
the reality of it all
-
like destroying cynicism that comes with everything
-
if the magic we know
that real snow came from the heavens
that everything you see is not an illusion but real magic
-
and that what is seen is temporal
but what is unseen is eternal
-
and that Love is the greatest magic of all
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sighs
I wish...
after what happened this year
-
at least both of you understand
or know how it feels
to see it happening all the time
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Some Pictures(the rest in FB later):
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Festival walk

HK day 2
what it seemed like
-
I dunno
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I asked myself
why am I so selfish
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its really painful
to think in a way
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then force myself to not think that way
and feel miserable about it after that

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its become like a modified KK dec 07
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me sticking around with PC a lot
because it makes me feel better and all that.
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haha like the stupid things with buying/wearing pink socks and the lot
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and the mad shopping around temple street and ladies street

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anyway
a few random shots:
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Tim took us at the Tsim Sha Tsui MTR station
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at the Haborfront at HK Museum

Starbucks at Tsim Sha Tsui


Sports shop at Habourcity
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Facebook photos will be done later =)
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meeting into a bunch of Christian mission workers in HK
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sort of cool i guess
that we can always find fellow believers around the world

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Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
(1 Cor 13:4-7)
teach me to love Lord...

HK day 1

after what it seems to be sort of a nice long trip to Macau and then transiting to HK
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its seems like only yesterday(in reality 4 years ago) when I visited HK roughly around the same time period
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same porridge and chee chong fun store
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same insanely crowded MTR
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eitherways... a few messups, FORGOT to take my camera charger
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which meant I’m left with a camera with limited life
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should be able to last these few days i guess

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seeing Petrina again =)
haha quite fun
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and the absence of Kenneth, would on one hand grant a certain measure of freedom, albeit with less decisiveness
-
although it was really freaky being lectured by his mum in regard to teenage sex and the not
sadly...
but at least I know it wasn’t that... so it was just speculation
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although I again found out a reason.
at least i know now
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Portuguese Egg tarts from Macao (we made a detour to get it, but it was worth it)
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bumping into Wesley at Macao
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Internet NOT working =.= (so this will be published late)
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The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breathe of the Lord blows on in;
surely the people are like grass
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The grass withers, the flower fades
but the Word of our God shall stand forever
(Isa 40: 8)
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"be a good boy"

and “ a good girl“
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so weird...
why is her mum telling me that ...
like I’m prone to being naughty ...,
or some other reason...
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the dinner was nice though =)

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anyway =)
getting my specs knocked off accidentally lol
my mum and stuff
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although the point is valid, and perhaps true =.= ...
its seems like some sort of ”like“ thing for the 1:5 ratio...
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and i got Evelyn’s present , its really nice =)

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HK tmr YAY =))
I better go sleep
hehe =)

Truth

maybe I’ve been blind
or maybe... its just speculation
-
in some sense
maybe i shouldn’t...
-
“deception is a sin”
-
sometimes
you know, i really thought so
but again,
the terms of it are kind of weird
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simply put
maybe...
-
Godly character is hard to come by
Godly character is not the same as personality
-
sometimes
I wish
things had worked out the way they should have
-
maybe i wont be that grieved about stuff
if i had really let go of everything...
and moved on
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God
is what I know about You really true
what do You want to show me?
-
for all have sinned
and fallen short
of the glory of God
-
wretched sinners in the hands of an angry God
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perhaps
one day
-
we will come back to Him
into His love
mercy
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sighz
-
I need to
come in tune with God again
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I need to
be less selfish in my prayers
-
its not about what i want
but that He is glorified

Bleeding knuckles

wonder if that’s familiar to you...
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Don’t bother asking why...

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sometimes I want to just be selfish
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sometimes... denying self can be the hardest thing to do
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but how can we say we love God
if we cannot love one another?
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Zion Road

I’ve known you since you were sec 1, as one of the first few i known then...
had been praying for you, talking to you, caring for you, being a friend...
-
yet, since when did you have a right to comment about the way I manage my stuff?
especially since you have no idea what’s going on...
-
Or for that matter... other stuff as well
-
treating me like dirt
-
sighs
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I feel rather... disappointed
and betrayed...
-
like sometimes things aren’t fair
-
when I’m being nice or trying to be nice
sometimes, people just don’t appreciate it
-
and when I’m not that nice, that’s another story
instantly attack, and pick on me
emil is always the bad guy, everything is his fault...
-
I’m sick of hearing “its okay” from someone
as if people thought i was some savage who would rip someone into shreds if left alone with that person
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at least you can get to spend some time alone with him,
who at least still genuinely cares for you, and will listen
-
yet you emotionally blackmail him instead...
-
do you have a conscience
after hurting all the people i care for...
and hurting me?
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do you have a right to be angry with me
for being practical?
-
after all Tim technically was around, he wrote part of that song...
-
and also with you deciding not to be free that day
after I had booked everything, after informing you LONG ago...
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I wish you would be less petty about it...

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sighs
-
walking down that road again...
-
only love can lead me on...
because love covers a multitude of sins
-
and love cannot abide
when there is resentment
-
learning how to love
when its not easy to do so...
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Above All

maintain constant love for one another
for Love covers a multitude of sins
(1 Peter 4:8)

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talking about it
it’s hard to Love
when love isn’t appreciated
when love gets taken advantage of
when love isn’t reciprocated in the same way
-
but love... still is the greatest...
for love covers a multitude of sins...
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maybe it was strange
saying that someone needed to learn to let go
and talking about love
-
but eitherway
love God, love His rag-dolls (Love beyond Reason)
-
I remembered that... more than a year ago
and love, God’s love, has seen me through everything since then...

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on a side note... installing XP SP3 is a REAL PAIN
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took me like 12 hours plus
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Kenneth, you owe me a treat...

TnT

of a difficult sort..
a rather unstable explosive chemical
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I was talking to David
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“if you really love a person, you would want to show it by respecting the person, by giving the person space... if he/she needs it”
-
“you wouldn’t want to hurt the person...”
-
“possessiveness is not the same as love”
-
Basically
“how do you care without caring too much?”
is the question, that needs to be answered
-
but sighs
its so weird
how much hurt can a person take?
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and I respect your choices...
although some of them might hurt me,
and I might not approve of them
as long as you keep close to God, never forget Him, and glorify Him
then I’m okay...
-
because love is not self-seeking,
we all need to learn that...
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Eitherway,
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today I felt more appreciated,
Thanks =)
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glad you enjoyed yourself... =D

A breath of fresh air

which was what today was, at Downtown East
hanging around the Y5s girls/ officers
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instead of the usual crowd of Y6 BB ppl
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you all really made my day =)
Petrina, Zhuoer, Jayne, Feli, Shane, Mervyn, and the Y2s and officers
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an AFD
where I did not have to go through that stupid rollercoaster for once...
bliss...

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anyway a mad number of photos again, check out my Facebook profile to see them all, 5 albums in total
=)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Photo Booth Pictures
The Penguin Pictures
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and finally passed Pet L her penguin present haha,
glad she liked it a lot =)

Taboo

I know these little things
they have a certain amount of intent in it
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seating in 7m FC and VC KPT

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maybe mum is right
maybe I’m being taken advantage of
“you’ll let me right?”
-
I’m too nice to people sometimes... esp. certain people... *ahem...
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anyway its your choice
how you might want to respond or react
-
I’ll just keep the status quo...
run through the mills of that familiar emotional rollercoaster
-
I don’t need to say anything, you already know anyway...
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Taboo
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“kiss”
I don’t know how/why you associate me with that word???
-

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“*** doesnt wear it”
*ryan blurts out a word with rather inappropriate connotations
-
“ *** wears short it”
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I could guess it correctly
but I don’t really want to be the one guessing it
I don’t/and never approved of it...

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neither do I approve of your antics with the 2 of them
inappropriate might be the word
-
although I shouldn’t be commenting,
I’m rather touchy myself...
largely due to my own personal insecurities
-
silent observer...
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and gosh... dunno why my mum is so fickle
one moment say don’t go KK
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next moment say might as well go KK, KK cheaper than HK !!!
I assumed that was in jest...
since one moment ago she was still ranting about how dangerous Bangkok was...
-
anyway I’m not going to call up Jeremy again..
not unless God really strongly convicts me to...
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anyway
God above all
to be glorified
no matter how real or how painful or how happy things may be
Christ is, what matter after all
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so I shall learn the story... and always thank God
for placing me wherever I might be, at one moment, at anytime... for His purpose

Ultimately

Obedience is better than sacrifice...
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I guess... I wont go
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in that... God would be most glorified
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with regard to everything else
I guess...
I dont want to cry
I dont want to think about it
-
but
...faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen
Heb 11:1
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therefore I shall believe that
ultimately God will make all things beautiful in His time
one way or another...
-
I just need
to surrender to God
give in...
but not give up...
-
and let Him do whatever He pleases
-
and make my one desire Him
-
after all
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness
and all these things will be added unto you as well
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I’ve lost focus yet again
placed the cart in front of the horse so to speak(quote lua)
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placed people I cared for above God
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forgiveness
for making the same old mistake
given freely by the God who picks us up when we fall...

Childlike Faith

back to the sometimes naive... but trusting
Child-like faith in God
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who will bring everything to pass, according to His will
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perhaps... the story of Jonah...
despite the crappy day...
-
but I guess... that was my big fish...
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now... for the fish to open its mouth and vomit me on dry land...

Numbers

chapter 13-14
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14:41-43
But Moses said, "Why now are you transgressing the command of the LORD, when that will not succeed? Do not go up, for the Lord is not among you, lest you be struck down before your enemies. For there the Amalekites and the Canaanites are facing you, and you shall fall by the sword. Because you have turned back from following the LORD, the LORD will not be with you."
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40 years...
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Lord have mercy on me... =(

Overcome...

...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
(John 16:33b)

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I don’t know... :’(
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but I know... He holds the future...
and I know He holds my hand...

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RS...
I remember beginnings
-
how it was just me with a injured junior
how it was to share...
-
but I dunno what happened in between
sighz...

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it would have made all the difference
-
if it was you who was willing to soak your shoes, to go out there,
rather than telling me to go ‘score’... and telling me ‘I dont want’...
-
and if it wasn’t you who was discussing stuff with Lua a few months back...
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and if you didn’t have certain images in your library
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and if you didn’t respond when i mentioned something
-
but as it is...
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deception and lies

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strange thoughts were passing through my mind as we crossed over to the Habourfront bus terminal
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wondering what it would be like to have something big and heavy ram into me
wondering what it would be like to be hovering over a scene...
-
evidently, something is seriously wrong with me now...
sighz...
-

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wondering what it would be like
if things a few months ago
worked out how i thought it could have worked out...
-
then I wouldn’t be in this mess as it is...
or maybe I would be in a different sort of mess...
-
sighz
I wish... :’(

PCG

you were the one who told me to not cling to false hope 11 months ago...
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“you can give... ...a hug on my behalf”
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I really wish i could... you know... ...
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talking to you
and making your screen do funny things was fun though... =)
-
haha
-
have fun in mapleleaf land and don’t freeze to death =)

KK

somehow... i realise... I really don’t have the time...
-
In that case...
sighs
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Remember this and consider,
Recall it to mind, you transgressors,
remember the former things of old;
for I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is no one like me,
declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, "My purpose shall stand, and I will fulfill my intention,"
calling a bird of prey from the east,
the man for my purpose from a far country.
I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have planned, and I will do it.
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(Isaiah 46:8-11)
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in that case...
sighs
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I should also honour my mum’s concerns
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as for KK, not this time perhaps
-
God gave me a choice
I took it...
and He closed doors after that
while opening others,
-
which He definitely did
“with God all things are possible...”
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May the name of the Lord be praised...

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for other stuff
-
you know my hearts desires
-
Lord if its you’re will, grant them to me
-
if its not, change my heart...

Security Camera

decided to watch WALL-E over the net (via video sharing websites)
-
robots falling in love seems a little far fetched to me, I must say
-
and the subtle dark tone of the movie,
reminded me greatly of Huxley’s “A Brave New World”
Degenerative Utopia
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there was one scene
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I begin to wonder
-
like if we could take a replay tape
and see everything that we missed out
-
like Harry Potter’s Pensive
-
how would things be?
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maybe there isn’t a need
maybe it’s already known
-
we shall see how
Time will tell... as God’s will unfolds

Optimism

Articles on wikipedia, especially that of social science... tend to be unreliable
-

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God... please give me the assurance
that you know best
that you will make everything beautiful in Your time
-

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the thing
that haunts me the most
and saddens me the most
-
is the LM like behaviour,
-
upon stuff being said
which suggests more than what it is
-
a reaction...
overreaction...
-

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I keep plunging into episodes of the “sinking feeling”
-
from time to time...
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I’ve realised
that in every aspect of life...
the need to “enquire of the Lord”
seek God’s direction and will
-
the world will tell you to “move on”
to stick to what the soul - reason, tells you
-
what is seen
what is unseen
-

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I still firmly believe
that as the rain and snow comes down from heaven
and does not return without first watering the earth...
-
So it is with Your Word
that will not return empty...
-

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Romans 8
v28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
v38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.