Embarassment

is there a necessity
to openly embarrass me
-
sighz =(
-
its not that i would like to put up a facade in front of you
-
but even being real, rather than hiding away
sighs
-
i’ll need to confront myself one day
and see how
-
but to be frank
I always felt rather... sad when ever I see ...
-
I know someone still ... for someone else
-
asking for help in math paper 3
“is it a T-test?”
-
and the other day,
Again I laugh it off
-

---

And somehow... et sometimes, still gets a bit... annoying when she insists that I leave tim alone
Everyone has their “coping mechanism”, why cant i have mine?
-
I know
but I don’t know what to do...
=/

true love

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.(Romans 12:9)
-
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.(1 Cor 13:4-7)

-

---

“haha. what can i say? you can't do anything but give it time and things will get better”
-
I guess so, either one way or the other...
-
thanks for being someone for me to rant/emo on ...
-

---

the multitude of people who can do nothing but jeer and point condescending fingers...
-
but at least amongst these, I can find a few true friends =)
-
and hopefully can be a friend in times of need...

IB...

-
Image courtesy of M.Ong
-

---

I’m currently in a self-destructive mode, dunno what possessed me to not be very nice to someone whom I really want to be nice to...
-
sighz... I’m really sorry, I really dunno what’s wrong with me
-
except every time, I want to kill myself when I see certain stuff =(
-
you wonder whether anything is possible at this rate...
-
how true is the expression:
“when there’s a will there’s a way”?
I’m sure there is a limit to how far that can stretch
-
bleah... =/

What makes aman...

What makes a Man - Westlife

-
This isn't goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn't goodbye
I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won't cry
-
Any other girl, I'd let you walk away
Any other girl, I'm sure I'd be ok
-
Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you're around
And cry when you're apart
If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know
So I can get over you
-
What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh?
That look in her eyes
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek
That force in your life
-
When you apologize, no matter who was wrong
When you get on your knees if that would bring her home
-
Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you're around
And cry when you're apart
If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know
-
So that I can get over you
-
Other girls will come along, they always do
But what's the point when all I ever want is you, tell me
-
Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you're around
And cry when you're apart
If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl you gotta let me know.....
Girl you gotta let me know.....
So I can get over you

---

another emo westlife song... lol
-
“why do I have it?”
“I had it all along anyway”
-
maybe I’m starting to understand how some people felt about trinitrotoluene...
eitherway...
-
ah well ...
=/

Trinitrotoluene and Silver

which is why, always guard your heart...
and other peoples, for that matter...
-

---

somehow, i feel, that whatever i might be doing now, its like I’m following a long long corridor
that looks like it ends up against a blank wall
-
but God is walking beside me, and He tells me...
“have Faith, Trust Me”
-
In the times of dryness , we must always remember:
F.T.
‘Faith’
‘Trust’
-

---

So this supposed dead end...
or is it some sneaky bend at the end which I cannot see?
-
I will follow where He leads me...

---

there are others walking along this ‘dead end’ road
some might call it ‘unrequited’
-
I don’t know, God is in control
so as long as we trust Him, does it matter?
-
sighz
-
You know that sometimes you need to get out of the road when you see it leads no where.
-
I wonder when my time will be... or whether God has a way out otherwise...
but clearly, running away from it isn’t going to work... the last few months testify to that...
-

---

This is foolishness and madness.
But since when was love ever logical?

When emotions defeat rationality...

if you would consider this
-
that the giving of oneself...
is something you need to think through before you do so...
-
slowly but surely
I realise
that if someone told me what i put my life into
Christ
is a lie
and proves it
-
I will surely... be devastated beyond measure
and might even not feel like going on...
-
“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast”(Heb 6:19)
-

---

so if someone told me... that I’ve wasted my time and my soul away...
or I realise as such... after all there comes a point where delusion and emotion can no longer hide reality...
-
I wonder what I would do...
-
maybe that’s why
many people tell me to be careful...
and “guard your heart... for it is the wellspring of life...”(Proverbs 4:23)
-
I might be stronger than that...
but still... I guess, everyone has their limits
-

---

the smoke,
the sweet,
the musical,
-
the game of snatch
-
"But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. "All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left. "Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' "Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.' "Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' "Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' "These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."
(Mat 25:31-46)

"math is all about practice"

so says my mum
and it seems, Amanda’s mum as well
-

---

ah well
the silence that was broken by a cheery smile and wave
-
good at least... but still...

---

ah well
I wish I could remain idealistic and all
-
but it might be time to get a bit more realistic...
but eitherway, as we go on our separate ways...
-
while the likelyhood is that we might have to part somehow, and might forget each other
I guess these are the people who are precious enough for me to want to keep in touch with:
-
Year 6s:
Tim Lim
Amanda Goh
John Tay
Daniel Chng
Petrina Cheng
Alex Lua
Kenneth Lim
Si Yan
Martin Teo
Song Yeong
Fabriz
Leemin (yeah I know I irritated the hell out of you... but haha)
Evelyn (for all our differences, and quarrels, I’ve seen the nice side of you, and I guess...)
Xunliang
Wesley Chan
-
Year 5s:
Felicia
Zhuo’er
Caleb
Jayne
Pet Liam
Sze Jet
Rodney
Levin
-
Others:
Mervyn (Y4)
John See (Y4)
Wan Feng (Y4)

Idealism

where does such an ideology lead one to?
-
to say everything works out... everything will take care of itself...
-
11 December...
-
should i just stick to what idealism tells me...
-
or be realistic, for once...
-

---

God...
Everything is so uncertain...
everything...
-
So was everything a delusion?
a ‘God delusion’, as Dawkins would put it...
-
ah well
still i will trust...
still i will know that:
...as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall My word be that goes out from My mouth;
it shall not return to Me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
(Isaiah 55:10-11)
-
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
(v9)

---

now... mug and slog
i wonder if it can make it...
-
but it would be amusing..
if i land up in the same place as Tim...

Madness

is when you completely ignore a person whom you never used to ignore before...
and it works both ways...
-
I know why already... personal space and all that... its my fault anyway,
was too insecure myself...
-
but eitherway... I wouldn’t mind talking to you again... I roughly know what you’re going through,
at least a bit of it...
and it isn’t easy...

---

is also when you act against logical reason and all that..
like going to KK when you might end up being enlisted the moment you fly back
-
and by putting one’s trust in something that seems so uncertain
-
as John Tay would put in
“you’ll be going to army, and ... will move on...”
-
But there is still the album recording,
NUS Medicine???
and a lot of other stuff
-
and if God willing... everything will work out fine...
and if not, may He still be glorified, and may I learn something from this...
-

---

I’m too idealistic sometimes
probably the effect of hanging around too much with Tim ...
-
sighs
-
Is life about rationalising and reasoning out everything?
...the foolishness of God is wiser than men’s wisdom... (1 Cor 1:25)
-
Or chasing after the emotions and intuition?
... Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life... (Pro 4:23))
-
or perhaps... discerning the will of God
“...seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...”(Matt 6:33)
that, perhaps, is the most important

Inhibitors

enzyme inhibitors have 3 kinds
-

---

Competitive Inhibitors:
- similar structure to the subtrates
- binds to active site, blocking substrate
- increasing substrate concentration decreases the effectiveness of inhibitors
-
evidently it wasn’t of that sort... increasing substrate concentration didn’t have much effect...

---

Non-Competitive inhibitors
which have 2 kinds...
-
irreversible - active site is PERMANENTLY damaged, enzyme denatured...
-
allosteric, - binds to an alternate site, changes active site conformation so it no longer binds.
however enzyme becomes activated again after the inhibitor is broken down...
-
ah well, the inhibitor has been broken down...
so its back to what it was...
dunno if that’s a bad or good thing...
-
but it certainly is painful sometimes... a grief-joy mixture...
-
how, i don’t know
but the only thing i can do is trust... that
-
“If its by Your will, let it be so...
If not, may I come out from this stronger...
and may it always glorify Your name...”

---

I know KK is a trip which always involved surrender...
-
but I must always remember this as well
-
Surrendering is not about giving up for God,
but of giving in to God
-
and that one minor amendment... will make all the difference...
I think I understand better now...
-
“Seek first His Kingdom, and His righteousness”
“And all these things will be added unto you”
-
hence the green light...
seek first Him... go in faith...
-
now... it would just be about whether NS wants me... and God is sovereign
-
hence I believe... if it is by His will, I will be able to go...

KK

hearing voices in my head...
“its all part of God’s plan...”
“its going to be another disappointment”
-
should i wait till November, or now...
-
“you enlistment date has been fixed between December 2008 to May 2009”
-
I don’t know.... ARRRGH
-
why must everything be so complicated... =(
-
green light..., convicted that God wants me to go...
-
but we shall see, yet again...

When it happens that way...

I gave up denying my emotions(the non-negative ones)
-
dunno if its a good or bad thing
-
but at least I can safely move on from the last few months... of false escapism...
-

---

simply put... I knew what the answer was at the start... even though it seemed okay...
“My ways are higher than your ways, My thoughts higher than yours”
i.e. “its not what you think it might be , I’ve got a better plan”
-
which was why I didn’t throw myself into it... and didn’t invest much...
but I just worry that... compromises be made... wrong choices...
land up with more screwed up friendships...
or screw up the walk with God...
-
but I’m not sure about last years impressions
-

---

I remember wondering whether I wasted my life last year mulling over stuff
just because I had a bit of temporal happiness, which I knew God would probably take away in the end...
-
we shall see how God leads the next few weeks, months, years...
-
I remember Azmi talking to me... praying for me
I realise... he probably had to give up so much more than most...
“but its all worth it...”
-
am i trusting in a fabricated impression
or God’s leading?
-
I wonder
-

---

and Brandy still looks sad as ever... :

my teddy is never happy unfortunately...
-
ah, we can both emo together, so fun isnt it...
-
(yes, I have been reading other people’s blogs and am highly amused by the utter randomness of Feli’s recent posts, lol )

Liberties

taking liberties with certain privileges ...
-
i dunno why...
-
but it seems that while people can take liberties in emoing and feeling sad about stuff
cookies and stuff
just because i asked a innocent question
-
it was really not fair
it didn’t have to be that way... just because of protecting someone, hiding objects,
-

---

i never had such privileges...
-
“why?...”
“you’re stronger than him”
-

---

I see things right before my very eyes...
but i don’t show reaction to that
-
mention a taboo
boom...
-
I realising a need to just go out, and scream and yell, run till the endorphins are released...
I don’t need punch my knuckles till they bleed
-
I don’t know if you’re doing it intentionally...
but i find it impossible to do any subjects other than brainless ones (Bio/Geog) when you are around...
-

---

double standards
-
it doesn’t matter if rules are broken to achieve your purpose
but the moment i get into trouble... no one stands up for me
-
it matters if i made someone upset by asking an innocent question
but it doesn’t matter if you yell certain names to my ear..., do stupid things, hear blatant references,
-
its even shocking for me to joke about showing ladybirds and tissue paper
but its normal to see everything, every silly thing right in front of my face
-

---

memorising/knowing the bible in one thing
having faith is another
-
being able to logify, dissect and argue apologetics is one thing
trusting in God is another
-

---

I expected it anyway
because i knew from the start what the answer was...
which was why i never bothered to invest too much into it...
that’s why i can just drop the form
-
activity evaluation...
-

---

I still remember what God told me... or what I thought God told me last year...
so I shall... wait and believe He’ll make everything well in the end...
-
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Ps 46:1)
and He will make all things beautiful in His time(Ecc 3:11)...
-

stay...

I’m trying very hard NOT to slip into emoland... it not healthy to emo
-
looking in the past
-
“have faith =), stay close to God and keep smiling !”
-
“well don't let those things hinder you okay?
press on!
=D”
-

---

there is always a reason to keep smiling, with the quiet and confident assurance that God will take care of everything in the end
-
and so I will...
-
I told lua i gave up emoing long ago, and wonder why someone hasn’t yet even after so many months
-
and it is worth it , to not worry about stuff...(although now and then it tries to hit me again, and I again slip... )
-
have faith, trust in God... and He surely will take care.
-

---

so far i seen a few emo blogs (in my personal watchlist anyway...)
-
its easy to ask a Christian to trust in God
-
but what do you tell a non-believer?
-
sighz

chemical taboo

remediate
-
apparently, another time again
-
Emil shall learn to treasure the time he has and not procrastinate in the future... eitherway what’s not done is not done... let it be
-
“God will make a way“
-

---

testing the waters
mentioning a taboo
-
was it intentional? I feel a little guilty...
-
I dunno
jealousy isn’t a nice emotion, that’s all i can say
-
but at least I more or less can confirm something...
-

---

I see the spot around a circle
-
the extension of me is effective though...

---

Jayne Chiang learning WOC from Zhan Feng was really amusing though
I will make sure to turn up for assembly when it happens =p
-
will upload some videos on Fb soon muhahaha =p
-
will also probably try to resolve stuff if the opportunity arises...

=(

Session Start: Sunday, 12 October, 2008

(11:51 PM) £ٱɱعαɗe:	hmm sighs i've to go sch myself tmr though
(11:52 PM) £ٱɱعαɗe:	dunno if i shd bother to wake up ealier and go fireac
(11:52 PM) LimClaNstruMMeR:	well it's relaly up to you
(12:01 AM) £ٱɱعαɗe:	=( k lor..

---

i’m shutting my self away from everything...
evidently
I hardly talked to anyone over msn this 2 months
-
everything is so painful ...
everything i see at least
-
why?
-
I thought everything would be fine in the end
but I’m not sure now...

and one more...

I don’t want to be sad
-
I don’t want to be confused
-
its not worth it
-
but jealousy isn’t a nice emotion to have...
-
it is not Godly
-

---

no was the answer
and no is the implied answer
-
but some messages don’t make sense
neither does nuts and fruits

neither does correction
neither does blockage
-
neither does glances
neither does silent appraisal
-
neither does exclusion
neither does burial

---

fairly minor amendments
nothing is certain...
-
except I want the reverse reaction to stop
neither here nor there
this sucks =(
-
God give me discipline and strength...

Frames

exclusion is so obvious
-
EE
-
perhaps...
-
“Sn-1 is the unbiased estimator for the population variance”(HL Math Statistics)
“stop stop stop...”(Paddy Clarke)
-

---

For memory sakes
I used to take many frames of life...
Photos of the past
Of laughter and strife
-
Yet being the photographer
I seem to have vanished
Only to see others
-
Unpersoning me isn’t that difficult
I was never there because I’m never seen
You don't see my face...
Therefore I'm never in that place...
-
I never was a part of it
That’s why I have no part of it
After all the hundreds of photos of the BB
Almost none have me
-

---

LAMP of the world indeed
I miss those times
It didn’t need frames to contain it
It was always there to find
-
Shut me off from your mind
There’s nothing for you to find
A hello here, and a bye there
Nothing to hear, of how you fare

---

Because I ask why?
And I don’t know anymore...
-
but grats to tim and azmi for being there for me...

who am I?

I don’t even know anymore
-
been stuck on so many facades and things
-
that i don’t even know who i am anymore
-

---

I never said anything?
I never did anything?
so it is my fault?
-
I feel so let down
like why do things end up like this
it’s been one month...
-
I know... and I knew...
that there was porbably nothing to begin with
I just wanted to get away from something else
-

---

looking through the first 2 terms
I don’t even know what’s real and what not
whether it was all a sham
-
but I knew those were happy times
a brief interlude from all the emoing of last year
a breather at least
-
a few sorrows inside
but at least they were fine
and i didn’t have too many stuff on my mind
-
I missed those times...
when everything was fine
FireAC chronicles... of what we did and everything
-
working with all of you’ll
but everything fell apart in the end
and maybe its too late to mend
-
But God who gives...
and God who takes away...
blessed be His name...

---

-
don’t emo.... i cant afford to
a facade of looking fine and dandy in the eyes of everyone else
but it’s the inside and not the outside that matters
-
and I cant afford to let other people dictate how i feel
I cant afford to waste my feelings on other people
I need to do well in this last lap...
-
I said sorry before...
and so... do I know who I am?
and... do you know who I am?
-
and you know who you are... =(
-

"That's why I said I'm not sure..."

according to Mdm Yong’s / one of my classmate’s logic
-
having issues with relationships (the mushy sort), break-ups, emoing etc, are an excuse to do flunk exams
-
according to this logic...
-
1. My friend either must had have a heart of iron, or some inhuman capability to still be able to top the level, get 7 points for everything except some random retarded subject about monetary assets(which I don’t take, thankfully, Geog FTW).

2. I should have failed everything too... after all, something strange happened ONE WEEK before prelims.

3. I should have failed and retained last year... wouldn’t that be a good thing?

---

so much for listing down all the people she knew ‘at-risk’ (aka involved in some r/s). and making some weird guesses as well
-
I laughed, probably too loudly... I think I also irritated a fair bit... sorry then...
-
I don’t even know who I am anymore... like some monster who seems not to care about anything at all...
-
even though I gave up stuff on the basis that its all for the best and all, and it doesn’t mean I start hating people
-
and I don’t hate... its just that... well...
-
I’m very sick of denying my emotions... its fatiguing.
-

---

the alternative to a denial is a switch...
but it also does not make sense... its like induced dipole movements, delta positive / negative depending on the neighbouring charge
-
so you get very weak Van Da Waals dispersion forces after that...
There is no permanent dipole... that’s why...

---

They say a bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bush.(aka to be contented)
-
problem is i don’t think i have anything... tangible at least
-
God is everything and everywhere.... but, just not tangible sometimes =(
it takes a lot of faith to believe that even in the dry dessert He is there.
-
everything is fairly ambiguous, I must say...
-
“That’s why I said I’m not sure...”

Psalms 37

On another note (NRSV):

1 Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers,
2 for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb.
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will make your vindication shine like the light, and the justice of your cause like the noonday.
7 Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices.
8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.
10 Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look diligently for their place, they will not be there.
11 But the meek shall inherit the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous, and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows to bring down the poor and needy, to kill those who walk uprightly;
15 their sword shall enter their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.
16 Better is a little that the righteous person has than the abundance of many wicked.
17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous.
18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will abide forever;
19 they are not put to shame in evil times, in the days of famine they have abundance.
20 But the wicked perish, and the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures; they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
21 The wicked borrow, and do not pay back, but the righteous are generous and keep giving;
22 for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land, but those cursed by him shall be cut off. 
23 Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way;
24 though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand.
25 I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
26 They are ever giving liberally and lending, and their children become a blessing.
27 Depart from evil, and do good; so you shall abide forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice; he will not forsake his faithful ones. The righteous shall be kept safe forever, but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
29 The righteous shall inherit the land, and live in it forever.
30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak justice.
31 The law of their God is in their hearts; their steps do not slip.
32 The wicked watch for the righteous, and seek to kill them.
33 The Lord will not abandon them to their power, or let them be condemned when they are brought to trial.
34 Wait for the Lord, and keep to his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on the destruction of the wicked.
35 I have seen the wicked oppressing, and towering like a cedar of Lebanon.
36 Again I passed by, and they were no more; though I sought them, they could not be found.
37 Mark the blameless, and behold the upright, for there is posterity for the peaceable.
38 But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed; the posterity of the wicked shall be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their refuge in the time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and rescues them; he rescues them from the wicked, and saves them, because they take refuge in him.

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Verse 4 is sometime taken out from its context by the people wishing to promote a ‘good life’ gospel.
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but looking at the context of the whole psalm:

1. The carnal men often seem to lead life more ‘abundant’ and ‘happy’ in the eyes of the world(tangible) compared to the righteous, who often have very much less in a tangible sense(v16)

2. But these temporal happiness will fade away,(v36) but God will remain faithful to His people who wait for Him(v 28)

3. There is a call for us to lead lives that follow and wait upon the Lord, and trust in Him, even when life just seems so unfair

Onions

some people are like onions, they look hard and dry on the outside, apparently impervious to everything else
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but slowly peel them , and you see many layers, softer and moister, contrasted to the dry outer skin
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and each layer exposes more vulnerabilities and insecurities of the person
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and peeling will make you cry...
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Emil seems to have become enveloped in so many facades, that he forgets what the apex shoot looks like already...
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Maybe, just bury the onion for a while, after all, the apex shoot will grow spring a new after a few weeks...
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don’t try to ply open the layers, it make us both sadder
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Faith is not a Fallacy

In these times, the world puts the tangible, what can be seen and felt, above all things
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And faith, the intangible, is seen as unimportant, as flawed logic

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But faith is worth it
Because God is faithful... in all things and circumstances, and He will take care.
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In times of uncertainty and confusion, faith in God, is what gives us peace and comfort,

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I’ve always had a certain wariness of certain teachings, especially with regard to the prosperity and ‘good life’ teachings that tell us that God will give us a good life...
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It places too much emphasis on the tangible, earthly wealth that rots away...
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but the emphasis it puts on faith... believing that God will provide... trusting in Him...
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In the balanced view of it, God wants us to trust in Him and have faith in Him.
While He does not necessarily promise us a ‘good life’ as defined by the world(Heb 11),
But He ultimately will “make things beautiful in its own time” (Ecc 3:11).
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It takes faith to believe that God is more important than anything else in the world.
but not everyone will share the same view, and it simply appears as foolishness
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Simply because the promises of God, of eternal life, of salvation, in the eyes of carnal men is simply not tangible.
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Sickness, and still serving God to the best of ones ability
or perhaps, offering thanksgiving even through times of grief.
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To the world, its just one big fallacy.
but I will still trust Him...

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I wish I knew what you’re going through...
but I guess God knows and He will take care...

tessellations

you know, the strange things we were taught in primary school, geometry that all fit together seamlessly
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i wonder how everything fits...

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wondering round school before Bs, ran into Sze Jet mugging math
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and apparently the taxonomy KPCOFGS joke got transmitted down to their level
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bible funds
and stuff
dunno why I cant use my allowance as and when i wish....
zzz
and my mum blows up literally...
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needless to say after that my second sis talked to me, and as usual the debate about catholic and Protestant church come in

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jealousy is a very strange emotion...
it doesn’t make sense
neither does some repressed emotions
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i remember stuff along the lines of a retreat last year
down back to reality

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I don’t see the fit... i really don’t
why can’t life be less complicated...

Thanksgiving

SL EA1 : 5
SL Geog : 6
HL Chem : 5
HL Math : 4
HL Bio : 6

total 33(incl. ChB 7 point)

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33/42... hmm
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a fair bit of hard word to be put in esp. in HL Math
but I couldn’t have done it without His grace...
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another 1 more month
and 1 more week
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and maybe 2 more times
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sighz, i wonder... how everything will be in the end...

Sorrows

it comes to this, a culmination of emotions and thoughts that one has tried to stave off for the past weeks or so...
as if the acetylcholine receptor blockers have been broken down, finally hitting one with reality
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it just occurred, with a deep sorrow, about compromises everyone will make, about the vast number of people I know who will compromise and slowly fall away, because the ground, the foundation, was not built upon solid rock but sand...
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Compromises can take form in so many ways, from resolutions not lie, drink or sin in anyway, these can slowly break down, moral values, under face of the pressures around, after we leave a protected environment.
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it can even be in the relationships we have..., “do not be yoked with unbelievers”, I’ve see it slowly happening in my friend, while intentions maybe good perhaps, to bring a friend to Christ, but it can only end as compromise... slowly with the time we have with God, and beyond...
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and even now, a compromise of not being an effective ministry for God, because one is plagued with the personal problems of our own.

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and I ponder again, over the broken remains that i see behind
and I still don’t know... it hurts a lot, maybe not as much as Feb last year, or Jan this year... but still...
I don’t know why the sudden distancing and change... I don’t understand... friendship is about trust right?
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And even the repairs i made in the meantime before are slowly crumbling, le chateler’s principal is not working properly, shouldn’t removing the product cause a shift to the forward reaction and not the back?
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Confusion all over... they say only God can give peace... and I guess they’re right
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Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart(Psalms 37:4)