Broken Break

while the last of our nice NDP holiday finished,
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Cant believe I haven't done much.... except perhaps catch up with my math...
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most of the time spent emoing away...
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yet next Monday... i wonder...
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if you remember an earlier post i posted after a Friday evangelism session... i wonder, ... is it worth making an exception for once?
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I never ever got one from my friends b4... partly because i dont give them either...
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a certain post on XL's blog... caught my eye many months ago..
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nmind... I shall ask others first... i guess it wont be too big a deal...
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yet I also wonder why C.N. has this sudden urge to pass me that book, a book which apparently is so dear an precious to him?
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"officers read blogs too you know"(Tim)
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I recall him talking to ... ... ... at one in the night,on tuesday night or wednesday morning walking from the astroturf to the Primers room, while i creeped off at the same time...
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I recall that particular remark he made at the astroturf : "You sure your sole purpose is to do QT?".
He was literally chasing me back to the room
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"Emil go back and sleep all the other primers are sleeping"
"You sure all the primers?"
*pause*
".... she'll go back later.... c'mon go back"
"I want to do my QT"
"You sure your sole purpose is to do QT?"(Gives me a funny look)
"Sir....."(with the irritated inflection)
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and dispite the insistance that ** is ok... yet the sms... and now i seem to understand why its like that
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"... ... makes me think of somethings"
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and I guess for me it does the same...
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why... why why... why why why...
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why did things have to go this way?
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I'll rather still be hurt than to see you hurt... at least I know I'll get over it... at least I know I'm used to it...
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yet to the world it wouldn't make sense... according to the world I shouldn't give a damn... its your loss not mine...
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Avril Lavigne retarded songs like "Skater Boy"
"...Sorry girl but you missed out....too bad..."
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yet why do I care, why do I want to feel the same hurt?
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and this itself would make me guilty, for "openly showing my feelings for her" as you phrased it in LDC adv party night
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why didnt I think about that part at first... ... I was too busy thinking about myself that I forgot about how you'd felt...
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3 words... "I am sorry" would it make a difference?
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confusion... wishes... that God you would come and give us Your joy again, and just heal the wounds.