Disappearing into Indifference

somehow thats what I have become of late
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indifferent to everything around me
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whether it be to arguing with Kenneth and not really caring about it
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Or ignoring something that would have made me very concerned a few months back..
even though I know how it feels, if the issue is really about oco...
I had my turn one week before Enrollment parade
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“we have enough, we dont need you”
I knew it was just a lame excuse... but back then it hurt a lot
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imagine 6 years of life in this ministry
3 nights of going home at 3am in the morning...
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and you tell me you don’t want me
even though you said God equips the called and not vice versa
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after all the bible does tell us that we are like jars of clay
and Jesus is the treasure within...
although we are weak, He makes us strong
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something I thought set the organisation apart
was the notion of Christ centered-ness
“the advancement of Christ Kingdom among boys”
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but really, maybe its just changed to be the “youth organisation of choice”
ran secularly and all that...
essentially lost focus... just another UG competing with scouts and all there is out there...

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I know I have a lot of characteristics that are my weakness
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be it impulsive, short tempered,
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But I also know “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Cor 1:27)
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Jesus also said:
“And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town.”(Matt 10:14-15)
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a need to move on I guess... for now at least...
which I have done in part... church music ministry...

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indifference seems to be a pretty effective way to protect myself
if you don’t get emotionally involved, you cant get hurt after all...
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somehow I only left 2 friends that I can really trust and can confide with most stuff
just that both of them would be going overseas soon
sigh
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maybe its time I got back to God... asked Him to fill my life again
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after all, indifference is just a form of escapism
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Trusting that He makes all things new in His time...