'emil lenses'

do I look through things in a limited perspective
-
through my ‘emil lenses’ so to speak
-
not the bigger picture
-

---

-------------------
but in the end
aren’t we supposed to live our lives in the light of God
-
see things in the way God sees them
open our eyes to see what God wants for us
-
live a life grounded by faith in the Word of God
and live out a life which shows that
-

---

-------------------
people say they tell me these things
-
for my own good
for the good of the people under my sphere of influence
-
and they’re perfect in every way, more worthy of being part of their ministries
-
at least while compared to me
who has been in the lowest of places
been the worse of sinners and disgraced the name of God
-
‘but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more’
-
its by the very fact
when we say God makes foolish the wisdom of the wise
-
we judge things from this perspective
-

---

-------------------
-
So by saying I shouldn’t be in this ministry
are they saying it from their lens?
or the lens that God has given them, (wise christian council???)?
-
because if they say so
they’re saying God made a wrong choice
in letting me be here
-
So who am I to believe?

---

-------------------
But still
we should always remember this in the ministries God puts us in:
-
(Philippians 2:1-11)
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,

then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

---

Disappearing into Indifference

somehow thats what I have become of late
-
indifferent to everything around me
-
whether it be to arguing with Kenneth and not really caring about it
-
Or ignoring something that would have made me very concerned a few months back..
even though I know how it feels, if the issue is really about oco...
I had my turn one week before Enrollment parade
-
“we have enough, we dont need you”
I knew it was just a lame excuse... but back then it hurt a lot
-
imagine 6 years of life in this ministry
3 nights of going home at 3am in the morning...
-
and you tell me you don’t want me
even though you said God equips the called and not vice versa
-
after all the bible does tell us that we are like jars of clay
and Jesus is the treasure within...
although we are weak, He makes us strong
-
something I thought set the organisation apart
was the notion of Christ centered-ness
“the advancement of Christ Kingdom among boys”
-
but really, maybe its just changed to be the “youth organisation of choice”
ran secularly and all that...
essentially lost focus... just another UG competing with scouts and all there is out there...

---

I know I have a lot of characteristics that are my weakness
-
be it impulsive, short tempered,
-
But I also know “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Cor 1:27)
-
Jesus also said:
“And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town.”(Matt 10:14-15)
-
a need to move on I guess... for now at least...
which I have done in part... church music ministry...

---

indifference seems to be a pretty effective way to protect myself
if you don’t get emotionally involved, you cant get hurt after all...
-
somehow I only left 2 friends that I can really trust and can confide with most stuff
just that both of them would be going overseas soon
sigh
-

---

-
maybe its time I got back to God... asked Him to fill my life again
-
after all, indifference is just a form of escapism
-
Trusting that He makes all things new in His time...

sigh

i missed enrolment parade... for the first time in 6 years
-
and I do miss working with you’ll...

---

even though one camp and 2 or 3 weeks isn’t a lot
but i guess, its what one makes of it that counts...
-
i made much of it, for a while
-
so be it I guess...
-

---

sigh , life is like some sort of waiting game
-
waiting for something that maybe never come to pass
-
waiting for replies
-
waiting again...

---

credibility isn’t everything
-
In Christian ministry,
isn’t calling, isn’t commitment more important?
-
sigh...

changes

the passing of changes, mean a lot...

-

because change is new, and change is different

-

changes in my relationship with BB

changes in my relationships with people

-

changes in my relationship with Choir... from being the 'on' person who wanted to bring change, to bring God into the picture... to something I just gave up... and joined back later on after deciding not to touch that painful area...

-

I wish i could turn back time and make a change... again...

-

---

or just trust in Him, knowing that He is sovereign...

-

a jet blast of reality...

Cost

"...I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him..."(Philippians 3:8-9)

-

I remember the vision the ministry, to stir up revival, at the cost of EVERYTHING, grades, successes, emotions...

-

and the thoughts that come which are to be put to death...

-

---

more than a year later, i look back.... I have lost a lot, not because of service, not because of i did something to contribute...

-

but because of circumstances beyond my control, and because of some wrong choices i made

-

not like I was not expecting that... but I cannot be too bitter about it...

-

I realise what has been making me so tired... is the fact that I have to consistently deny myself, my thoughts, my pride, my emotions... anything that does not glorify God

-

and its really tiring....

-

and yet I have yet to see something spectacular happen yet, if it does come, it would be worth it all...

-

"...The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.

Blessed be the name of the LORD...."(Job 1 : 21)

-

In the end when all is said and done, it does not matter... nothing matters , except that I am loved by God... even when insults are hurled at me, even if what i do goes unappreciated, even if I'm not given any respect whatsoever...

-

I have a feeling, I still have more to lose...

but God, will I have something for once, that it may glorify Your name...?

-

"For My ways are not your ways, and My thoughts are not yours"(Isaiah 55:8)

-

"...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future..."(Jeremiah 29 :11)

---

but again.. sometimes I just want to heck everything , throw restrain to the wind, and rebel against the constraints I put up myself, think the way I want to think, do the way I want to do...

-

"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."(Luke 9:62)

-

Alabaster Jar

the sum of my desires

and the fullness of my joy...

-

---

lala land, the land where everything is sunny and bright

urnt 

it be better than emo land...

-

Gregory Low: "there's bound to be Chemistry"

-

me thinks:

"I hate chemistry, it always so full of uncertainty" 

lol ±

---

blue blue blue blue moon...

deep deep dah...

blue blue blue blue moon...

-

exactly 1 year ago....

I was sitting down at that same spot

at the sec 1 corridor

-

asking God for direction

-

He said "up to you"

but I didn't know what choice to make

so things just went on...

-

but at any rate

... i dunno how to make  choices

so You take control Lord

---

its been a long year... I've learnt so much, I've seen so much

-

but there is so much more to see...

---

ah well choir V day song:

-

Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
-
And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold
-
Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
-

---

but after all as John puts it

"there are so much more important things"

-

For which i partially agree... while these things cannot replace the importance of seeking God

but that doesn't mean mugging extra Bio is more important =p  

(I emphasis extra =P, studying unfortunately has its importance)

-

relationships(any kind for that matter) do matter also... we cannot live life alone =)

-

but the most important relationship is God...

-

Here I am

Take me

As an offering

-

Here I am

Giving

Every heart beat

For your glory

-

Take me

-

well I got my wish... I did go for LDC even if its just a tiny bit

and even if Mr J. Ng wasn't around 

=)

Alohomora

oh well

I should really keep my hands to myself

-

gray biscuit snapping off with a black/brown frozen chocolate bar

-

a lot to say, but is there really a point

-

oh well

-

another time to move on

-

and let God take care i guess

-

anyway

will join back with you guys soon i guess... maybe... i can salvage what's left of the shambles

and pick up those dusty sandals

-

With all I am

heh

chucked that mad post back to drafts... heh... unfortunately Blogger doesnt have the PW protect feature.... I might consider shoving it to my wordpress mirror.... but too troublesome

maybe in the future

---

I guess... I would say... i dunno whether I annoyed people, or said the wrong thing... or maybe intruded too much into peoples personal space... I guess for now... I'll just give it time....

and I'll trust... that whatever happens.... and while I try not to do anything... stuff... just trust that God will take care in the end..... and provide other people to care and stuff

-

why, WHY!

heh(silly emil)

-

---

and overhearing some exchange between eve and tim

"bitching around in the girls toilet"...."short skirt"..... "Asyikin"... "were from same school somemore"

-

doesn't really take much deciphering to know who the target of the bitching was

-

either way... heh... the indignation showed by Evelyn... heh I guess... I quietly was also... perhaps to a greater extent.... but again... I'm not supposed to get overly concerned over these kind of stuff eitherway... heh..

-

heh... evelyn is a nice person after all... maybe a little bit too sensitive and intolerant or manupilative sometimes but, largely a nice person... heh... and probably a good enough friend to have

-

---

BB day today(my post is in reverse chronology, unfortunately more recent things come to mind as I type out this post)

-

and I guess... again... the tendency... I realise I ended up sticking to P.C. a lot again(although it also counts as sticking to other the person who sticks to her)... and talking also...

I guess its sort of because while we had to work together for mini calendar and all that, and since mission trip also... rather okay friends and all that... 

-

As Tim would put it... a sort of substitution mentality... heh.... same as mission trip also... which isnt very healthy as it is... 

-

---

and I guess... Alex shd stop suaning people(F? chng)... its not good... haha... i know myself... my church friend was an example of it... but luckily it was okay... but I had to cut off for sometime though.

-

---

Into Your Hands

I commit again

With all I am

Forever

-

You hold my world

In the palm of Your Hand

And I am Yours

Forever

-

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

-

I will worship You

I will worship You

heh I guess... Commit everything to Him... 

-

Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you(1 Peter 5:7)

Uncourth or condesending

primers challenge.

-

wish you were there...

-

I guess... but its strange... how many primers from the other companys, how many of them actually know God?, Christians by name, no doubt, but, ...?

-

or am I being judgmental and condecending...

-

yet

"Bastard, Bastard, Bastard," during charades on a bus

a number of unwholesome language and talk...

and a couple making out publically on the bus..... gross...

-

cigerettes? for parents I assume...

-

hmm... sighz...

-

I don't want to be elitist and condencending, as if I'm any better than these " NSKs"

but I dunno

-

---

the events of each day in a nut shell

-

Day 1: 

-

A really long bus ride... got to know the fantastic bunch of ppl from grp D (my group) 

Asahi the classical guitar provided entertainment as well as some new nickname

" chen wei hong"??? who on earth is that?

-

saw a glimpse of the 2 jokers... talk about heavy petting,... gross... a few curious stares, but nothing more.... Ms Catherine closes 1 eye I assume...

-

Assaulted by bannana trees while we ,packed into an open top lorry like sardines, were transported to the camp site

-

"communal toilets"... eww

-

nice sleeping huts though

and I did the longest QT I've done in a while,

-

sleep

-

Day 2:

mini Fireac? poor turnout

-

socks and sandals, to keep the dressing on my foot... some people question about it, hehe, 

-

"looks like someone bit your foot"

-

Waterfall abyssing, heh... nothing much new, just abyssing with water splashing your feet..., and I raced down the waterfall,, haha, faster than the person before me.

-

outdoor cooking

hehe, sardines cooked with egg is nice...brought my own

-

rafting... swimming against a strong current is scary, nearly lost my brand new sandals...

but was quite fun, we didn't remain in our grps, we sort of reshuffled... Kenneth, Bong, Me on one side, while, 1 other girl, an officer and another guy on the other...

-

whee... was sort of fun i guess

-

talent time??? lol

collide was performed, with me the lead vocalist, the guitarist (with trusty Asahi) , and the grp D ppl acting like clowns behind me

-

Day 3:

mini Fireac again... but..

-

Caving.. the most muddy disgusting thign ever...

the rock formations were interesting though...

my touch got killed by the water..

luckily my camera survived...

IPOH

ipoh horfun is REALLY GOOD

shopping... but nothing much to buy.. wanted to buy shoes, but mum would murder... not a good idea

-

sleep... towpok.... and  the rest for a party

-

Day 4:

Bus journey back.... sat in full view of the gross couple.... and the charades... ended up rather put off....

"leave my friend alone" (lol my camera popped out...)

-

oh well... last day... doesn't really matter if I make enemies...

-

but the crude language was kinda...

sighz

-

---

-somehow... I wish you could have gone... you probally would have enjoyed it more...

oh well...

-

Pictures  can be found here : http://picasaweb.google.com/BB12thcoyPics/PrimerSChallenge

---

Album production... XL...

and stuff

"don't let you emotions get in the way of respecting XL"(Tim)

sighz

-

and stuff... which i cannot write here... but sighz...

-

i dunno how things are going to turn out...

with people and last minute stuff cropping up, ppl not free... and venting it out on poor tim

-

sighz... sorry... I shdn't do that... you probally are more stressed than me... and sighz

-

Give us Your grace to make this successful,

One by One

studying the little concepts of bio, the ones that had plagued me in Mid years have come back

---

So what do we have?
-
Glycolysis:
the splitting of glucose into 2 molecues of pyruvate, which results to in the formation of 2 molecues of ATP via substrate level phosphorlisation. Glycolysis in volves an energy investment phase , where 2 P atoms is attached from 2 molecues of ATP, before 4 molecues of ATP are formed in the energy pay off phase.
-
Yet one wonders, is it ever possible that the energy pay off phase never comes off, the investment is made, yet a rogue 1 3 phophoglyceraldehide refuses to allow the enzyme to perform the substrate level phosphorlisation?
and you cant even take back the 2 ATPs you spent
-
Photorespiration:
A metabolic pathway in the calvin cycle that wastes ATP and NADPH and produces no sugar. it occurs due to oxygen's affinity to the Rubulose Biphosphate being higher than that of Carbon dioxide , and it enters the calvin cycle .
-
I wonder, how would investing NADPH and ATP on oxygen in the cycle, does the cycle go on as oxygen is abundant, does the cycle repeat itself, until you've found the perfect 3 carbon dioxide molecues to change into the pyruvate molecue? and you've found that you wasted so much ATP and NADH on oxygen molecues that dont give you the pyruvate you want.
or maybe, its just that there isnt enough ATP and NADPH for the calvin cycle to take place yet, at night, where the light reactions stop, and the CAM plants get the carbon dioxide to store as malic acid, for use in the day...

---

beyond Biology, lets look at other stuff:
-
the tiny pink tablet known as ventolin, sabutomol and a variety of other names.
the tablet that stops breathlessness for the asmatic suffers.
yet the tablet so easily dropped and lost, due to its small size , and you cant find it.
the tablet also has a groove in the middle, you could break it into half for a half dosage, which although the time duration of effectiveness decreases, you are less likely to get the side-effects,
the the side effects? and overdose would result in palputations and trembling

---

and the code shall stop here. unfortunately unlike tim, i dont have the luxury of vegetables as codes, since the code names, like chekov and zulu, are known by close friends
-
Friday- FireAC
There is None like You
how i wonder,is it ever possible to cry while leading worship? yet Tim hasnt had that happened to me, and neither have I...
-
SL3- English ( waste of time, Jean Luah's gone)
SL1 Geog, Banana, and dao?
Recess, (whats in a instantance =) =(? yet, i wonder?)
Chemistry- Rain , yay
-
Outreach
lol Emily ... erm... nice ...
it might be amusing yet , go and evangelise as a pair?, the other time by lots we kanna, but ...
like erm , whats your name?
"I'm Emil and she's Emily" like what the bong...
phew Min kyeong saved me :)
but i dunno... I mean like... JP and his stupid theories
"it will be quite cool if..."
no it will be LAME.... =P
-
are guys supposedly as dumb as they say?
yet reading too much isnt too good either... overreading is bad for your eyes,... erm no, I mean emotions, I learnt that from experience
-
walk back with tim
-
Econs tuition... is it that tiring that it can reduce someone to a state?
-
I dunno... I don't get it...

---

Today(saturday)
BS - Later mugging and econs tuiton by charles(not to me though, i dont take econs)
nmind
biology haha
-
but in the BS itself
"those are the worst pickup lines I ever heard"(steven)
-
Marshmallow blasts, haha tim doesn't take chocloate
hey... russell never gives me sweets :( and i gave him so much last year ...
ok fine
maybe I've been a bad mentor this year...
-
and one by one they left, then chng, then me
-
leaving 3 ppl , E.T., Petrina and Amanda engrossed over math
-

---

To church
Fixing the 1M comp, like seriously, am I the only person in this whole world that knows how to use a computer?
and beyond that, the empty darkness of the santuary
and no, not the terrible sadness and emoness...
why?
yet it was similar to LDC Adv. party, it was just me, and in front, but this time, not the moon, but the cross.
-
and I guess, demonlogy can wait, talking to Glynn, and he shared his personal experiences. I guess, it was kinda okay... i need an outlet I guess, if its not Tim its Glynn... his viewpoint as someone 9 years my senior, I guess would be more mature..
-
"Love is never rational"
-
I don't get God's love, how can He love all of us so unconditionally?
-
and Seb Yap again pestering me on MSN, I dunno, I'm already itching to block him yet, "Love Your Neighbor" , yet God can love him, why can't I?
-
how?
-
"My Grace is enough"
-

---

I wanted to write this a week time ago
what value is there in a present?
Is it in the monetary value alone?
or is it in the sacrifice there is to it... whether it be a roti prata diet, or dragging a tired aching body to buy it...
-
how about God's Gift to us
what value is in it?
is it in the redemption alone
or is it in the sacrifice? the very act of coming down in His Son to die,
-
"it would be absolutely barbaric if God got another man to die on the cross"(charles)

---

and as Tim commented "hey, do you know thats an Enya Song" for the last post
and I shall say that I'm not ignorant of that, I do listen to Enya
maybe... the last post was a song without words(ok not the stupid SYF piece)
this has words,...
-

---

and a song composed in the room
-
-=To You My Lord & King(Hallelujah)=-
(Psalms 138)
-
Verse 1
I will praise You oh Lord
With all my heart and all my soulI will sing of Your loveFor all the days of my life-Verse 2For You are faithful oh GodYou're exalted above all, Your name, Your wordWhen I called You were thereYou heard and answered my prayer-PrechorusThrough You are high and exalted above all , Yet You give grace to the meek and humble-ChorusYou derserve all honor and gloryHallelujah to the Lord of heavenTo You my life I will offerI will praise you before all men-For Your work on the CrossHallelujah You have bought my lifeNow I know that nothing on earth
Shall seperate me from Your Love-Verse 3In the midst of the stormYou will shelter me and guard meYour Love indeed oh LordWill endure forever and ever-(Chorus)-BridgeHallelujah to the Lord of earth and the Lord of heavenHallelujah to You my Lord and my King-(Chorus)-(Bridge)

Ferrous paradox

what's in a beautiful irony?
-
it's in the spoken silences
in the happy-sadness
in simple complexity
in sweet sorrow
just...
in (:
-
(quote tim's blog: Beautiful Irony)
-
and to add on
how does one love and hate a person at the same time?
-
how does one side feel so concerned, so wishing that things were easier, less painful, for my dear brother in Christ.
-
yet the mean green thing likes to pop up
i need an automatic pop-up blocker, like all those new browsers IE 7, Firefox, Opera, Safari
lol what am i talking?
-

---

and I guess msn nicks over the times change
-
and mine so far have a tendency to be about this thing called Love, especailly during the feb-march period. and also yet recently as well
-
"what is love" (i still remember that nick)
"God is Love( was my reply)
-
"oh I love You, always.."(an affirmation of something... yet why?)
" 'Love God whole heartedly' " (mine, quote off someone, haha please dont "nice quote me" again)
-
you begin to wonder... ?
-

---

confusion is in everything sometimes, yet it is a certainty in confusion, another beautiful irony, that even in timess of confusion, we can be certain, there is Someone who will lead us through... and that Someone is Jesus.
-

---

and even so, memories from what matt said last sunday to some of us after the BGR talk
-
"what if more than 1 person likes the same girl"
"the best way the devil can tear us up as a body"
-
i can testify to that, it was painful and hard in feburary, and still isnt too easy
-

" in the end the girl still chooses , and we got to respect that"
-
yet i diagree, in the end, it is God who chooses, and we got to respect that.
-

---

and
"the world tells us we need a person to satisfy us, to love and get love from... ..."
"yet thats not true, we need God"
(tim)

---

And I can finally post about my day
-
I guess the morning, if was anything i woke up deciding not to be emo about anything, simply go to school and be happy and joyful
-
during FireAC
"thank You Lord for Your joy"
-
and haha, yay, =) thanks
-
and yet i wonder, avoiding eye contact from a distance seems to be an automatic reflex, yet why ?
and glances ..., happier, and yet... which direction were they?
-
Bio class... memories of the first few classes we ever had, with ruma firing questions at random ppl in class, she still has the habit of calling out certain ppl(to question) more than others, (haha I'm not on that list for question, I'm on her other list though)
-
and i think she likes repeat names like John, haha which john? john C or Tay?
"emil you're so obvious"(tim)
-
at least it wasnt some pink tailed rabbit example again
-
Runima class, chocolates gift =) for carrying books, she is a nice teacher, haha, and yar unlike WPL, can teach,
-
yet I'm never going to do my IOP at this rate
Jean Luah resigns, erm... ok
good riddance/ not so good
on one hand she is a good teacher,
on the the other hand, she is a little anal(to put it mildly)
-
and the class is like :
" as long as its not rachael chung replacing"
I dont know who she is, but i dunno if anyone can be more anal than J luah
okay lets hope its either
1) Brian Ng
2) Carrie Cheah
-
and i guess primers briefing after it all, sat next to XL, and haha, as usual, started late, and ppl were late also
-
and MOE survey was a waste of time
-
and FireAC briefing, after that, stayed back for a while, to bus stop, met XL and sat with him on 196.( which technically doesnt make sense, if i wanted a 963 i should have used the backgate)
yet I guess i wanted to talk to him, even if its only aobut guitars lol
-
there could be a sensitive topic behind it , yet, maybe , it isnt wise...
-
And again maybe its my fault

'Love God wholeheartedly'

Part 1(Written on Sunday morning)
Back from retreat and a really long 12hours of sleep (4 p.m-4 a.m)
haha and I assume I'm not the only one ... ... ...
-

---

wednesday
Cheesecake, yoghurt, and prata curry dont agree with each other
had gastric since then, been burping like Celito since then.... grr
PRC students tagging along Tim and John (5.12) and 5.10 girls
Quote(rice weevilyn thungaraj)
"Yeee they're so disgusting"
and high pitched sheirks from the girls... Cherryl Lau, 5.10 girls
-
Math remedial the first seesion i attended, a total waste of time
complex numbness is stupid, I already know my basics
and you didnt cover demorvy therem and whatever you call it
-
after which... wondering:
pictures... if it was petrina i would be ridiculusly annoyed, but it isnt her, its just ... ... ...
-
while dragging the gastric pained me to the lang room one to find
'neth closing the session
and ... ... ... unexpected =) or what? i dunno whether to be happy or annoyed with myself
and R. see, XL, D chng, J.Tay, Caleb, and a few others
-
and timlim joins, tag him along.... heritage, and i dunno... E.T.
-

---

Thursday
Morning FireAC
-
God of Wonders
How great is Our God
Great is the Lord and Most worthy of Praise
-
Later... ... ... okay... i wanted to sing another song after Kenneth closed "Through it all"
though my reasons where a little.... erm... i dunno... ... ...
-
running around looking for ppl to chip in for tims present
-
yet XL already has something in mind..., ... ... ..., and i guess some pple like bong and neoh dont like giving presents
-
nmind, D chng, Yang Jian, Fab, J. tay, and evelyn supposedly (tessa was the mediator)
-
and Wesley, I dont appreciate your "dont look there... heh heh heh"
grrr...
-
and it was convinient for inconvient truth to be completed, and M bean hols to be started
laughter at bean's stupidity...
-
and qing tian to the PRC exchange students...
-
晴天
-
Verse 1
故事的小黄花
从出生那年就飘着
童年的荡秋千
随记忆一直晃到现在
-
Verse 2
併刻兔佻兕佻兕例珨
享兕例珨依侖佻兕依侖
例珨例珨例珨例珨
依侖例珨依侖佻兕
吹着前奏望着天空
我想起花瓣试着掉落
-
Pre Chorus
为你翘课的那一天
花落的那一天
教室的那一间
我怎么看不见
消失的下雨天
我好想再淋一遍
消失的下雨天
我好想再淋一遍
好想再问一遍
你会等待还是离开
-
Chorus
刮风这天我试过握着你手
但偏偏雨渐渐大到我看你不见
还要多久我才能在你身边
等待放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点
-
从前从前有个人爱你很久
但偏偏风渐渐把距离吹得好远
好不容易又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜
-
and who was there...? and why did i feel so uncomfortable?
-
and Tim goes on to play other chinese songs which he knows ,
Meng Long(PRC student) plays the classical pieces and some chinese songs
-
and my $1 Dulop tortex orange 0.6mm equilateral pick as a gift...
-
and off for once not sticking to tim lim haha, going off to parklane to look for a leatherstrap and guitar stuff for present..
-
even though i was super tired and still a little sick from the gastric.... ouch...
-
hmmm $125 taylor byzantine inlay leather strap?? oh my.... but too expensive zzzz
-
and i doubt the $60 taylor swede strap is worth the money
-
ok
Leather strap
Dulop Formula 65 polish
Dulop string conditioner
GHS Gloss
Nut + sandpaper (from Homefix)

total cost $50(knocked down prices via bargaining)
"I'm buying for a friend"
-
"Buying for gf ar?"(Guitar shop guy)
-
*zzz Can I not hear that BL****DY word??*
"no lah"
Tim hardly Counts as a girl ... lol
-
dragged my aching self(I hate you gastric) back home

---

Part 2 (sunday night)
Friday
even better, oversleep and not come?
-
FireAC again, I guess, Through it all... I could Sing of Your Love
-
Tessa Taylor goes for a nice long walk, ACES day, I suppose my guitar can have fun breathing the morning air and grow fat
while a gas filled me aches and tires
-
David talking about God was refreshing... at least it let the time pass by quickly, with minimal thinking of other stuff
-
wish I could think of You all the time, and not you
-
okay. Timlimless Geog and break and bronze statues and fanny tan has good fasion sense?
-
and finally, the thumbdrive of pics ... ... thanks
-
and primers room, Samson Satan Samuel Yong =) and Leon Lim drooling over Tessa (The guitar, not Tim's friend) lol
-
and lunch, lol the 4.2 freaks ppl in the SAC, yet i prefer to be anti social...
-
sat with amanda, petrina and ryan for lunch.
-
off for retreat
-

---

Aranda
Free and easy at Downtown east
biking/skating
-
and Evelyn's the only Girl who biked, the rest(Petrina, Audrey, Amanda, John Tay) go Roller Blading
-
I half wanted to blade, but my bladding isn't top notch, I havnt bladed since sec1? i dunno
-
and taking pics bring about different responses
1. John Tay waving his arms unsteadily and yelling dont take(I take either way=p)
2. Audrey does a nice pose
3. "dont take!" (I obey...)
-
sian...
-
Cakeshop
hmm why is Tim so troublesome , chocolate cakes are common and easy to get
-
Mango or Tiramisu
"I think Tim would prefer mango, even though I personally dont like mango"
"Nah I hate mango *... proceeds with a recount of some seasick experience...*"(XL)
"XL, next time I will stuff you with mango"
-
*Dont think too much*(Tim voice seemed to echo through my head)*
-
ok....
dinner
Ice cream for dinner???
... ... ...
Bk Fish
KFC is so Oily
*XL you're a health nut*
-
Worship
Wesley was late....
XL plays some intsrumental(K kopes my taylor and passes it to him)

---

the following below is personal... I'm not really worried about anyone reading it, yet please be nice about it.
-
prayers
satisfied in Your love
love You with everything
-
and wesley comes at late
-
Geogory Low
-
will you be Willing to die for Christ?
-
and altar call
-
tears... not mine ... yet...
-
the tears of joy for me? the presence of God was so real
-
yet tears ... ... ...
-
I wish I could have prayed for you directly... I was glad , it is amazing when God touches a person personally, and its so wonderful, and yet for a case, it was much more than that to me? or what?
-
yet I knew better than that,
prayed for Daniel chng, and Russell both crying
prayed for you from a Distance, stretched my hands towards to bless
-
and finally lething myself be prayed for... by Geogory and by Charles
-
it is cases like this that i sometimes wonder, love (or whatever you may call it) isn't wrong, but guess some of the emotions that are connected to it are wrong, and we should never put anyone before God, "Love God wholeheartedly" as you rightfully said... ... And I shouldnt expect anything back, whether it be reciprociated or anything but I guess...
never let envy or jealousy consume me
the colour associated to them is green yet even though lime is one of the colours that represent me yet I dunno
-
Am i willing to give up all for God
smiles are nice but I wish I could smile to God whenever I think of Him
-
and on the flip side, the ET frown, even after the door was opened to you, when will you ever stop being that petty person with that consistant black face towards me(and thats not a racist remark )
-

---

XL teaching guitar
yet since when was he supposedly better/more pro etc then me? and i wonder i wish. dont yet the mean green thing come out please please
-
I remember the time
we were both equally noob, sec 4 during TA2 camp
we were starting to learn along with Lua(who gave up)
the times in the admin room, with guitars, BB open, etc
-
whats wrong with that mean green thing
and why?
-
my guitar wont be touched... while i'm not that protective over my guitar and yet...
-
sighz... even with the yamaha, the other time i still remember
*Dont think too much*(Tim voice seemed to echo through my head, more serverely)*
-
Tim's Bday
-
3 girls rolling about a bed
-
"dont be an alex lua"(Petrina)
-
after they left, and I QT/ slept
-
How does one jump from happy to sad to happy to sad so many times in one day???
-

---

Saturday
lack of sleep
breakfast
haha
-
haha
-
haha
-
ok Morning worship
-
company theme song haha
yet Yugaraj you are sort of cramping my space,
the strap dislocates.... zzzz on my knees to play
-
lack of sleep can drive one bananas, especially when accompanied with a bad bout of gastric
a sudden craving/obsession for banana milkshakes
-
Tim would realise
"double slap pinch"(tim)
-
but Tim is a little mad, nice finger puppets show while i was in the toilet cubicle
Azmi got a screw loose too
-
It might be psychological, the gastric wasnt too bad after some of the milkshake (thai express with azmi celebrating tims's bday)
-
and some weird bannana, milk, and strawberry ice concoction from coffee bean
-
and back Home ..... SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
-
raarrrr
-

---

Today
why Does H.G. remind me so much especially today?
-
oh well i shall stop talking about bananas, I shall ban them
-
new phone, dumped my N73 at long last
-
K810i
Ericsson haha, no nokia

"Nice one, Emil..."

For bringing laughter... to the 2 old folks, i guess that big wide smile, and the utter randomness of the guitar playing, and i guess they started to crack up...
-
"they saying you are very funny in cantonese"(Tim)
actually i half understood the cantonese, they were saying I was a clown...
-
lol... i guess...
The laughter didnt just get confined to 2 of them, sharing of experiences later, there was laughter lol... and well...
-
yet the saddening thing that was shared...
"there was a lady who said she didnt want to accept Christ, because she said many of them say they are christian to get treated better"
-
I guess...
-
and before that plonking an officers cap on top of Wesley head, seeing an outraged Charles Ng face... and ... ... ...
-
I dunno, there's something about it... that makes me want to smile, yet, emo
the happysad feeling, the bittersweet ...
-
The Wing time games, and I guess girls aren't exactly very good in soccer... handball lol, did i kick it hard against that hand?... ouch ... i dunno ... I didn't participate in the captains ball which i totally suck at, short height isnt much of an advantage, and i guess being able to work well with a team isnt easy...
-
Colosse got owned eitherway...
-
Bible study, I guess again, its hard to concentrate, but at least Charles didnt do anything inflamatory...
-
'Lord I Give you my heart... ' how does one love You with all of once heart, mind, soul and strength? I wish I could think of you in the same frequency, in the same manner that makes me smile to see You... give me that longing after You...
-

---

yet it was a lonely bus ride back all the same... whats the point of taking the bus back to school and taking 74, when there is a nice, super frequent, and fast bus 67 to Bukit timah?
"Emil are you alright"(Marc Ho)
I guess I looked rather sad, emo, or tired, on the bus... i dunno
-
I wish I could love the way You want me to love Lord...
-

Isaiah 55

and God has been shoving thisat me a few times at me over the past 2 days

Isaiah 55(NIV)

Invitation to the Thirsty

(1)"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
-
(2) Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
-
(3) Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
-
(4) See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
-
(5) Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
-
(6) Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
-
(7) Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
-
(8) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
-
(9) "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
-
(10) As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
-
(11) so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
-
(12) You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
-
(13) Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
-

---

and besides that:
-
Proverbs 3:5-6
(5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
(6) in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-

---

I need to trust You more, and trust that no matter what happens what circumstance I'm in, You are still in control
-
And You still love me, no matter how wretched I may be
-
as I am nothing, but, You Lord , are everything
-

---

yet feeling guilty, if i can spend so much time/money/effort doing stuff... ... ..., why cant I love my mum more at times?
-
teach me to love the way you want me to love Lord.
-

---

Love unfailing, overtaking my Heart
You take me in
Finding peace again , fear is lost in all You are...
-

---

Saturday
A nice load of scrubbing and stuff for BB primers room
-
lets twist again...
-
yet Wesley talks to me in the morning... from the primers room --> space frame
"the school governors where complaining about 1 of the girls in the primer contingent, the skirt was too short."
*points to Petrina's skirt*
"cannot be her... so .... erm..."
-
why tell me of all people? like I can do anything if someone decides to be naughty and wear skirts that are too short?
-
scrape scrape paint, sliding around madly on my knees on the soapy floor
-
"i don't believe in getting wet while cleaning"(Lee Min)
lol... i wonder what use is gently pinching one end of a sponge like a dead rat and sliding it over the floor. it was fun splashing soap at her direction... high frequency sounds result...
-
After that, bible study with Charles Ng...
scissors paper stone with Tim to see who does worship... lol
ended up me losing and doing...
-
This Kingdom
Jesus Lover of my Soul (peek)
Shout to the Lord(Tim)
-
leading worship, it's a struggle to try to make sure my mind is focused on Him sometimes, as in its nice to see someone worshiping Him wholeheartedly but my focus should be on the Lord always.
-
and Charles Ng tapping me on the head hard as i was looking at bearing 345 ...
"Its just a sign of affection"
-
I wasnt completely focused... i guess...
-
as the room cleared after the BS finished, and I was left alone, before asking whether my mum could send me to church...
-
answer: no
-
so I take 166 down telok blangah, pass my church , to vivo city, B2, C.E.
-
I would like to have imagine Tim's face at that place, chocolate chocolate galore, a ridiculous persist strong aroma of chocolate.
-
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
-
after a while , off to Old Chung Kee for Curry 'O' Dinner (wasn't very rich after that)
-
then to church
-
You broke the night like the sun
Healed my heart with Your Great Love...
-
Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
and takes the weight of the world
-
...I love You
All of my life is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me....
-
Stand on mountain tops with me
with You I walk through the valleys
You gave your Only Son for me
Your Grace is all i rely on...
-
...And I will be complete in You...
-
Worship was good, so wonderful, so amazing love and His presense
-
QT: Proverbs 3:5-6 Isaiah 55

---

Sunday
impressions for REW during the JY service..
-
and David Leong preaching, yet through him God shoved Isaiah 55 and proverbs at me again
-
yet offering and annoucements at the same time, with no Doxology, not a very comfortable layout
-
and going forward for prayer, I could feel His joy, His presense, yet...
why couldnt I break down and cry like all the other times? A heart desperate for Him, and longs for more of Him,
-
...Seek the Lord while He may be found...
-

---

and its back home after a hair cut,a nap,dinner and back to play around with orange/pink/green marker pens,orange paper glue , scissors, and white stiff card.
-
my hand writing still sucks though =(
-
and i can't make stuff like tim...
"but don't say anything too impulsive"
-
i guess the stuff on this blog are bad enough... especially the older posts, haha Tim...
-
...Seek the Lord while He may be found...
-
and I presently have
1) IOP on tuesday
2) CHB oral on wednesday
to prepare
+
1) math
2) TOK
3) Bio prac
4) EA1 essay
-
oh no... ... GG

Always...

oh well ... Charles Ng just freaked me out with this sudden msn convo

(10:59 PM) Charles Ng- quie: emil
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: if i gave you a book to read
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: would you be willing to finish it?
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: my gift to you
(11:00 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: depends on th book
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: must read
(11:00 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: but most of the time yes
(11:01 PM) Charles Ng- quie: ok then.... i will give it to you... will put it in the primers room next to the computer tomorrow so you can go get it
(11:03 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: what book is it?
(11:03 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: lol
(11:03 PM) Charles Ng- quie: you will find out
(11:04 PM) Charles Ng- quie: but you must read it
(11:04 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: hmm topic on?
(11:06 PM) Charles Ng- quie: Love
(11:06 PM) Charles Ng- quie: have you heard of John Ortberg?
(11:07 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: no...
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: good
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: this book that I'm passing you has my notes, my heart and soul
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: so its very precious
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: but i am passing it to you
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: so please read it carefully and faithfully
-
you can imagine how freaked out i was...
-
oh well...
guess i might be gething a little too obvious...
-

---

-
even so i wish... XL could be the same old XL before Feb...
-
and i wish... more...
-
yet God again decided to speak to me...through songs
-
I arrived in church a little bit late for YF... to miss all the nice fast praise songs...
-
....Amen... Drum sticks tapping....
-
Did you rise the sun for me....
-
the song Always...... and....it really ministered to me....
-
Cause all you are is all I want always,
Draw me close in your arms oh God
I wanna be with You
-
when all else fades my soul will dance with You ... where the Love lasts forever...
-
while Rod Parade... One in vision One in Christ, We will stand...
-
and BS... i need a working pinch dispenser...stop looking lah..... grrr... lol nmind... Emil is being stupid and silly as usual
-
and nice Charles take time to swan Tim...
-
lol oh well...
-
when God speaks to you, things always seem happier.. at least for a few hours after that...

When the Music fades

FOA over on friday... ... finally can get my life back from choir... and end my my career as a "Professional Procrastinator" (Quote from a convo in April)
-
oh well... disappointed ... in a sense, the people i wanted to turn up didnt turn up, and no one to say hi to at the end of the concert , while i see people get cheered, flowers, chocs, outside the dance studio, all I had was a collection of clothes from my mum before rushing down to join the FireAC ppl downstairs...
-
I guess i wasnt the only one, Evelyn probaly was also, with Tim disappearing for the "reach out to UYO" FireAc thingy before the end of the concert... and oh well...
-
memories of Haven , the CPA , the warmup room , the dance studio, the girls all having fun taking pictures of each other... and well...
-
bye to all the y6 alto girls, Theo, Ethel, Xuan, Sze, thanks for all the fond memories as an alto last year , and all the best for your exams
-
bye to the other y6 tenors too i guess, Clement(dispite me half hating you at first lol, i guess after sometime it was ok), Collin, Jeremy Goh, Soon kai, Chris Ow,
-
bye to Kenneth Yeo, thanks for all you've done for the choir, and tried to bring God back to the Picture, yet... i guess time to say good bye, while I attempt to continue the ministry, with Jeremy and you gone...
-

---

while thats all over, while I went over downstairs for the reach out to UYO thingy...
and God was so real, as I cried... the same way I've seen other people cry when they were touched by God, something which I haven't done since Plunge
-
slept over for 4 hours in school before waking up to a cheese sandwich breakfast, bus to Queenstown, 2 run thrus of the NDP, this time no "XL sms" problems, while taking random pictures, and strange looks, and ...
-
before heading back, Wesley Birthday, Cao's crazy singing, BS, lunch with Tim...
"if XL sees me within 10m distance of ... ... he will slap me"
Tim hiding in a Box, and Tessa for once encoraging me to take a picture of him...
"you are not very good at hiding"
-
while, i wonder... why
-
off to church for worship prac from 3-6, resting in church from 1-2
-
while the soloist keyboardist problems still there, working with a full band, haven't done it since Koinonia, and I remember me and Tim competeing with each other that time
-
even so... as the music fades... as all these times, FOA, gone... ...
-
even so... its been 24 weeks since that week in Feb, and half a year has gone by
-

---

while TnT, DC, reminding me of the prayer meeting in 16 Feb,
-
memories... ... ...
-

Epistasis

I'll do an XL… for today
-
"You don't look like the choir, choir sort" says Gina Ong
-
"All the more that means you are a dark Horse" says Tim Lim
-
"I think Evelyn is a darker Horse" says me
-
"Personal Space invader" says Tim Lim
(HL2 Math class)

---

"You all like to backdoor me" says Tim Lim
-
(HL1 Bio class)
-
"I'm need to go for Chinese at 3pm" says Tim Lim
-
"I also need to go at 3" says John Tay
-
"I need to go for choir at 3" says me
-
"Ha ha I'm the only one who doesn't need to go at 3" says Amanda
-
"That means you are the odd one out" says me
-
While walking to the Primer Room to get briefed by J. Ng after HL1 bio class

---

"要表演了，你们要脱上衣了" says the CPAC teacher
-
"I'm getting freaked out" says Evelyn
(Combined choir/guitar/CPAC FOA Full dress rehearsal)

---

"No I'm not pissed with Ranji, I can't be bothered to waste my time on that ****" says J. Chiam

(I agree with him, Ranji is a ****)

---

While that's over and done with … … whatever … … tired beyond all measure physically emotionally, and perhaps even spiritually if I'm not careful
-

---

-
Remembering yesterday, left HL1 Bio class 40 minutes early, while Ruma was busy trying to explain Epistasis to Amanda and a few others who didn't understand the concept … …
-
Epistasis: A gene that overides another Gene when it is activated. E.g. Albinos gene
-
It doesn't matter if gene is trait 1 or 2, as long as the epistasis Gene is activated, the phenotype will override the first gene.
-
If G represents the recessive epistasis gene that overrides L, it doesn't matter if the person has L^YL^Y , L^YL^N ,L^NL^N , if he has gg, the gene L will not be expressed in the phenotype.
-
Yet I have to miss more Bio lessons tmr, having to leave at 4 (40 minutes gone =( )
and Ruma is telling me that I missed a lot ×p
-
That feeling of sadness yet, little off shoots of happiness? Hating myself for thinking… and still being trapped like that for so long?
-
Give me Your Joy Lord.
-
No one else could satisfy my Soul….Only You Lord only You
-

So Loved

an interesting thing... after I blogged my last post, my QT material(which i did after blogging )happened to be from the same passages as the inspiration for the song...
-

---

Saturday...
-
while BB in the morning, with fewer than usual numbers (No Tim to Swan me at least =P)
-
Charles Ng(come at 730 i wont be late , and he arrived at 745). I came at 738 thinking i was late... opened the door, ... ... , to find no Charles Ng lol...
-
pinching cheeks?
Maybe I notice too many things...
-
marching prac... as if to make up for yesterday's "XL you don't have to sms me again "(Tim) thingy... right... lol... tried timing, but super rusty liao.. cant time for nuts now...
-
then after that Sentosa... even though i was supposed to be back at 1230 for choir... then realising even less people i thought were going...(no Tim, no Wesley,...) but even so it wasn't exactly a waste... the BS on Honoring parents was thought provoking... and well...
-
A sprained/twisted foot or ankle , i dunno how you describe it, all I know was that
1)it hurt when I applied pressure(walking/standing) on my right foot
2) It left me limping since then , although it much better now
-
the weather decided to rain down hard, was stuck in sentosa eating 7 eleven bryani before leaving at 1 o clock with Malcolm, Asher(Sec 2), and Jeremy, shared Cab with Asher to school... and limped into choir at 130, an hour late, luckily no scolding, but a stern frown from Ranji and Dorton...
-
choir ended, bruised my pocket, ego and brain cells with a swensen lunch with Shaun Hanan Martin and Ansom, with the usual bitching at each other... and expensive meal
-
while swensen was playing all the nice emo westlife songs... nice combi... getting my brains wrecked at one side and the emotions tugged at the other...
-
Cold rock ice cream(supported by hanan and martin being walking sticks for me, my foot was killing me), before dragging/limping to the bus top with a severe pain... to sit down waiting for the 970 to arrive, saw Joash,(lol why do i always meet him out of nowhere,),boarded and alighted the bus ,dragged myself back from the bus top to my house(nearly 2km =( OUCH... )before collapsing into the bathtub, showering, and collapsing unto my bed.

---

Sunday
-
Church... clicking and limping around trying to fix projector issues(both at JY and Main 2nd service)
-
yet while sitting down, instead of standing up, and while Mervin was leading worship, the sensation of feeling ... so loved... by God...
-
while the other emotions are there, and they still come to me, almost all the time, thinking about... but ... , Jesus You should be my first Love...
-
You first loved me... I never knew what love was until You came into my life...
-

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while it remains to be seen, God asking me to go for Mission trip to Khon Kaen again in December this year? A sort of confirmation from Matthew? If church camp was to recharge, yet whats the point of charging a full battery?
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Give me Your Guidance
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I will run to You...
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1 Corinthians 13

God's Love
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Verse 1
I know that life has many sorrows
I know that pain may come tomorrow
I know that hate can turn hearts to stone
I know that bitterness can make friends alone
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Prechorus1
But I believe that with God's love
nothing can break us apart
No matter what
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Chorus
So would you join with me, to declare His Love,
the love that unfailing , the Love that never ends
let our hearts be one, to show His glory
For God's love never ends
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Verse 2
I know that Jesus once told us
I know He said "Love one another
"As I have loved you"
"so Love each other"
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Prechorus2
But I know it's hard
sometimes it's a struggle
but God will be enough
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Chorus
So would you join with me, to declare His Love,
the love that unfailing , the Love that never ends
let our hearts be one, to show His glory
For God's love never ends
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Bridge
So if we think of love that patient
the love that is Kind
the love that doesn't envy
the love in Christ you find
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The Love that bears all things
The love with hope that burns
the Love that's selfless in everything
That Casts out all resentments
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Prechorus3
Yes I know that God
will mend the broken pieces
and make us one again
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Chorus
So would you join with me, to declare His Love,
the love that unfailing , the Love that never ends
let our hearts be one, to show His glory
For God's love never ends
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2007 Emil Ng

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Inspiration from 1 Corinthians 13
and XL =P
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Oh well
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Tim you naughty boy, nice during NDP today:
"XL now you don't have to sms me"
whack me to ask me to look in front?
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Okay…
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You watch out, you are so going to get swanned back I don't care … … =p even if I have to get D.C. out of the way … …

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Anyway
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1) Evangelism teams, teamed with someone called Emily … … lol luckily we didn't tell the people we talking to our names or they would crack up … … anyway we talked to a lot of people, mostly Christians and one non Christian. Anyway I remember 1 guy called Matthew, he was an example of a 2^nd generation Christians, didn't even know who God was , and only thought of God on Sunday… oh well I wanted to pray for him but he declined …… Lord, would You Touch His heart and show Him who You are…
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2) Broke my glasses, so I got a replacement pair, looks almost the same except it's a nice bronze/pink color =P
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3) Lost my keys in the Mud
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4) Splattered Mud over my pants and shoes, as well as Petrina's shins skirt and shoes (s.s.s.) (Oops, sorry, maybe you shouldn't have swapped place =P )
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5) Botak Jones dinner with CG (or a very small part of it)
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6) Had a chance to play keys for church, But THANKS a lot Choir, for not letting me have my Saturdays, I can't practice so therefore I can't play =(

The smile to an old man that made all the difference

Saturday 22th July 07
Bethany nursing home, BB Cares....
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teaching songs of hokkien to the juinors to spread the joy and love that Christ brings...
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having to set an example for the juinors, I cast away my fears of interacting with the old folk
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to see the mute old man lying in bed... and requesting for singing... and my guitar,
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and me not knowing what to sing, sang some rubbish =(singing n tongues? i dunno) yet the man wanted more, Gan xie Gan Xie Ye Su zhai wo xing (thank You Jesus for being in my heart), and the smile on his face, along with the smile on the man in the next bed...
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and Dennis, zhin zhia hou , lai xing Ya Shou zhin zhia hou, and the joy.....
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these people have nothing... sick... bedridden, simply waiting to die....
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yet the Joy, the love of Christ, is so real to them... and it is all they have...
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Why cant we , why cant I simply be satisfied by His Love? and feel his love so real in my life
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like Jesus once said, "it is easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of God"....
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when the world has so much to entice one, we find it difficult to give them up, and simply, just like Mary of Bethany(an interesting connection, church sermon today) sit at the feet of Jesus and simply listen.. to be close to Him.
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and the final toothless person , I couldnt understand ".. er, jiu, qi, ling, pa, er.."?
but all i did was smile and try my best to listen... and the end of it all, Steven tells me the rest have gone down... I simply gave my hand and gripped his hand... and gave Him a smile...
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and He returned it, the smile on his old wrinkled face.... before lying back down, waiting for the day and time to die...
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While this smile may not necessarily have the same effect of other smiles
but it was something to be treasured...
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Hope which was lost, now stands renewed...
The Love of Christ, the Savior King... (church today)
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this week end has been an eye opener for me, friday and saturday,
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stalking the 3 smokers on friday to see a even bigger group of people, talking, hurling vulgarities at each other, the punk hairstyles, tatoos,.... how many do not know Christ ? to my knowledge most people who don such outward appearances are empty inside... the outside image is just a mask to hide the weak inside...
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The Evangelism... which i posted in the previous post...the marching... the sizing up ... the marching in a muddy field...the weather not making up its mind ... the wah chee with Evelyn Tim Dan, which before that , abandoning Evelyn with our bags at the traffic light to stalk the smokers.
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and God has shown me a lot...
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yet the old familar loneliness threatens to invade once again ....
while I ward it off with the assurance of God's faithfuness and love.....
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Give me strenght for each day...