Thursday 30 April 2009

Dream

I had a dream
-
i woke up, not knowing what it was about
-
I just knew
it was a happy one
and you were inside somehow...
-


finally got a reply, unsuccessful
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I guess , where to go from now
-
that’s the question...

Friday 24 April 2009

Streams

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.


When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"

These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,

a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.


My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.

By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God, my rock:
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"

As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
-
Psalms 42

Wednesday 22 April 2009

Paranoia

sometimes it seems that way
after what happened with regard to last year
-
maybe I’m rather insecure... I’m scared that history repeats itself yet again...
-
yet everything is a matter of perception


one of my OETI buddies was sharing to me about his antics in liking a person
-
“then they found out and told everyone”
“lan lan she find out and started avoiding me like siao”
-
haha, at least i didn’t get it that bad... even though i was getting swanned left right centre 1-2 years ago,
but at least we remained friends haha
-


yeah, I was a bit freaked out by the facebook incident... but yeah
-
most people tell me to just laugh it off
since it’s really nothing
-
haha


yeah and I’m getting rather well...
seems like paranoia when i can mistake J low’s pic to be someone else
stupid lah, dunno why all the NSF’s with the same haircut look the same
-
anyway today... a certain C HQ was trying so hard to get me into trouble
but he’s fighting a losing battle either way
-
1. The PC doesn’t want to go through all the paper work and everything.
-
2. The way C HQ pushes forward his argument will definitely annoy the PC... He’s not doing it right... I was simply trying to keep quiet ... needless to say who will get a better impression...
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3. The PC has a way better impression of me than C HQ, while I try to keep a positive attitude most of the time, C HQ normally complains...
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4. While C HQ might be able to get the support of some of the platoon mates, I also can get my own support from some of the others, including Luqman and some of the other malays,,,
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5. The PC knows that if he does do an investigation... and I get implicated... I’ll most likely push it up to the CI...

-
essentially, the benefits of being a pseudo white-horse is showing through...
-
...take that, ya stinkin b*stard...
-

Monday 20 April 2009

the waiting game

I’m tired of it all
-
messing around something you really rather not do...
simply waiting for time pass by
-
and also waiting for a reply which never came /will come...
stupid NUS...
-


Sigh, will You make a way?
-
I really dunno =(
-
I want to do sometime meaningful...
but somehow so many things have been shut off...
-
since the first sat of april
-
too


well if someone has had the objective of making my life in ns as horrible as he can
he’s largely succeeded
-
I’m quite sian about it
-
wish i could get back to school...

The Endweek

as my thoughts think back upon the past few days
-
I guess most of what I would be thinking of would be in the previous post... password protected eitherway
-


first thing to say:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETRINA CHENG!!!!
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Haha, anyway I hope you liked the card and present if you’re reading this hehe
-

anyway as wondering... as Marc and everyone says, even what i believe in
is that when God closes doors he normally opens other at the same time
-
perhaps, involvement in Kevin’s vision of the GMC youth band might be a way God could use me
-
since I already felt convicted, that God was calling me to 2 ministries... that of outreach and worship
-
but somehow wondering where would hearing resounding choruses of the songs we wrote in songs4him.wordpress.com in events such as Loudfest and FOP lead to...
-
even as sometimes, I have my reservations of such events, sometimes I feel they tend to elevate human emotions above God
-
but I guess , if it is an opportunity to bless people with the testimony of the songs we wrote...
I might as well give it a shot...
pray more about it i guess...

anyway after that meeting which left me late to join the BB gang for lunch/shopping?
-
and somehow... I dunno, I get really irritated with some people sometimes
like i see a trend... liking to sticky yourself to people I’m closer or ’seem closer’ to...
and after that try to chase me away
-
sigh, I wonder why I try to be so nice to you when I can...
I should have just followed advice and leave you alone then...
-
somehow past apologies seem so hollow
when you still do the same to me all the time after everything is over...
-

haha its quite stupid
the way some people think...
-
esp. the idiot who messed with my facebook status... ...
-
anyway that statement was true...
but not exactly in the way that people will interpret...
haha...
-
after all, I do love all my close friends
=p haha

Sunday 19 April 2009

Beginnings of a song

Chorus:
But I will worship you oh Lord
You're my strength my portion
I will wait upon you Lord
I know You'll surely come....
-
Password protected post

Thursday 16 April 2009

Strange how a conversation can go....

force-feeding the same old concepts into people isn’t going to work
-
everyone knows we should not sin
-
yet we still do... we do what we do not want to do...
-
because no matter how hard we try,
human efforts will not work... we still stumble and fall
only God can change our hearts, and give us the strength and His spirit to overcome
-


-
the important thing is, in every decision, is to always point it towards Jesus
-
yeah, but problem is, so many times we’re scared to do that,
esp. when we already know He’s most likely going to say something we might not like...
-
but God calls us to surrender, even when its hard
after all Jesus said
“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
-


we like to fit God into our hopes, our plans...
we cheapen God who measures the universe with the span of His hand
into a mere genie in a bottle...
-
Asking is not wrong
but we must always have the attitude of Jesus when he prayed in Gethsemane:
“If its possible, take this cup from me... yet not my will, but Your will be done” (Matthew 26:39)
-

Wednesday 15 April 2009

As much as I dont like Gahmen propaganda


-
Beautiful imperfection... something I always believed in...
-


on the other hand...
http://www.mrbrownshow.com/2009/04/10/the-mrbrown-show-funeral-too/
where I got wind of this commercial, since I don’t watch TV...
-
has a rather.. erm, interesting take on it...
my advice is not to listen to it unless you’re really in need of a laugh...
-

Tuesday 14 April 2009

keeping my thoughts to myself

because I know...
-
everything must come to pass
-
I guess, like everything else, its just a passing phase
-


thinking of everything makes my head spin
-
somehow...
-
but I know God provides... in His time
-
just a test of faith...
-


Charles is right...
-
pretty soon the friends closest to me would have moved on... and away...
-
me having to stand on my own 2 feet...
-
sigh... I wish time would slow...
-
or that NUS could reply me soon...
-
I dunno... sigh... like how i felt around sec2 and sec4...
-
apprehensive of where God would place me
but He did put me where i wanted to be in the end...
will He do the same?
-

Sunday 12 April 2009

Let my words be few

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth,
So I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.
-
And I'll stand in awe of You,
Yes I'll stand in awe of You,
And I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.
-
The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You,
So I'll let my words be few-
Jesus I am so in love with You.

-


love, - which words cannot describe
-
God is Love...
remembering this through Easter...
-


perhaps, love is best shown through quietness and silence...
-
let the words remain unsaid...
-
but let my life show that I love You...


oh my words could not tell
not even in part
of the debt of love that is owed by this thankful heart...

-


distil my thoughts
-
what do i think of when my mind is allowed to wander...
-
perhaps, its not right... sigh...

sigh

i missed enrolment parade... for the first time in 6 years
-
and I do miss working with you’ll...


even though one camp and 2 or 3 weeks isn’t a lot
but i guess, its what one makes of it that counts...
-
i made much of it, for a while
-
so be it I guess...
-


sigh , life is like some sort of waiting game
-
waiting for something that maybe never come to pass
-
waiting for replies
-
waiting again...


credibility isn’t everything
-
In Christian ministry,
isn’t calling, isn’t commitment more important?
-
sigh...

Tuesday 7 April 2009

the blame game

pondering over the issue of circumstances
-
I was discussing with Tim before:
how it is possible that,
God opens doors, only to slam it into one’s face immediately when you’re just about to go through the door?

-
after all, God is never a sadist
or a kill-joy for that matter
-


so in circumstances like this
who can we blame?
-
Somehow, one of the biggest assumptions one can make is this:
when I’m blessed, God is at work
whenever trouble comes, its Satan’s fault
-
somehow you cant make this assumption
that God only gives good things
-
Satan was never an antithesis of God, he cannot be viewed in an equal light to God
-
God is sovereign over every circumstance, all things come from Him, not just good things
-
and we cannot simply say that Satan is responsible for every bad thing that happens.
-
because God has to give Satan the authority before he can even do anything to us... as seen in Job 1-2


we could always say, God is admonishing and disciplining us for mistakes, the blame lies with us
-
but somehow its important, that is not always the case... Job never did anything wrong before he was inflicted
-
or it could just be, God is testing us, so that we may grow more...
-
that God, is to blame...


-
somehow, when that happened
I questioned my intentions again
-
was it really, as Charles suggested, some subtle thought of being able to be with a particular person?
-
I highly doubt it... although after that time, i was rather fed up and frustrated,
-
it was really for the right reasons? I hoped at least. for the sake of them, for the sake of Christ
-
and there also the same excuse,
I quote mr Ng:
“good intentions vs God excellent plan”
-
the same old excuse whenever anything goes wrong,
But its never a reason to give up something worth fighting for.
just because of a few obstacles, it doesn’t mean God doesn’t want a person to do something,
-
but either way, I’ll wait and see...
and pray more...
-
and somehow, everything is so hypocritical
since you all said before
“God equips the called, not vice versa”
-

thinkspeak

some words are better left unsaid...
-


but I wish... things didn’t go the way they went...
-
sigh...
-
deception and excuses that can be seen through quite easily...
hypocrisy if i wanted to make it extreme
-
it’s not my loss anyway...
-
sigh =/


and the mental torture I’ve to put up with everyday by someone i could be calling a lot of names
-
along with his lackeys
-


somehow, my understanding is that God was never a sadist
or a kill-joy for that matter
-
but I question, why does He do some of the things I see around me?
-
sigh =(

Thursday 2 April 2009

for now...

I’ve at least done up all that needs to be done
-
now... maybe I can spend time doing other stuff
-
haha
-


directions...
-
somehow I need that...