meekness

something I think I lack now...
ability to control my emotions
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was forced to relive a string of unpleasant memories today
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due to the excess of free time forcing everyone to have to talk about their “love lives”
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so maybe I just had to talk about whatever happened in Y5 and leave it as that
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sigh, people I know who could help me forget and move on
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but maybe not facing up to it is simply running away
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I know perfectly well
I can never ever end up committing my emotions fully to another person until I’ve dealt with my past
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but I wish I could... sometimes...
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cringing at the thought of clubbing and drinking
and “going wild”
as how I remember how Charles said before, near a Seah Im hawker centre
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sigh
maybe that’s why it was never meant for me

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maybe I could retain the naive thinking
drawing closer to God, leading to who He would give
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simply waiting for the right time and not jump unto it
a laughable idea to everyone else...
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give me faith to believe that...
faith built upon the Rock, which is sure and steadfast

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and regarding the thing everyone keeps bugging me about...
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I am not looking for something along that lines,
if I was I wouldn’t try in that way
“terrorising”
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since “I’m not emotionally ready” eitherway
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think along the lines of how she once told me to “stop bullying tim”