Cheesecake

Tale of 2 mice
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2 mice left their hole to find food... they find a mouse trap loaded with the most delicious cheese ever, orangey cheddar, not your typical yellow lousy parmesan.
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one of the mice drew near to take the cheese, while the other stayed back, remembering the 2nd rule grandpa mouse said to him, "thou shalt not take cheese from mousetraps"
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the other mouse goes forward and starts feasting at the cheese... initially the trap didnt spring on him, while the first mouse looked longingly at the cheese...
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and the trap sprung, and the mouse got its head chopped off... the first mouse still looked at the cheese, and wondered whether the rule still applied, even though the trap had beeen sprung...
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and he wonders whether the traps reset themselves
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before he inches forward to nibble at the cheese, yet he feels gulity about his companion mouse
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and yet he remembers cheese rule 1, thou shalt get cheese from the sacred cheese of life, found in an open boat which he has to visit every saturday.
(oops what am i talking)
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I mean he needs the bread of life, whoever who eats of it shalt not grow hungry,
-

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And Oreo cheesecake($3) for lunch today
cheesecake doesn't satisfy, and eating too much of it makes one sick... the first few nibbles were nice though
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Ok I should stop this cheese business

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Sunday
as I went forward after the service to sit on one of the front pews looking at the Big Cross , longing just for another touch from God...
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and I turn left, and see this big board that has been there since youth day 2006, it says
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TRUST
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painted in big orange yellow letters
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yet back home, resorting the BB photos and requesting for more
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and slow MSN DL speeds and solving winRA(a)R problems and bombardment of chem rubbish quesitonswhich I havnt done
oh well
-

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Monday
did my EA1 homework from 4-5 , QT 5-530
then off to take bus(my mum was working Night shift)
a 963 passed before me, to my utter irritation, why is it when ever i need a 963 to school it never comes... yet now i wanted my Mcdonald's breakfast
5 minutes later, 67 comes, and i board it at 655
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drop off at Mcdonalds at 610, buy a muffin and milo peng before going off to the KAP bustop to munch and wait for the bus 74
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and as expected, 74 did come at 620.. haha... i learnt from last time, the next bus at 635 would make me late...
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and i guess up i go, to the 2nd deck, to find russell see, stonning, and Amanda G. studying chem and wearing the ultimate dao machine( made by apple, and its called an iPod)
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sat in front of russell, attempted some conversation with him, but it was like talking to a stone wall.
so i give up and plonk out chem to study... lol..... was thinking of taking out my dao machine too
but decided against it, besides it was only a short journey
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FireAC, Give us clean hands, and Open our eyes of my heart
and Faith...
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and Talbot attempts to confiscate my bible during chapel....lol... like errrr.....
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Custodian day
nice pledges that none of us can recite properly
vay ko no maa ger
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and math centipedes
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Chinese B waste time (Tang Jie not around)
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Geog, Tim Lim ,
befor that heard from the SL1 chem techer that Chiam wasn't around and I happily assumed no chem test
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EA1 that was enjoyable for once, Jean Luah refusing to come, which means
1) no IOP
2) Runima came, finally a lot more cheerful and it was an interesting lesson at least
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Math again, differenciation with Gina Ong
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Chem: and the SL1 chem teacher comes to give the TEST !!!!! ARRRR
no
i didnt re-revise
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nice what on earth is Maxwell-Boltz graph?????
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and she says open book
oh my
yay that was easy then
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it was funny to see John Tay parading in halfway through the test... he assumed free-period
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and after that down to the admin room, and Lua and milk and arguments that Bio is better than physics(my former best subject before i ditched it in favor of bio)
-

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Today
Overslept.... zzzz no QT
and it was a horrible day....
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Although tried CS to make myself feel better, but it only gives momentary satisfaction to (snipe/mow dow with a Para machine gun/headshot with AK-47) bots running amok with knives, or stab frozen bots in the head. oh well, I guess like DotA, CS is only fun when you play with friends you know well.
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but the prayer meeting at the end was good i guess
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only God can satisfy i guess
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off to a nap before TOK essay
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"Nice one, Emil..."

For bringing laughter... to the 2 old folks, i guess that big wide smile, and the utter randomness of the guitar playing, and i guess they started to crack up...
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"they saying you are very funny in cantonese"(Tim)
actually i half understood the cantonese, they were saying I was a clown...
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lol... i guess...
The laughter didnt just get confined to 2 of them, sharing of experiences later, there was laughter lol... and well...
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yet the saddening thing that was shared...
"there was a lady who said she didnt want to accept Christ, because she said many of them say they are christian to get treated better"
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I guess...
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and before that plonking an officers cap on top of Wesley head, seeing an outraged Charles Ng face... and ... ... ...
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I dunno, there's something about it... that makes me want to smile, yet, emo
the happysad feeling, the bittersweet ...
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The Wing time games, and I guess girls aren't exactly very good in soccer... handball lol, did i kick it hard against that hand?... ouch ... i dunno ... I didn't participate in the captains ball which i totally suck at, short height isnt much of an advantage, and i guess being able to work well with a team isnt easy...
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Colosse got owned eitherway...
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Bible study, I guess again, its hard to concentrate, but at least Charles didnt do anything inflamatory...
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'Lord I Give you my heart... ' how does one love You with all of once heart, mind, soul and strength? I wish I could think of you in the same frequency, in the same manner that makes me smile to see You... give me that longing after You...
-

---

yet it was a lonely bus ride back all the same... whats the point of taking the bus back to school and taking 74, when there is a nice, super frequent, and fast bus 67 to Bukit timah?
"Emil are you alright"(Marc Ho)
I guess I looked rather sad, emo, or tired, on the bus... i dunno
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I wish I could love the way You want me to love Lord...
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happysad(happy)

happysad(happy)
-
an interesting point to note that XL's one of blog posts had something along that lines, and Tim's as well.
-
anyway today was realatively happy for me I guess, my 3 happiness factors were present at least in someway or another...
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"Isnt your class there?"
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and God was there in that classroom, that wasnt the Bio class room, and was so real... like last week, again He came.
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and I remember praying a prayer along this lines
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"Break me"
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and yet, I couldnt cry a tear... there was this awesome, joyful feeling, yet no tears.
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and I guess there are still those emo moments... at least while waiting at Central(Clarke quay) while my mum and aunts were waiting for my cousin to come back from shopping.
"... ...You thinking of girlfriend ar?..."(my mum)
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whatever...
-
I guess :
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I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
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Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
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I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood.
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Thank You Lord for being so faithful...and for today, for what you've done

Grace

Finally, a time to post, IOP/CHB Oral prep ate 2 days

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Monday
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while the little box got given , along with a red card from tim, and a lone kitkat bar from K
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the momentary expression...
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Just for you... God loves you... and that love is enough for all of us, for me, and for you, there is no greater love than this, shown on the cross...
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and no matter what happens, God still loves....
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Sometimes I wonder, what's the point of getting so emo/concerned over just 1 person? why was I willing to live off prata, and go without my extravagant treats for 1 week(no quiche, no yoghurt,), to save enough money? Even as i was preparing my chinese oral, about "qing sao nian tan lian ai" , there is no logical reason supporting the stand.
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But again, what does God get from loving us, for getting so pained to see us go away from Him? why did He send His Son to die for us? He could have just left us be, to carry on our depraved lives. He gets nothing from us at all, nothing.
the answer is Grace, Agape love that gives without expecting back.
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Love beyond reason....
Is that what you want to teach me Lord?
-

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Tuesday
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the sharing and worship
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even as I was leading, yet i was desperate, even managing not to look at ... ... ... for once, Lord come and show Yourself, show Your Glory , your presence... even as the first song it seemed like God couldnt be felt...
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Lord please come..
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and He came as we sung Hosanna, or maybe I could finally feel Him, the song in which I had the most conviction...
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Break my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
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Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I have for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from here into eternity
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yet poor time management, did a very quick sharing and dismissed them at 729
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and felt really guilty for making people late...

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there are a few things that would make me happy
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Hearing God speak to me
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talking/listening
seeing .... happy
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I guess its stupid of me, Tim needs to pinch me more often
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"all part of growing up"(lua)
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in this ever changing world, there is still a faithful, loving, unchanging God
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and that is more than I ever need...
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Your Grace is enough...

Isaiah 55

and God has been shoving thisat me a few times at me over the past 2 days

Isaiah 55(NIV)

Invitation to the Thirsty

(1)"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
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(2) Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
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(3) Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
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(4) See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
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(5) Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
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(6) Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
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(7) Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
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(8) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
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(9) "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
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(10) As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
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(11) so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
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(12) You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
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(13) Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
-

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and besides that:
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Proverbs 3:5-6
(5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
(6) in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-

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I need to trust You more, and trust that no matter what happens what circumstance I'm in, You are still in control
-
And You still love me, no matter how wretched I may be
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as I am nothing, but, You Lord , are everything
-

---

yet feeling guilty, if i can spend so much time/money/effort doing stuff... ... ..., why cant I love my mum more at times?
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teach me to love the way you want me to love Lord.
-

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Love unfailing, overtaking my Heart
You take me in
Finding peace again , fear is lost in all You are...
-

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Saturday
A nice load of scrubbing and stuff for BB primers room
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lets twist again...
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yet Wesley talks to me in the morning... from the primers room --> space frame
"the school governors where complaining about 1 of the girls in the primer contingent, the skirt was too short."
*points to Petrina's skirt*
"cannot be her... so .... erm..."
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why tell me of all people? like I can do anything if someone decides to be naughty and wear skirts that are too short?
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scrape scrape paint, sliding around madly on my knees on the soapy floor
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"i don't believe in getting wet while cleaning"(Lee Min)
lol... i wonder what use is gently pinching one end of a sponge like a dead rat and sliding it over the floor. it was fun splashing soap at her direction... high frequency sounds result...
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After that, bible study with Charles Ng...
scissors paper stone with Tim to see who does worship... lol
ended up me losing and doing...
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This Kingdom
Jesus Lover of my Soul (peek)
Shout to the Lord(Tim)
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leading worship, it's a struggle to try to make sure my mind is focused on Him sometimes, as in its nice to see someone worshiping Him wholeheartedly but my focus should be on the Lord always.
-
and Charles Ng tapping me on the head hard as i was looking at bearing 345 ...
"Its just a sign of affection"
-
I wasnt completely focused... i guess...
-
as the room cleared after the BS finished, and I was left alone, before asking whether my mum could send me to church...
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answer: no
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so I take 166 down telok blangah, pass my church , to vivo city, B2, C.E.
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I would like to have imagine Tim's face at that place, chocolate chocolate galore, a ridiculous persist strong aroma of chocolate.
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... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
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after a while , off to Old Chung Kee for Curry 'O' Dinner (wasn't very rich after that)
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then to church
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You broke the night like the sun
Healed my heart with Your Great Love...
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Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
and takes the weight of the world
-
...I love You
All of my life is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me....
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Stand on mountain tops with me
with You I walk through the valleys
You gave your Only Son for me
Your Grace is all i rely on...
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...And I will be complete in You...
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Worship was good, so wonderful, so amazing love and His presense
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QT: Proverbs 3:5-6 Isaiah 55

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Sunday
impressions for REW during the JY service..
-
and David Leong preaching, yet through him God shoved Isaiah 55 and proverbs at me again
-
yet offering and annoucements at the same time, with no Doxology, not a very comfortable layout
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and going forward for prayer, I could feel His joy, His presense, yet...
why couldnt I break down and cry like all the other times? A heart desperate for Him, and longs for more of Him,
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...Seek the Lord while He may be found...
-

---

and its back home after a hair cut,a nap,dinner and back to play around with orange/pink/green marker pens,orange paper glue , scissors, and white stiff card.
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my hand writing still sucks though =(
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and i can't make stuff like tim...
"but don't say anything too impulsive"
-
i guess the stuff on this blog are bad enough... especially the older posts, haha Tim...
-
...Seek the Lord while He may be found...
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and I presently have
1) IOP on tuesday
2) CHB oral on wednesday
to prepare
+
1) math
2) TOK
3) Bio prac
4) EA1 essay
-
oh no... ... GG

5th commandment

while quarrells...
sighs... 5th commandment, help me, help...
-
and damn you satan, DAMN YOU, if you want to attack me, dont touch my mum....
-
I dunno being happy about the other side, but why must there always be something to try to drag me down?
-
anyway , heres to "the most selfish, self-centered, unloving, irresponsible brat in the world, who puts off people from becoming christians" , can't you stop it...
-

---

"cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you" 1 Peter 5 :7

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and Charles, kindly stop your nonsense, if you know about it, I dont care, but stop it seriously
-

---

I know perfectly well that i do care for others, i know... ...
-
and Seb Chua today at the prayer meeting , touched by His presence, while i was leading worship, yet its not about me, as i always consistantly tell God, its all about You, and before we do anything , we need You, we need You here, and it is not by my playing , or the words we speak, or anything, we are just instruments, and not just instruments, but lousy ones, like some guitar made of plywood and rusted strings out of tune... compared to the nice Taylors, Martins, Gibsons, that God could use instead yet he chooses to use us, to use me...
-
God's rag-dolls, as quoted from "love beyond reason"
-
I guess, the present issue would come to pass, things will work out fine... sooner or later, God wil make a way in the time of trial, and He will move, mightly, just wait , "be strong and take heart.. wait for the Lord"(psalm 27:14)
-

---

yet today while queueing for prata(surviving on that to save money)...
saw a bunch of sec 4 indian guys... and a certain snippets of their conversations got overheard
"banging..... girl...."
I felt really really really sick after that.... why are people so corrupt, so vile, so unclean?
-
... ... ...
-
i remember another MSN conversation with Hannah Goh last year during December
-
the gist of the conversation:
an embarrassing question, "What is M***?"
apparently some weird random guy initialed a Webcam convo and asked her whether she wanted to watch M***
I was shocked and disgusted and told her to block the person
-
why are people so sick, so corrupt, so vile?
if such stuff happened to people I care about?
-
"F*** you lah"
while at heritage talking to tim some random couple
-
shiitake mushrooms what power is there in such vile words?

---

I wont deny this is an Emo post , a lot of things running through my mind... and wonder and wish again...
-
today technically had a bad start, a good in between , and a lousy ending(thanks CN, nice "Love , Faith, Hope" and subtle comments).
-
and one has this impression that Tim doesnt want to give any 'false hope' whatsoever... I get his rationale, but i wonder, what is God's answer?
not a direct no, but a wait first?
-
I wish i knew...

Mustard Hotdogs, Love Beyond reason

a simple prayer at the start of the day...
instead of
"Lord Give me a happy day"
-
I prayed:
"Lord let me honor and glorify you this day"
and it seems to be a happier day today eitherway
-
ended my sabbathical from playing today ,playing for Lee Min, who was suppose to lead....
i guess in the end... it had a sort of connection... Made me glad, Still, I will run to You(why is it everytime i play for someone , they tend to pick this song?), draw me close, I could sing of Your love.
-
12 o clock... TOK, and before that... recess... and Charity cafe...
-
charity cafe, notoriously famous for draining my pocket of money(last week i spent close to $15.) half a slice of .13 brownie, for $1 earlier on, a chocolate filled ectasy, oh my, it was really good...
-
even so as i walked around...alone, resisting the temptaion to buy the nice $3 cheese puffs, donuts and etc, sorry Benedict i dont like Ah Balling ... and watching people aggressively try to sell their food...
-
I consented to a $1 indian snack thingy offfered by Lee Min, and somehow just watched as the .10 people were running around with Ikea bags agressively attacking people to ask them to buy hot dogs... and instinctively followed, and watched... a realising ... seen, not yet 'attacked' ... i wondered...and wished...
-
walked around more, drawn to a drink blender , Ivan muki tan'/Tessa's/Amanda Chua's class Oreo milkshake thingy... and decided to buy, while hanging around waiting for the shake, which took a really long time...
-
... ... ... "Emil, buy a hot dog *smile*"
and finally i had my hotdog for $2, topped with liberal amounts of mustard... cold yet warming...
-
and the oreo milkshake came soon after for $1.50
-
total, $5.50, more money than i spent fo lunch over the past 3 days... living off roti prata just to have enough money for the end of the week ... Presently i have about $35 left
-
and free munchy donuts from Ann later in the free period TOK, apparently she found them too sweet...
and indeed they were too sweet... waay too sweet...

---

it been a weird day, I havn't felt like this for a long time...

---

sobered a little by the FireAC meeting later... i guess...
-
an Charles Ng , came about 2 hours late (i'll be there after school ends)
-
and passes me the the book, Love Beyond Reason... a story of God's Love
-
and how do I compare His Love to human love? Agape... unconditional love, ? I guess so..
-
while Charles obviously knows by now... he admitted he read my blog before... but made no other comment other than finding the layout messy
-
" being united in vision is important, being united in emotion is common" (charles to me and daniel chng)
whats that supposed to mean....
-
and as I go into my mum's car, she somehow has BGR stuck in her head, and making really stupid jokes
-
"why it we must call first and not you call us first?'
"why always stay back so late at the primers room , got girl primer you like ar?"
-
like whatever lah... i dont think kenneth, Tim, XL, daniel or John count as girl primers and Charles cetainly doesnt fulfill either requirement of being a primer or girl.
-

---

I guess... Its been a weird day... happy day, but,... ... weird...

The bitter poison, the glass splinters, and unnatural evolution

The poison came upon the victim expectantly, as the contaminated antidote to the snake venom was administered, the victim struggled as its bitter effects fell upon him, and as it poisoned the mind, the heart , the rationality
-
the victim looked upon the antidote with contempt, of what he thought could have saved him had made him worse off
-
yet he could not do so for long... ... he had no life to do so

---

the beautiful feathery texture and shiny, white and looks soft, yet it pricks, it shatters, it breaks, and it.... hurts.
-
The glass wool, "Do we have to wear gloves?"
-
equilibrium Gibbs Free energy of latent heat of fusion.
if Gibbs free energy is zero , what outcome is that? spontaneous or not?

---

yet there is always someone out there who heals and satisfies, He has the power to heal, to love, with a love greater than any possible love
-
... give you my Heart,... Live for you alone...
-
cat or dog? do I live for Him, my heart my life my all to Him? Is that my one desire?
-

---

I shall stop writing in riddles from this part onwards
-
the evolutionist, i once was that....
yet as the IB bio syllabus requires us to give examples of evolution taking place...
-
the idea of evolution is that it is possible for a species to become one entirely new species by natural selection..
-
however the examples given were lame... they didnt show how evolution was taking place...
-
all it showed was natural selection... and not evolution, you can name all the examples those evolutionist atheist try to 'prove' evolution,", pepper moths, multiple-drug resistant bacteria, some toxin resistant plant... c'mon, they dont show evolution, they only show natural selection... where is your "new species"?
-
and even Galapagos finches, they are still all finches, they can interbreed and produce viable offspring...
-
you got to be kidding me, they dont show evolution.. even if scientists insist using taxonomy that they are different species...
-
can those evolutionist come up with concrete evidence that humans came from apes?
-
rather leading common people astray by saying citing 'examples of evolution' which isnt evolution at all... just natural selection...
-
c'mon you better have a better argument than that...
-
luckily Ruma doesn't preach evolution... i heard enough of stories how some science teachers try to insist that "science has proven evolution is a fact"
-
show me your prove... if you have any at all...
-
and i can say that God made all things... every creature... and we humans dont come from apes..
-
i mean, if the simplest lifeform which apparently is the mother of all species that exist is one puny prokaryotic chemioautotropic bacteria,
-
how does random spontaneous mutations give rise to advance organisms, that get magnified by natural selection? you dont make sense... even after billions of years
-
of course species have died out before, natural selection does play a role, and you can see adaptations and variation to fit.
-
but how can one say that species and turn into another completely different species?

if... rabbits had pink tails

seem like tim is getting a little tired... in that case i shall refrain from giving him nightmares...
-
while water baloon sculpture bursts in Bio class, not on me luckily...
-
yet i dont want to make a fool of myself in front of ... ... ... and i have done that too many times liao...
-
nmind... sighs...
-
Bio class, the usual... except in the math classroom, ugh, looking at a mathematical aspect of bio
-
looking at the people all doze off at the back...
-
"maybe you should look in front" (Tim)
i dunno, the queer feeling; and distracting...
-
ironically there has been rather few bio classes since the time i stopped taking notes(around late feb) that i paid full attention to, yet bio is still my best subject (Chinese B doesnt count), and i seem to remember all of what ruma teaches...
-
or maybe the fact that ruma has this habit of asking ... if understand... and it subconciously drills it in...
-
or perhalps ridiculus examples (capture mark release recapture method)
"Ok lets say you are all rabbits and I catch all of you"
" so i paint the tails pink and release all of you again"
"... and Emil gets caught again, Amanda gets caught again, John gets caught again..."
"trap happy rabbits"
-

---

this song was written last year, but i never got to adding music to it....till now...

---

Simply Worship
-
Verse1
Fall back on your grace
Simply come to praise
Knowing you are God eternally always
-
Pre-chorus
I will trust You always
I will worship in this place
Simply come and worship you Jesus
-
Chorus
And I’ll come before your throne
Simply worship You alone
Simply thank You for what You’ve done all for me
Simply thank you for the cross
The pain your took for us
And simply worship You our Lord God and King
-
Verse2
No matter what troubles I may face
I know You’ll be with me all my days
You’re my Rock my Fortress my Shelter
-
2006 Emil Ng

cant remember the biblical inspiration for the lyrics though...
-

---

sighs, I'm not feeling that sad, but its a queer feeling... when one decides to stop bashing himself and simply let it be...
-
'the non-competitive inhibitor has been disabled ... now all we have is the competitive inhibition of the enzyme'
-
"Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?" (John 21:15)
-
I need more of You Lord...

---

"You better pull yourself together or you are going to fail your end years"
I dont need that... I have ENOUGH fom my mum....
thanks a lot...
-

Purposeful

2nd
not random... post
today
-
while I will not tag an emo to this post, despite the crushed smoothie dumped violently into a dustbin by TK,
-
and the maple slime bubble that burst upon me in J.Lua class
-

---

singing this song under my breathe throughout the day
"cause all You are is all I want, Always"
the song Always
-
"Can I feel You in the wind , Is everything I known marked with my Maker's fingerprints"
while a breeze was blowing while praying, and that, brought tears, that He still loves me, and He still cares
-
and while that sobered look, Tim getting concerned..
-
yet when i look like that it doesn't always mean I'm thinking of ... ... ...
-
maybe work is really starting to stress me out as well?
-
anyway train of thought (thanks tim for helping me to construct points i-iv)
-
i. Its been nearly 7 months
-
ii.I still like ... , a lot in fact
-
iii.There is 1 part that wants to not care at all and says " impossible, it wont turn out that way , you just wasting time " and it wants to HATE the part that likes as in really HATE"
-
iv. I ask God, He doesn't say no, He just says wait...
-
v. And I keep wondering...
-
1. Charles Ng says he wants to pass me that book, but i cant find it in the primer's room either way
-
2. Petrina peeving me off today by not passing me the MiniCal stuff, wasting my time stoning in the Primers room(apology accepted tho)
-
3. Nice high fives, and other stuff lor, leaving me alone, I always seem to be tagging along with you 2,
-
4. Work is starting to stress me out...
-
apologies to certain people, if you feel uncomfortable reading... , if you are tim , =P
-
but again, lets go back further
-

---

One of my church friends, 3 years younger than me
-
accusations by Jasmine Ho that I liked her were, partly true last time, last year... ... and I have no idea why did Jasmine suddenly come up with such utter random stuff... ... strangely enough for the friend didn't have that kind of laugh it away kind of reaction...
-
but either way it was okay, no emoness or anything , as in,
-
1) liking (even half-liking, it wasnt exactly a really 'like' kind of thing) a sec 1 girl when you are sec 4 is plain stupid...
-
2) And either way I didn't end up having to see her everyday or have to see someone else... ...
-
but eitherway, after sometime it was ok... very good friends, haha , stupid things like maple story... laughing at Mrs Kong's Pronunciation, Adobe photoshop, neoprints(refer to the post "prelim aftermath"(02 Oct 06)),Para Para ,Sharing music, even talking about things like drill(GB) lol
-
some part of me wants that for ... ... ..., i guess if that could be the resolution, i would be happy... or happier.. i dunno though..
-
the difference however, may make it difficult
1) The degree of 'like' comes into account,
2) The fact that there isn't that nice age gap to safeguard doesn't help
-
random rubbish, that they both have the same surname, they both have father problems(divorced/pass away),both of similar stature.
-
the stupid me sometimes gets reminded of ... ... ... when seeing her *pinch*
-
haha, if that church friend of mine is reads the blog... lol...
-
nmind lor... nothing wrong...

---

but either way God, You will provide always....
This post is not EMO, I was feeling ok, when i posted it
just wanted to purge out my thoughts though... my irresponsible blogging, haha.
-
ok
maybe i should password protect my posts
but how does one do that in blogger?

random

To the bored of ACS governers:
-
-
When will Emil ever learn to post when he is sane?
-
He knows perfectly well that certain people read the blog...
but he still writes rubbish
-
He deserves to be expelled
-
and even after going to learn to be good at port dickson he still cant be good
he still fails to do his homework on time and doesnt wear his school socks
-
oh well since they say the best is yet to be i guess we could assume that he can be better


Labels: Emil has been a disgusting bad boy

---

dr_ong_teck_chin@acs-independent.sch.edu.sg signing off

---

oh well i guess at times its nice to lose my sanity for a bit... and assume my alterego personality...
-
nmind I'm fine...
or am I?

Broken Break

while the last of our nice NDP holiday finished,
-
Cant believe I haven't done much.... except perhaps catch up with my math...
-
most of the time spent emoing away...
-
yet next Monday... i wonder...
-
if you remember an earlier post i posted after a Friday evangelism session... i wonder, ... is it worth making an exception for once?
-
I never ever got one from my friends b4... partly because i dont give them either...
-
a certain post on XL's blog... caught my eye many months ago..
-

---

nmind... I shall ask others first... i guess it wont be too big a deal...
-
yet I also wonder why C.N. has this sudden urge to pass me that book, a book which apparently is so dear an precious to him?
-
"officers read blogs too you know"(Tim)
-
I recall him talking to ... ... ... at one in the night,on tuesday night or wednesday morning walking from the astroturf to the Primers room, while i creeped off at the same time...
-
I recall that particular remark he made at the astroturf : "You sure your sole purpose is to do QT?".
He was literally chasing me back to the room
-
"Emil go back and sleep all the other primers are sleeping"
"You sure all the primers?"
*pause*
".... she'll go back later.... c'mon go back"
"I want to do my QT"
"You sure your sole purpose is to do QT?"(Gives me a funny look)
"Sir....."(with the irritated inflection)
-

---

and dispite the insistance that ** is ok... yet the sms... and now i seem to understand why its like that
-
"... ... makes me think of somethings"
-
and I guess for me it does the same...
-
why... why why... why why why...
-
why did things have to go this way?
-
I'll rather still be hurt than to see you hurt... at least I know I'll get over it... at least I know I'm used to it...
-
yet to the world it wouldn't make sense... according to the world I shouldn't give a damn... its your loss not mine...
-
Avril Lavigne retarded songs like "Skater Boy"
"...Sorry girl but you missed out....too bad..."
-
yet why do I care, why do I want to feel the same hurt?
-
and this itself would make me guilty, for "openly showing my feelings for her" as you phrased it in LDC adv party night
-
why didnt I think about that part at first... ... I was too busy thinking about myself that I forgot about how you'd felt...
-
3 words... "I am sorry" would it make a difference?
-
confusion... wishes... that God you would come and give us Your joy again, and just heal the wounds.

Always...

oh well ... Charles Ng just freaked me out with this sudden msn convo

(10:59 PM) Charles Ng- quie: emil
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: if i gave you a book to read
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: would you be willing to finish it?
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: my gift to you
(11:00 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: depends on th book
(11:00 PM) Charles Ng- quie: must read
(11:00 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: but most of the time yes
(11:01 PM) Charles Ng- quie: ok then.... i will give it to you... will put it in the primers room next to the computer tomorrow so you can go get it
(11:03 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: what book is it?
(11:03 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: lol
(11:03 PM) Charles Ng- quie: you will find out
(11:04 PM) Charles Ng- quie: but you must read it
(11:04 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: hmm topic on?
(11:06 PM) Charles Ng- quie: Love
(11:06 PM) Charles Ng- quie: have you heard of John Ortberg?
(11:07 PM) ✞♥☺☻عмٱLٱмعz|Jes: no...
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: good
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: this book that I'm passing you has my notes, my heart and soul
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: so its very precious
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: but i am passing it to you
(11:07 PM) Charles Ng- quie: so please read it carefully and faithfully
-
you can imagine how freaked out i was...
-
oh well...
guess i might be gething a little too obvious...
-

---

-
even so i wish... XL could be the same old XL before Feb...
-
and i wish... more...
-
yet God again decided to speak to me...through songs
-
I arrived in church a little bit late for YF... to miss all the nice fast praise songs...
-
....Amen... Drum sticks tapping....
-
Did you rise the sun for me....
-
the song Always...... and....it really ministered to me....
-
Cause all you are is all I want always,
Draw me close in your arms oh God
I wanna be with You
-
when all else fades my soul will dance with You ... where the Love lasts forever...
-
while Rod Parade... One in vision One in Christ, We will stand...
-
and BS... i need a working pinch dispenser...stop looking lah..... grrr... lol nmind... Emil is being stupid and silly as usual
-
and nice Charles take time to swan Tim...
-
lol oh well...
-
when God speaks to you, things always seem happier.. at least for a few hours after that...

Music for the Soul

2nd post today
while decided to thrash out emotions on a piano and guitar...
-
and amazingly, a lot better now...
-
thank God for musical ability... to be able to play out melodies and songs to ease out the emotions...
-
and good thing no one is in the house, they all left to eat bah ku teh at my aunts place(i refused)
-
normally a shut up emil, dont tonk tonk tonk the piano would result...
-
oh well... ROD for sec4s tmr, and showcasing the ridiculous PAT video... haha... and well.. supposedly no Tim tmr, which can be a good and bad thing... no swans? but i dunno
-
ok time to start on my work, after procrastinating for 3 days...or... 3 months??? lol...
-

---

edit: thanks Tim... for the encouragement..

Wishes

Decided to change my Blog layout after complains that the current layout made it hard to navigate...

---

it always seems that things at the present seem so much more important, so much more real than eternity...
-
yet...
the msn wishes not yet fulfilled...
-
and XL daoing me on msn... oh well...
-
and 'neth spamming me with random messages... although his apology is appreciated...
-
2 ppl on the BB floating contacts.... the other 2 i wish would talk to me..
-
and it seems so hard to talk to God... ... to hear His voice saying that He still loves me...
-
Mood: down
-
and Math "lines and planes" and TOK essay and EE and CHB oral and IOP cry out to me , asking me to do them... yet... I don't have the mood...
-
missing God being so real ... and ...
-
and just feeling lonely, just the way it was in CNY, the June holidays, and even on WoW and Genting...
-
wishes...

Msn wishes

2nd post today
-
wishing 2 particular people could initial chats to me,(not me initiating), oh well, and both of them are always persistantly busy status, or at least 1 of them anyway, the other at least has online status now and then... ... even so... ...
-
the 7 people on my desktop floating contacts
4 from BB
2 from Choir
1 from Church
-

---

well...
if we had Jesus as a contact, and we could hear from Him and speak to Him with the Words down in black and white.... and specifically ask Him for direction and comfort
-
well there is always the Bible, God's words to us in black and white, words of comfort and words of direction
-
and there is always prayer....
-
but i wish there was video conversation built into the chat client... with the mic and webcam installed and automatic chat logging, the way Windows Live Messenger( i dunno why ppl still call it MSN) has it... rather than something like lousy ICQ 3 , nothing but chat only
-
not so emo now but still a little.
-
"... 'tags: Emo God' heh heh"(quote Wesley)
-
whatever... ...
"Wesley Wesley"(quote Mink Kyeong, Petrina and Lee Min)

---

and, since everyone seems to be writing happy b'day S'pore in their posts today....
-
fine, cheers to "the 42nd anniversary of the leepublic"(quote 'neth)

Hypocrite...

Since tim has requested that I stop mentioning TK in my post, I shall refrain as far as possible
and this post isnt exactly nice to read eitherway .

---

when one was complaining about someone going to school early in the morning under the excuse of doing Qt,
-
yet... one goes to the astroturf on tuesday night , also under the excuse of QT. while others blasted music and talked about anything under the stars,
-
and a lone one person gazed up to a starry sky , talking to God,yes , but yet, looking towards the lighted portion of the school , and gazing...
-
"are you sure your sole purpose of coming here is to do QT?"
(Charles Ng)
-
why should one set double standards for people?
-
and why should someone else be more important than God?
-
that it even seems that one is itching to initiate an msn chat, yet apparently too tired to do QT?
-
and, even then?

---

Looking at bearing 305⁰ while standing in the primers contingent, aware that a large number of fancinated photographers where clicking away the file left to one, the file described by Russell See as the file in which the contingent derived bad drill from (before an instinctive automatic "dont be so bad" from one)
-
while had tim been behind one, a nice whack on the back and a comment that one should look at the front while doing drill... would have followed, assuming parade was not in progress
-

---

-
Bus ride back,
" daniel chng , swap place please"
yet the other moved first, before chng responded... which lead one to feel terrible,... which was why one wanted to swap first.... too scared...

---

-
one had enough, to slosh water violently at K after being so fed up, of being a loser
-
and even having to play the role of a loser in the PAT videos,
-
why....
-
one hates himself... for being who he is...
-

---

Leading worship, as Tim described it is to bring people to encounter God... through music, through the words one speaks...
-
yet one seems to feel that at times, you particularly want one particular person to have the encounter... and places all as a benchmark? or what?
-
i dunno.... i really dunno
-
if emotions still grip me strongly at certain moments of time , even though the resolution is set, yet i tend to revert back...
-
"You sure you can (beat XL in DotA) ar?"
-
i.e. I always lose isn't it?
-

I have thrashed people, even XL, in DotA when I was on form last time, i dunno about now , after a close to 1 month of not playing... and 8 months of not playing seriously( I stopped playing seriously since Os)

---

-
okay... disclaimer, I am still rather bipolar, this post was posted in one of my low moments, so dont get too concerned...
-
and most of my posts is just a random joting down of whatever comes to my head...
-
And tim shall scold me for thinking too much... of ... ... ...
-
Emil you disgusting bad boy, dont post spam on peoples tagboards also...
-
Pointless post...

All in All

When I fall down You pick me up
when I am dry You fill my cup
You are my All in All

---

X-Country
nearly killed myself by.
1) not drinking water before starting off
2) Trying to not let someone beat me( and failing to do so thanks to dehydration)
3) Joseph Gwee's "Haha You lost to ... ... ..."
-
Noooooo
-
I deserve to get pinched by Tim 70 times 70 times for being such an idiot
-

---

Thanks ... ... ... for telling Tim to look for me though...
-
and thanks Tim for letting me vomit my emo-ness on you.
-

---

yet would it break God's heart to see us let something so trival become more important than Him?
-
maybe thats why waiting is the correct thing to do... or maybe?
-
yet the same answer;
"I will be with you no matter what you choose to do."
-
God is still more important tho... although distractions are always there, but... He is still more important.
-

---

"These kind of things should never be rushed, or they are doomed to fail..."(Sam Lee, former youth worker from GMC, paraphrase)
-
...think about the shirt vs TNT... or what? ...
No... dont judge people, Emil you are a BAD BOY
-
...these kind of things are painful for the people involved, dont drag it up...
ok... fine... slap me.
-

---

memories of Nanyang while taging along with TnT along namily road and 1,2,3,4,5,6 avenue
-
oh well...

The 3 words

A statement, up to you to interpret:
1) Who the "you" refers to
2) What the 3 words are
-
"if i said those 3 words, would it mean anything to you?"
-
anyway, to start off the post:

---

random dumb stuff(G.Ong quotes)
“If you on council duty better not walk near the VIP” (to Cielito after a particularly loud burp)
“Make sure you Eyes Sparkle”(to J. Low)
"at this time we all become very retarded" (to the class)

---

The more comtemplative bit
-
while i was in P4(not yet a Christian) , reading through the 200+ Enid Blyton books on the bookshelf, and I came across this book, The Land of Far Beyond (First published in 1942).
-
I dunno how many of you read it, its a bit like The Chronicles by C.S. Lewis, or The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, only its not so well known.
-
anyway an excerpt from the second last chapter

---

The children and Mr Scornful have finally arrived at the gates of the Land of Far-Beyond, after enduring much dangers and difficulties from Journey from the city of Turmoil , in the hope that by getting to the City of happiness, their burdens could be removed. alone the way many of their companions got sidetracked and were left behind, leaving only the 4 of them.
-
before that....
" there are 3 passwords to the Land of Far-Beyond, and its great City of Happiness" said Sleep. "They are passwords given long ago by the Prince of the City Himself. The three words are - Faith, Hope,- and Love. If you are asked which is the greatest of these, you must try to give a right answer - for each one must answer that for himself.
-
later....
"Well - could we just go in to see?" said Peter at last. "Could we pass through the gates and walk on to the city?"
-
"Only if you know the 3 passwords" said the first gatekeeper, his clear eyes looking through the boy
-
"We do know them," said Peter. "They are - Faith, Hope, and Love."
-
"Quite right," said the man. "And now tell me, each of you - which is the greatest of those 3?"
-
The children looked at one another. They remembered Kindly and Friendly, they thought of Comfort and Cheerful, they remembered Mercy and Pity - all of them had helped them through love and kindliness. Love must surely be the greatest of the three, since it could bring so much help and happiness to others.
-
"Well - I think Love is the greatest," said Peter, and his 2 sisters nodded their heads. But Mr Scornful threw back his head and laughed.
-
"Love!" he said jeeringly."As if Love is great! Love is silly and soft and no good at all. Good gracious me, if I'd love my fellow men I'd never had got the riches and the power I did get! Love doesn't get you anywhere."
-
"Do you need to get anywhere?" said the gatekeeper. "Ah, I suppose men like you must get somewhere! Well tell me - which of the 3 do you think is the greatest?"
-
Mr Scornful thought for a moment. "Well I don't think much of Faith," he said. "But Hope isn't bad. I'm always hoping something good will turn up. I'm always hoping I'll make more money. Yes - Hope is the greatest of the 3 I think!"
-
The 2 gatekeepers lowered their swords and beckoned to the 3 children. "You may pass through the gates," they said. "But this man may not."
-
The children passed through the iron gates as they swung open. But when Mr Scornful tried to pass through, the gatekeepers stopped him with their flaming swords.
-
"You cannot pass." they said. "No man who scorns love and charity may pass on to the City of Happiness"....

---

-
These 3 words : Faith, Hope, and Love
but the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13)
Would that mean anything to you?
-
Faith: In Jesus
Hope: of Salvation (not in riches)
Love: From God
-
the greatest of these is Love
-
reading this while as a non-Christian back then, it would still have meaning to me... yet... even more so now...
-
Love, not just that BGR kind of Love, or even as the Chinese say : Mu Ai (mothers love), but a Love far greater, the Love of God.

---

yet Lord the times i wish... ... yet
-
Quote(tim lim)
"If God doesnt give it to you now, it probally means He'll give you a bigger cookie later... or it could be he wants You to learn something... ... or both."
-
It doesn't matter, yet it matters, why?
-
3 words, would it mean anything?

---

And somehow conversations with certain people seem to hold a slight pinch of salt in it, like there was something that went wrong earlier, whats still with the comparing of Guitars and etc, and that competiveness?
-
reminding me of Shaun Ang, one of my best firends in Sec 1-3. yet he changed alot since the Choir Exco positions problem... and become more competetive, even perhaps bitter? I dont really know?
-
3 words, would it change anything?

---

And I close off with the same statement, letting you decide what I could possibly mean.
-
"if i said those 3 words, would it mean anything to you?"

When the Music fades

FOA over on friday... ... finally can get my life back from choir... and end my my career as a "Professional Procrastinator" (Quote from a convo in April)
-
oh well... disappointed ... in a sense, the people i wanted to turn up didnt turn up, and no one to say hi to at the end of the concert , while i see people get cheered, flowers, chocs, outside the dance studio, all I had was a collection of clothes from my mum before rushing down to join the FireAC ppl downstairs...
-
I guess i wasnt the only one, Evelyn probaly was also, with Tim disappearing for the "reach out to UYO" FireAc thingy before the end of the concert... and oh well...
-
memories of Haven , the CPA , the warmup room , the dance studio, the girls all having fun taking pictures of each other... and well...
-
bye to all the y6 alto girls, Theo, Ethel, Xuan, Sze, thanks for all the fond memories as an alto last year , and all the best for your exams
-
bye to the other y6 tenors too i guess, Clement(dispite me half hating you at first lol, i guess after sometime it was ok), Collin, Jeremy Goh, Soon kai, Chris Ow,
-
bye to Kenneth Yeo, thanks for all you've done for the choir, and tried to bring God back to the Picture, yet... i guess time to say good bye, while I attempt to continue the ministry, with Jeremy and you gone...
-

---

while thats all over, while I went over downstairs for the reach out to UYO thingy...
and God was so real, as I cried... the same way I've seen other people cry when they were touched by God, something which I haven't done since Plunge
-
slept over for 4 hours in school before waking up to a cheese sandwich breakfast, bus to Queenstown, 2 run thrus of the NDP, this time no "XL sms" problems, while taking random pictures, and strange looks, and ...
-
before heading back, Wesley Birthday, Cao's crazy singing, BS, lunch with Tim...
"if XL sees me within 10m distance of ... ... he will slap me"
Tim hiding in a Box, and Tessa for once encoraging me to take a picture of him...
"you are not very good at hiding"
-
while, i wonder... why
-
off to church for worship prac from 3-6, resting in church from 1-2
-
while the soloist keyboardist problems still there, working with a full band, haven't done it since Koinonia, and I remember me and Tim competeing with each other that time
-
even so... as the music fades... as all these times, FOA, gone... ...
-
even so... its been 24 weeks since that week in Feb, and half a year has gone by
-

---

while TnT, DC, reminding me of the prayer meeting in 16 Feb,
-
memories... ... ...
-

Epistasis

I'll do an XL… for today
-
"You don't look like the choir, choir sort" says Gina Ong
-
"All the more that means you are a dark Horse" says Tim Lim
-
"I think Evelyn is a darker Horse" says me
-
"Personal Space invader" says Tim Lim
(HL2 Math class)

---

"You all like to backdoor me" says Tim Lim
-
(HL1 Bio class)
-
"I'm need to go for Chinese at 3pm" says Tim Lim
-
"I also need to go at 3" says John Tay
-
"I need to go for choir at 3" says me
-
"Ha ha I'm the only one who doesn't need to go at 3" says Amanda
-
"That means you are the odd one out" says me
-
While walking to the Primer Room to get briefed by J. Ng after HL1 bio class

---

"要表演了，你们要脱上衣了" says the CPAC teacher
-
"I'm getting freaked out" says Evelyn
(Combined choir/guitar/CPAC FOA Full dress rehearsal)

---

"No I'm not pissed with Ranji, I can't be bothered to waste my time on that ****" says J. Chiam

(I agree with him, Ranji is a ****)

---

While that's over and done with … … whatever … … tired beyond all measure physically emotionally, and perhaps even spiritually if I'm not careful
-

---

-
Remembering yesterday, left HL1 Bio class 40 minutes early, while Ruma was busy trying to explain Epistasis to Amanda and a few others who didn't understand the concept … …
-
Epistasis: A gene that overides another Gene when it is activated. E.g. Albinos gene
-
It doesn't matter if gene is trait 1 or 2, as long as the epistasis Gene is activated, the phenotype will override the first gene.
-
If G represents the recessive epistasis gene that overrides L, it doesn't matter if the person has L^YL^Y , L^YL^N ,L^NL^N , if he has gg, the gene L will not be expressed in the phenotype.
-
Yet I have to miss more Bio lessons tmr, having to leave at 4 (40 minutes gone =( )
and Ruma is telling me that I missed a lot ×p
-
That feeling of sadness yet, little off shoots of happiness? Hating myself for thinking… and still being trapped like that for so long?
-
Give me Your Joy Lord.
-
No one else could satisfy my Soul….Only You Lord only You
-