Sine rule

y= A sin (E θ) + G
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in some sense, life could be like this graph, the highs are always followed by lows like the sine curve
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yet these few days, it would seem as if A is increasing, causing the ampitude of the graph to increase, the highs are higher yet the lows get lower...
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and even as E decides to increase, the frequency of the highs and lows also increases, the highs no longer last so long, neither do the lows....
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Yet more importantly, G has to increase... when G increases the whole graph shifts up, G gives a Joy that last...
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toxins are removed by the smooth endoplastic reticulum
drugs are also removed by the smooth endoplastic reticulum, as the person consumes drugs, he develops a tolerance for it as more ER forms to remove it...
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I guess... while having to be able to manage the toxin, yet i dunno...
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i wish there was recouncilation, did i hurt anyone ?
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even as exams draw close , 1 more day, yet Lord, give me the strenght...
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friday...
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"lucy are you suffering from brain damage yet?"(ET points at me)
* dont be so mean... please
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going outside to make a 30 minute phone call...
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yet
=) after that... little things that do make me happy,
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"Anti stress hug"(eve)
(2 of them hugging lucy lol)
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and no thanks, i dont want to follow you 3 to the girls toilet =P
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yet I made a prediction,
by tmr it would be a low...
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Saturday
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I guess... the end of the day, charles didnt exactly rub in his points nicely, I wasn't feeling very happy before going to church..
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I didn't have any reason at all to feel down... yet... the sine rule....
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I dunno...
"thats life"
maybe... but God is enough... no matter what i wont be cynical...
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For as Long as I shall live, I'll testify to His Love...

Banana peel

smooth , slippery, yellow. smells like an organic chem experiment mixing vinegar with ethanol ( estherfication).
you find it used extensively in the old school tom and jerry, in road runner, in any cartoon. they plant it there to make someone slip and fall...
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yet bananas, aren't too bad, just don't leave the peel lying around... and you cant eat the banana until the peel is off..
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and you peel a banana by breaking off the stem first...
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today
PSG was selling "healthy food"
and the Sac was full of people munching on bananas... the table on the left the table on the right...
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"c'mon lah at least its not a drink"(tim)
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and Tim & Tessa decide to have fun with them.... lol
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peel a banana and shove it whole into the mouth without chewing...
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and we join in the fun, the table with the 4 of us ... Tim Tessa, Amanda Chua, and me
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the only person who managed it was Tessa lol, a picture below

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the problem is when you look at the other people laughing at you.. you start laughing, and a banana-smoothie-like slush comes out.
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lol...

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i guess... somehow... and I wonder...
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BT resistant corn against the corn borer
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the corn borer cant eat the corn leaves or it gets poisoned by the BT toxin
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*edit... ok I'll protect your identity more
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haha the "poked" looking through my picasa, and seeing a picture that was all black in color(due to absence of light)
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"lol is that T****"
haha... luckily she wasn't around , or there would be thunder... 

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yet these few days are better, I guess... happier, yet, big issues, and wondering... i know.. but..i dunno...
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I guess continue to trust God.. and persevere =)
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3 Milo Pengs, Campbell, Chicken Rice & Cutlet

I wish aliens would shut up, they are really vicious and spiteful...
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"Love your Neighbor"

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oh well, sighz
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A big issue...
i wonder, i know, I understand, and yet i can't do much, half of me wishes you were fine, yet the other half...
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A sensitive issue?
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I don't really need to post much about today, i guess,
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Russell see, nice Clocks all over my comp desktop( wallpaper is one of the photobooth pics)
and labels like "emil right eye""Lee Min's mouth" "fat mouth"?
joker sia...
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Cutlet at Dover road coffee shop(not wah chee) shared with Tim, did bring back memories, bitter-sweet to say anything...
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walking there...
Amanda Chua points to the full moon, comments about mid-autumn Festival
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"Tessa have you seen the moon before?"(me)
"of course I have"(TK )
Daniel Chng was laughing... haha, i guess... I wish the world would just be cheerful and happy...
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yet a evil dark comment before lunch that sapped my appetite,
*if you understood the implications of the comment you made, I think you are seriously EVIL, that was pure venom.*
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but ha ha, Fabriz "black face" comment , you should learn how to be less mimosa-like, or you'll be alienated...
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and I got my appetite back later, back to the room ... ... ... ha ha, ate cheezels first, before, off to benches, and eating the uneaten chicken rice...
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"that book isn't mine you know..."(Tim with a stupid grin on his face)
"Tim you have a SICK sense of humor" (me)
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oh well,

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yesterday, even as i shared about the greatest commandment
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I wonder, does God prescribe based on need? I needed the encouragement before sharing...
=) , i guess... i dunno... thanks anyway.
I guess, it doesn't really mean anything much, but I still appreciate it...
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Bacillius thangaraj thuringiensis toxin or BT toxin
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even darker more bitter poison... applied later, and followed by a severe scolding by CN, (due to a rather irrational me being quite rude to him).
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Corn Borer...
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hmm

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I guess I'll just have to continue to trust You Lord, even through the exam period coming up... I barely finished studying, but, I guess, by His Grace, I will finish this race.( lol alliteration assonance(EA1 is screwing my head))
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and Wordpress is slowly tempting me... I dunno if its worth sacrificing Blogger's custom HTML for Wordpress clean layout, password protected posts and other features
well I'll see...

安静

安静
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只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
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我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得
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你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开
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你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你
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CHKROK, hmm looks like I didn't get in(no news so far hence i assume that)
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nmind... thought I'll post the song either way
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It seems hard... and is painful but... i always wonder, whatever I heard, whatever I seen, "revelation" as a way of knowing... (ToK presentation today, apparently that was a Way of knowing I should have mentioned.) , or was it merely emotion, just speculations from myself
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... nightmares of June, living in nightmares...
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and no longer the person i knew last year, I don't know you anymore...
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为什么还要我用微笑来带过?
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yet the annoying part, "don't give up, trust Me?"
or maybe that would just be emotions... somehow, Lord, I feel that its like trying to create false voices?
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"My sheep hear and know My voice.."
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maybe, my prayer, is that you'll love Him with all your heart,hate the things that God hates, and walk closely with Him, and never stray... and I'll know there'll be an eternity waiting there in the end... I mean what is 40-60 years of life compared to an eternity in heaven?
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and i did pray for you that night during the retreat...
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the 2 greatest commandments:
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Love the Lord wholeheartedly(paraphrased)
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Love your Neighbor as yourself
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Eve please... i wish you would cut it out... "poisonous toadstools don't change their spots"
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who is the one being poisonous?
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I mean even for Seb Yap, I'm trying to be nice to him, even after he got me into serious trouble last year...
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"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments"
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and I see another guy, wearing pink frames, looking really emo (at least i cover up with hyperness haha)
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it is not worth suicide... even if the heart gets broken into a million bits
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there is a God who loves, and He specialises at mending broken hearts =)
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I guess, smile more, there are other things worth living for ... especially God
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In the midst of the storm through the wind and the waves...
when the stars refuse to shine, and time is no more...
You still be faithful oh Lord
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am I a crazy eccentric nutter in the sight of others?
yet that isn't really me entirely... its just a facade, i may have my idiosyncrasies, but... I guess...

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you should realise by now what the colour codes mean
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hence a new label: Orange-purple (Wesley doesn't have to "tag: emo God heh heh" me again...)

Breaking Ground

you cant build up something over a unsuitable foundation,
so that has to go, you break up the ground to put a new one
yet even as the first bricks were laid before , even those, they have to go.
and no matter how you look at it, ground breaking, has a certain form of happy sadness in it, that the old has to go, and yet a new is coming...
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yet Jesus did His ground breaking for us, broke up the old sinful man, and gave it something new.
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and even as you break up, perhaps, the soil isnt too stable yet, perhaps you wait for it to fallow,lay down a new foundation, and start afresh...
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or maybe we could simply work on the old foundation, need it go away? investment of the first few bricks, yet the structure seems unstable, ground breaking seems hard to accept, that a part has to go away...
or maybe, we just take back the bricks, break the ground, and put them back in...
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Tuesday:
"I dont like this classroom(B3-01) i have my math class in it"(me)
" well you can have happy memories of Bio in it"(Ruma)
right... bio, i guess... ... well ...
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and Charles in the primers Room, 'neth, chng... ToK presentation prep and more...
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dont irritated me.... yet why am i so easily irritated now?
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Wednesday:
chem class, group practical
"maybe Emil's reading is wrong"(Maye)
*wow, i suppose its more likely my reading is screwed up rather than yours? even if the WHOLE class got appoximately the same reading of 80.8 cm cube for 14 mins, yet the anormally applies to mine instead*
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after school CHKLOK audi, hananaz, JS, and can people who cannot sing keep quiet alone , dont screw it up?
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before that:
"is the primers room open?"
" yah i just opened it"
*gives a scandalous look*
"... ... ... is inside.... heh heh"
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whatever wesley...
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and i guess back to room later, math seems to be a bit more intereresting then usual? lol
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i guess... Jonas giving tuition to lua, petrina and amanda, and i guess i joined in, maybe to make up for the missed math remedial?
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*dont give lame excuses*
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nmind... at least some work done is better than no work done...
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haha...oh well
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and please be more careful with your stuff... ... haha
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i guess that day ended off pretty well, was feeling quite happy at the end, went home and slept till 3 am
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then Grp 4 project
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Today:
i guess, a mid-low mood, + falling sick i think...
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`you cannot have a conversation with someone unless the person is willing to talk back...
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and the idea of that which you said, you think its likely that after so long, i wouldn't know what a normal expression is?
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i guess... i posted before on things that made me happy, go look for the post if you want...
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item 1: a bit bad , walk with God is a bit dry
item 2: see `above
item 3: a little now and then yet, without item 1 , you feel guilty, God should be at least, the main source to feel happy,and i guess... not all the time....
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Collide:
... I've found I'm scared to think I'm always on your mind...
... even the best fall down sometime...
.... You and I collide...
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I wonder...
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"dont destroy yourself"(tim)
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I wonder... Lord, but:
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For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.(Jer 29:11-12)

East to West

admittedly though the nick name dueling has stopped... yet i guess... still the same rubbish... looking at specific ppl and their stuff, like XL months ago...
still remember:
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"now playing: Free - Delirious"
"now playing: Song of Freedom - Hillsong"
"now playing: Free - United"
over and over again
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"now playing: Everlasting God(New!) - Lincoln Brewster"
"now playing: Collide"
"now playing: East to West - Casting Crowns"
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Casting crowns... the altar and the door, koped the tracks off daniel chng (as i believe a lot of ppl have done)
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so East to West
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Here I am Lord,
And I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind,
Keeps me awake tonight
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I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before you now as,
As though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
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Jesus can you show me
Just how far the east is from the west
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest,
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other.
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I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again your truth is drowned out
By the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
From you leaving me this way
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Jesus can you show me,
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know
Just how far the East is form the West
From one scarred hand to the other.
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I know you've washed me white,
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
To get me through this night
Can’t live by what I feel
But by the Truth your work reveals,
I'm not holding on to you
But you're holding on to me,
You’re holding on to me
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Jesus you know
Just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been,
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know just how far the East is form the West,
From one scarred hand to the other.
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Just how far
The east is from the west

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just how far the east is from the west?
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i guess the struggle, to Love God FIRST not other things or people for that matter... aand I guess not sin and dishonor God
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" if you love Me, you will obey My commandments"
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I dont want to go back as before, yet...
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I guess, too reliant on people to give me the happiness for the day

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God wants me to love Him and rely on Him first, and only he can give JOY , JOY that LASTS, not just momentary fleets of europhia
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I guess I'm not ready if I cant love God first, wholeheartedly... I guess, maybe...
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ok
today, admittedly was a really sucky day, I guess did the reverse of what i was doing before, taking nice long routes to avoid, but
i guess...it was really painful
but... i dunno
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still thank You Lord... , I guess even in the pain and sadness
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There is Joy.... Your Joy,
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I know I am loved by the King
and it makes my heart want to sing
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yet i guess, I won't do that again, there really isnt a point
--
yet once ATP's been spent, you get ADP which lingers on
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yet I wish I could build a good friendship, to someone,... i guess,even if there are emotional aspects to it, but I guess, Love God first... until then...
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and I wish... but Lord guide my life , and lead me all the way
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and i know You love me more than i ever could love anyone else, and i want to love You back, with all my heart
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help me to Love the way You want Lord

One by One

studying the little concepts of bio, the ones that had plagued me in Mid years have come back

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So what do we have?
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Glycolysis:
the splitting of glucose into 2 molecues of pyruvate, which results to in the formation of 2 molecues of ATP via substrate level phosphorlisation. Glycolysis in volves an energy investment phase , where 2 P atoms is attached from 2 molecues of ATP, before 4 molecues of ATP are formed in the energy pay off phase.
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Yet one wonders, is it ever possible that the energy pay off phase never comes off, the investment is made, yet a rogue 1 3 phophoglyceraldehide refuses to allow the enzyme to perform the substrate level phosphorlisation?
and you cant even take back the 2 ATPs you spent
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Photorespiration:
A metabolic pathway in the calvin cycle that wastes ATP and NADPH and produces no sugar. it occurs due to oxygen's affinity to the Rubulose Biphosphate being higher than that of Carbon dioxide , and it enters the calvin cycle .
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I wonder, how would investing NADPH and ATP on oxygen in the cycle, does the cycle go on as oxygen is abundant, does the cycle repeat itself, until you've found the perfect 3 carbon dioxide molecues to change into the pyruvate molecue? and you've found that you wasted so much ATP and NADH on oxygen molecues that dont give you the pyruvate you want.
or maybe, its just that there isnt enough ATP and NADPH for the calvin cycle to take place yet, at night, where the light reactions stop, and the CAM plants get the carbon dioxide to store as malic acid, for use in the day...

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beyond Biology, lets look at other stuff:
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the tiny pink tablet known as ventolin, sabutomol and a variety of other names.
the tablet that stops breathlessness for the asmatic suffers.
yet the tablet so easily dropped and lost, due to its small size , and you cant find it.
the tablet also has a groove in the middle, you could break it into half for a half dosage, which although the time duration of effectiveness decreases, you are less likely to get the side-effects,
the the side effects? and overdose would result in palputations and trembling

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and the code shall stop here. unfortunately unlike tim, i dont have the luxury of vegetables as codes, since the code names, like chekov and zulu, are known by close friends
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Friday- FireAC
There is None like You
how i wonder,is it ever possible to cry while leading worship? yet Tim hasnt had that happened to me, and neither have I...
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SL3- English ( waste of time, Jean Luah's gone)
SL1 Geog, Banana, and dao?
Recess, (whats in a instantance =) =(? yet, i wonder?)
Chemistry- Rain , yay
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Outreach
lol Emily ... erm... nice ...
it might be amusing yet , go and evangelise as a pair?, the other time by lots we kanna, but ...
like erm , whats your name?
"I'm Emil and she's Emily" like what the bong...
phew Min kyeong saved me :)
but i dunno... I mean like... JP and his stupid theories
"it will be quite cool if..."
no it will be LAME.... =P
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are guys supposedly as dumb as they say?
yet reading too much isnt too good either... overreading is bad for your eyes,... erm no, I mean emotions, I learnt that from experience
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walk back with tim
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Econs tuition... is it that tiring that it can reduce someone to a state?
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I dunno... I don't get it...

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Today(saturday)
BS - Later mugging and econs tuiton by charles(not to me though, i dont take econs)
nmind
biology haha
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but in the BS itself
"those are the worst pickup lines I ever heard"(steven)
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Marshmallow blasts, haha tim doesn't take chocloate
hey... russell never gives me sweets :( and i gave him so much last year ...
ok fine
maybe I've been a bad mentor this year...
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and one by one they left, then chng, then me
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leaving 3 ppl , E.T., Petrina and Amanda engrossed over math
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To church
Fixing the 1M comp, like seriously, am I the only person in this whole world that knows how to use a computer?
and beyond that, the empty darkness of the santuary
and no, not the terrible sadness and emoness...
why?
yet it was similar to LDC Adv. party, it was just me, and in front, but this time, not the moon, but the cross.
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and I guess, demonlogy can wait, talking to Glynn, and he shared his personal experiences. I guess, it was kinda okay... i need an outlet I guess, if its not Tim its Glynn... his viewpoint as someone 9 years my senior, I guess would be more mature..
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"Love is never rational"
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I don't get God's love, how can He love all of us so unconditionally?
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and Seb Yap again pestering me on MSN, I dunno, I'm already itching to block him yet, "Love Your Neighbor" , yet God can love him, why can't I?
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how?
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"My Grace is enough"
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I wanted to write this a week time ago
what value is there in a present?
Is it in the monetary value alone?
or is it in the sacrifice there is to it... whether it be a roti prata diet, or dragging a tired aching body to buy it...
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how about God's Gift to us
what value is in it?
is it in the redemption alone
or is it in the sacrifice? the very act of coming down in His Son to die,
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"it would be absolutely barbaric if God got another man to die on the cross"(charles)

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and as Tim commented "hey, do you know thats an Enya Song" for the last post
and I shall say that I'm not ignorant of that, I do listen to Enya
maybe... the last post was a song without words(ok not the stupid SYF piece)
this has words,...
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and a song composed in the room
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-=To You My Lord & King(Hallelujah)=-
(Psalms 138)
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Verse 1
I will praise You oh Lord
With all my heart and all my soulI will sing of Your loveFor all the days of my life-Verse 2For You are faithful oh GodYou're exalted above all, Your name, Your wordWhen I called You were thereYou heard and answered my prayer-PrechorusThrough You are high and exalted above all , Yet You give grace to the meek and humble-ChorusYou derserve all honor and gloryHallelujah to the Lord of heavenTo You my life I will offerI will praise you before all men-For Your work on the CrossHallelujah You have bought my lifeNow I know that nothing on earth
Shall seperate me from Your Love-Verse 3In the midst of the stormYou will shelter me and guard meYour Love indeed oh LordWill endure forever and ever-(Chorus)-BridgeHallelujah to the Lord of earth and the Lord of heavenHallelujah to You my Lord and my King-(Chorus)-(Bridge)

A day without rain

literarally no rain
yet more than that...

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the lonely bridge again, the hot sun...(I gave up the Koi bench, too many ppl walk pass there

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the thing that happens would be start a day badly and it tends to be bad...
maybe Tim shdnt have talked to me, maybe... esp just before I was giving a message about encoragment, about drawing stregnth from Him
-
I didnt think too much about it till after assembly, 120min chinese lesson is too long, too long, and what with tangjie , sort of pressuring me to join CKROK ?
why didnt i put up much of a fight?
-
"guys tend to act weird around ... ... they like"(tim)
-
and I guess the next lesson was Bio, why did I act so weird... why?
and I think you dont like it either, the you can refer to more than 1 person,
E.T. probally hates me becuase of that
-
on a aside:
wesley:"hey i still read your blog"
before out of nowhere:
"hey! now I know who E.T. is... Evelyn Thungaraj...!"
"you are SLOW"(me)
-
utterly depressed? i dunno, it didn't help much after PE, the head turn dao (HTD)( i got to think of some weird acrymn so i can refer to it in a futher post, I need to codify my posts a bit more)
-
luckily, chiam wasnt doing much in chem, most of it was free 1hour 40, talking to Tim, sitting down in the middle of the bridge gething scorched by the sun.
-
"you need to be yourself"(tim)
-
and i guess decided to stop being emo, whats the point anyway?
-
and i guess before math =) agian, thanks,
I supposed i shd just be myself, and not try to be funny or something, as tim says "replusive"
-
finally stopped the nickname dueling, but even so, ...
-
and i shdnt think too much...
-

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outreach, and =) again i guess, and me with John tay talking
-
and i saw russell , junyu, and a blue orange ACS jacket clad..., at a distance, from the boarding school, walking to the bus stop.
i dunno i was a little distracted, luckily John tay was doing most of the talking so i really was just standing there, i guess , adding little bits here and there,
-
the last time i spoke during outreach together with Emily(lol) I was doing most of the conversations, i guess it depends, john tay can speak better than me
-
and the detention guy, I guess a slight reminder of last year, stuck outside the office
-
while John tay was going on about Sin and stuff
-
yet there is one thing we need to know, not to be too trapped in that mindset, convict people of their sin if , and only if (<=> lol gina ongs class) they dont know, or are blind to it
-
I guess I would call it the "naughty cycle" trap(geog porvety cycle lol)
once you are labeled as "naughty", it ios hard to break out, as in i was never labeled as such until sec3 and i guess that was why my sec3/4 were bad experiecnes with the teachers
-
but one think i added which is of utmost importance
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"My grace is sufficient for you , My power made perfect in weakness"
-
I think that guy needs more of an encoragment, and i guess, and I hope I gave it
-

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whats there in the meaning of a name?
yesterday while walking along with Tim, Tessa and Amanda C, topic about
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Timothy--> encoragment
Emil--> hardworking( irony )
Amanda--> (beloved)
Tessa???(asset backwards??? lol)
-
I knew that for quite sometime already, the meaning of names, i guess , during 1 of those geog classes, and i saw a tag attached to a pencil case, near a pile of orange rubber shavings ... ... ...
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and the bus ride back with Steven, Daniel Chng, Amanda C and Tessa
-
and we saw ACJC ppl, Kester,
and Tessa finds another ACJC friend (apparently called Amanda also... apparently that name is too common liao)
-
and steven goes on to a animated conversation with kester... about a lot of things...
-
and somehow , talking about things like ppl with relationships, scandals? and what ever rubbish.(unwholesome language and talk in other words)
-
and somehow XL's name got dragged up
-
Kester:" XL leh"
Steven:" ah! that one ar, no more, Charles Ng force them to break up"
*steven please get your facts right before making comments like that*
-
i was a little put off by that, wish there was more wholesome topics to brooch upon
-
I sort of told Steven, i dunno, i wasn't exactly ... i dunno how to say it, maybe a bit sad? I mean that was one issue I've always wondered why? yet i never dared to ask XL... (yes if whoevers is reading is not comfortable about this, I'm sorry, I dunno, ..., I'm the kind of person who doesnt like keeping thoughts and emotions bottled up.)
-
"XL was very sad about it"
-
"huh! why she break up? i thought she........"
-
*I dont know the answer, how am i supposed to know?*
-
I guess we go around criticising the schoola and teachers,( i mean if i want a decent conversation with steven thats all we can talk about)
-
but i wonder.. could there be a better thing to talk about?
-
i managed to ask him about church a bit a guess , glad he found a church...
-

---

help me to glorify You in what I do
i dunno , i dont want to put on facades,
I want to be who I am
" you need to be the person that God meant you to be, then only can God work though you"(Matt last year in church youth camp)
-
and i guess, lol seb yap unblocked me om MSN and talked to me
-
and I dunno, I mean without Marcus Ong's influence he is better, yet... there is still a certain sense of repulsion towards him...
yet
" love the people I Love, I want you to learn that first"
-
it isnt too easy sometimes
-
"My grace is sufficient for you , My power made perfect in weakness"

Ferrous paradox

what's in a beautiful irony?
-
it's in the spoken silences
in the happy-sadness
in simple complexity
in sweet sorrow
just...
in (:
-
(quote tim's blog: Beautiful Irony)
-
and to add on
how does one love and hate a person at the same time?
-
how does one side feel so concerned, so wishing that things were easier, less painful, for my dear brother in Christ.
-
yet the mean green thing likes to pop up
i need an automatic pop-up blocker, like all those new browsers IE 7, Firefox, Opera, Safari
lol what am i talking?
-

---

and I guess msn nicks over the times change
-
and mine so far have a tendency to be about this thing called Love, especailly during the feb-march period. and also yet recently as well
-
"what is love" (i still remember that nick)
"God is Love( was my reply)
-
"oh I love You, always.."(an affirmation of something... yet why?)
" 'Love God whole heartedly' " (mine, quote off someone, haha please dont "nice quote me" again)
-
you begin to wonder... ?
-

---

confusion is in everything sometimes, yet it is a certainty in confusion, another beautiful irony, that even in timess of confusion, we can be certain, there is Someone who will lead us through... and that Someone is Jesus.
-

---

and even so, memories from what matt said last sunday to some of us after the BGR talk
-
"what if more than 1 person likes the same girl"
"the best way the devil can tear us up as a body"
-
i can testify to that, it was painful and hard in feburary, and still isnt too easy
-

" in the end the girl still chooses , and we got to respect that"
-
yet i diagree, in the end, it is God who chooses, and we got to respect that.
-

---

and
"the world tells us we need a person to satisfy us, to love and get love from... ..."
"yet thats not true, we need God"
(tim)

---

And I can finally post about my day
-
I guess the morning, if was anything i woke up deciding not to be emo about anything, simply go to school and be happy and joyful
-
during FireAC
"thank You Lord for Your joy"
-
and haha, yay, =) thanks
-
and yet i wonder, avoiding eye contact from a distance seems to be an automatic reflex, yet why ?
and glances ..., happier, and yet... which direction were they?
-
Bio class... memories of the first few classes we ever had, with ruma firing questions at random ppl in class, she still has the habit of calling out certain ppl(to question) more than others, (haha I'm not on that list for question, I'm on her other list though)
-
and i think she likes repeat names like John, haha which john? john C or Tay?
"emil you're so obvious"(tim)
-
at least it wasnt some pink tailed rabbit example again
-
Runima class, chocolates gift =) for carrying books, she is a nice teacher, haha, and yar unlike WPL, can teach,
-
yet I'm never going to do my IOP at this rate
Jean Luah resigns, erm... ok
good riddance/ not so good
on one hand she is a good teacher,
on the the other hand, she is a little anal(to put it mildly)
-
and the class is like :
" as long as its not rachael chung replacing"
I dont know who she is, but i dunno if anyone can be more anal than J luah
okay lets hope its either
1) Brian Ng
2) Carrie Cheah
-
and i guess primers briefing after it all, sat next to XL, and haha, as usual, started late, and ppl were late also
-
and MOE survey was a waste of time
-
and FireAC briefing, after that, stayed back for a while, to bus stop, met XL and sat with him on 196.( which technically doesnt make sense, if i wanted a 963 i should have used the backgate)
yet I guess i wanted to talk to him, even if its only aobut guitars lol
-
there could be a sensitive topic behind it , yet, maybe , it isnt wise...
-
And again maybe its my fault

mean and ludicrous

Hundred... and emo
-
"why does everything I touch become mean and ludicrous? It is like a curse !"

---

crashy comps
-
to Tim's house
thanks a lot....
-
"regarding your ... friend you need to be more ..."(Tim)
-
corrupted docx, 3 hours of work down the drain
-
why me?? 3 am to go home....

---

BGR emphasis week for my church youth????
let see
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart......"
" love your neighbour as yourself..."
-
I dont even love myself enough... zzz
-
"Guard your heart"
in which I apparently have failed to do so miserably? or what?
-
"dont eat cookies before the dinner feast
dont eat the dinner feast at 4 when you're supposed to eat at 6"
-
Am I looking at my dinner or a mere cookie?
-
"You're too young"
"not that ...'s interested"(matt)
and not that i really want it now, as in if God says wait than wait lor
-
but even so that does change much, its like starring at a large tub of chunkey munkey ice cream, drooling, but not eating it... and wondering whether the ice cream will melt away before I get to eat it...
-
And it sucks to see other people licking away at the ice cream you want, to see someone taking a spoon to eat 1 spoon of it , before he chokes on it.
-

---

Monday: overslept
-
Bio class:
"why are there so many Johns in this school?"
"you are so obvious what you are trying to mean"(Tim)
-
"why you know so much about the bio class days"(tim)
-
"tim dont emo, my guitar wont be happy"(tit for tat)
-

---

tuesday(today): overslept again, my sis isnt a good alarm clock too...
-
a turned head, a heart that wants to break?
I dont like being daoed... it hurts...
-
why does everything I touch become mean and ludicrous?
-
bridge
-
Charles
-

---

nice lah... throwing pebbles at a wall... ignore me lor...
-
dao me ... everyone likes to either swan or dao me lor....
-
"Penny for your thoughts?"(David )
"the Spirit tells me you're troubled"
-
why me? why me?
-
"Do you still trust Me?"
-
everythings going to be alright... He has seen me through the past, and He will see me through...

1 behind a hundred

trip and fall over *ouch*, running..., scandalous smses , random stupid funny quotes,
look like that... Fab
and Stuffy torture, bridge, mathTYPE,TI connect, phone drops *ouch*
and trippy switches
and photobooth effects (I WANT MY MAC =( )
and more...
-
Fab blog probably has all i want to say about today either way.... was with them since 12nn
-
post 99
-
its been 1 year+ since i started this blog somewhere in august 2006
yet most of the posts seem to have been skewed towards the last few months
I guess since the LDC, there been so much to think about to post and to reflect
-

---

"as for the guilt happy and sad part sometimes it's strange. it's ok to be happy"(Tim)
-
I wonder...,
-
the Tim smses ******:)), and the XL msg...
-
sighs
why still so bitter?
-
I could just be like that, and say something along the lines of
"easy for you to say"
-
yet I know that God does put us with different gifts and talents,different circumstances, and in different ways, we may be more or less blessed
-
The pot cannot say to the potter "why did you make me like this" ( I cant exactly remember where this comes from from the bible so could someone tag or something if you know)
-
and its only when we are weak, and utterly dependent upon His grace
that He can be glorified
-
I dont exactly regret the emotional up and down period , the period of depression and i guess, disillusionment to a sense.
-
it was only through that experience that I could utterly depend on God i guess
-
even if Tim , Matthew, Glynn ... whoever who has been helping me along, they can never be there for me all the time.
-
but God is there, a shoulder to cry on, and a Father always willing to listen to our troubles
-
and they who wait upon Him shall renew their strength...
-
yet I wonder, had there been a less painful way of doing that?
-
I learnt to accept the fact that life isn't fair, no matter how hard you try to make it be,
we live in a fallen world, how many times have ppl said that?
-
blessed are the poor in spirit , for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
-

---

I could have gone for a church youth center opening party, but settling for Wah chee
yet ... gone off , yet i wonder
-
its been a happier 2 days, i guess...
-
nick dueling is getting stupid,
-
math port rarrrr

to.the.God.who.loves.me,(and others)

thank You, for loving me even when I'm so unlovable
thank You for being there for me all the times, through the tears, through the joys, You have always been there for me
thank You, for being such a gracious God, for always waiting for me to come back to You even when i stray.
thank You , for being the best Father i could ever have

---

thank you for being a person i could always share and confide in
thank you for being a sholder to lean on, a bin to share my troubles and stuff
thank you for the time in Feburary all the way till now.
thank you for guiding me in academics and stuff, as well as spiritually in a sense
thank you for being a friend

---

thank you for still being willing to be friends
thank you for all the smiles
thank you, for just being who you are

---

thank you for putting up with me even though somethings I might have done might have hurt you
thank you for your words of encoragement that Feburary
thank you for still being a friend i guess

---

i guess... for God and the 3 people, thanks for being friends...
and help me to love the way You want me to love Lord.

Nickname duel

while the stupidest things can be done, like changing one's msn nick like 10 times in 1 day
-
lets see
-
'mil ('neth complains about copying his nick style)(sheesh all of you no creativity one)
s.h.o.r.t.t.h.i.n.g.( russell see's quotes?)
l✞i♥m☺e☻
hokey pokey
Chunkey munkey( hmm NZ ice cream vs Ben and Jerry's)
hmm...
lame...
zzz..
-

---

why am I wasting my time doing stuff when i should have been doing my stupid IAs
-
Raarr i hate chem and math

---

Big disp pics are problematic
whats that for?
-
i wonder
-

---

for Relationships I wish
1. E.T. would be nicer and stop being so petty
-
2. 'neth stop being so cynical
-
3. XL be warmer and friendlier, i dunno , maybe it's my fault.
-
4. Tim (i rather have more than 1 close friend to bin my problems, I used to have others, remembering talking to Shane Yeap last year, problem is the problem is hard to talk about)
-
5. My Mum, I wish I could be a good testimony for her, and I guess not quarrel so much
-
6. hmm.. I wish it could be like how it is with H.G. for now... I guess, very good friends that can talk easily, no awkardness no rubbish, I guess because I know it cant/shdnt be anything more than this? or what? there is a part that wishes for more, yet there is a part who wants to no go through the pain of it... i dunno I wish I knew the answer, yet I know that in the end, it doesn't matter for eternity, whether or not things go that way or anything. yet...
I still don't know what I want though...
"not exactly opened"(tim)
*yet not exactly closed*
I wish I wouldnt get jealous over stupid things, I wish alot of things but ... ... ...
-
7. God, I wish I can love You wholeheartedly, and truely mean it when I say I will do anything for You, not like what Peter did. "Do you love me more than these?". I wish I could truly draw close to You and have a close relationship with You, and be satisfied in Your love. I wish I could not sin and grieve You, and I wish that I could be a good testimony for You. I wish You would show me the way, or at least help me to trust you with all my heart. I wish I could just abide in You and sit at Your feet to listen to You, to feel Your presence, to simply be content and joyful in You
And I wish You would come down and show us Your Glory and let You be glorified in the school , in Singapore, in the world.

---

i

N73 vs K810i

hmmm
-
k810i (cyber shot)
-
Pros
has a faster shutter speed (no more blurred photos and the ability to catch photos on the spot)
has image stabliser
Camera activates way faster
the Phone doesnt hang :)
easier to use
Looks way better(glossy black crystal front surface and black rubber back, not some lousy plastic thingy)
-
Cons
Digital zoom (YUCK no more 3x optical zoom :( )
no more software(not symbian, stuck with J2ME java apps)
Lousier speakers
I cant configure the shortcuts nicely :(
lousy phone browser(but Opera mini makes up for that)
no S60 Hier msn messenger? nmind, E-buddy mobile
-
guess you cant have everything...
unless you are willing to fork out the money
N95 :(

'Love God wholeheartedly'

Part 1(Written on Sunday morning)
Back from retreat and a really long 12hours of sleep (4 p.m-4 a.m)
haha and I assume I'm not the only one ... ... ...
-

---

wednesday
Cheesecake, yoghurt, and prata curry dont agree with each other
had gastric since then, been burping like Celito since then.... grr
PRC students tagging along Tim and John (5.12) and 5.10 girls
Quote(rice weevilyn thungaraj)
"Yeee they're so disgusting"
and high pitched sheirks from the girls... Cherryl Lau, 5.10 girls
-
Math remedial the first seesion i attended, a total waste of time
complex numbness is stupid, I already know my basics
and you didnt cover demorvy therem and whatever you call it
-
after which... wondering:
pictures... if it was petrina i would be ridiculusly annoyed, but it isnt her, its just ... ... ...
-
while dragging the gastric pained me to the lang room one to find
'neth closing the session
and ... ... ... unexpected =) or what? i dunno whether to be happy or annoyed with myself
and R. see, XL, D chng, J.Tay, Caleb, and a few others
-
and timlim joins, tag him along.... heritage, and i dunno... E.T.
-

---

Thursday
Morning FireAC
-
God of Wonders
How great is Our God
Great is the Lord and Most worthy of Praise
-
Later... ... ... okay... i wanted to sing another song after Kenneth closed "Through it all"
though my reasons where a little.... erm... i dunno... ... ...
-
running around looking for ppl to chip in for tims present
-
yet XL already has something in mind..., ... ... ..., and i guess some pple like bong and neoh dont like giving presents
-
nmind, D chng, Yang Jian, Fab, J. tay, and evelyn supposedly (tessa was the mediator)
-
and Wesley, I dont appreciate your "dont look there... heh heh heh"
grrr...
-
and it was convinient for inconvient truth to be completed, and M bean hols to be started
laughter at bean's stupidity...
-
and qing tian to the PRC exchange students...
-
晴天
-
Verse 1
故事的小黄花
从出生那年就飘着
童年的荡秋千
随记忆一直晃到现在
-
Verse 2
併刻兔佻兕佻兕例珨
享兕例珨依侖佻兕依侖
例珨例珨例珨例珨
依侖例珨依侖佻兕
吹着前奏望着天空
我想起花瓣试着掉落
-
Pre Chorus
为你翘课的那一天
花落的那一天
教室的那一间
我怎么看不见
消失的下雨天
我好想再淋一遍
消失的下雨天
我好想再淋一遍
好想再问一遍
你会等待还是离开
-
Chorus
刮风这天我试过握着你手
但偏偏雨渐渐大到我看你不见
还要多久我才能在你身边
等待放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点
-
从前从前有个人爱你很久
但偏偏风渐渐把距离吹得好远
好不容易又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜
-
and who was there...? and why did i feel so uncomfortable?
-
and Tim goes on to play other chinese songs which he knows ,
Meng Long(PRC student) plays the classical pieces and some chinese songs
-
and my $1 Dulop tortex orange 0.6mm equilateral pick as a gift...
-
and off for once not sticking to tim lim haha, going off to parklane to look for a leatherstrap and guitar stuff for present..
-
even though i was super tired and still a little sick from the gastric.... ouch...
-
hmmm $125 taylor byzantine inlay leather strap?? oh my.... but too expensive zzzz
-
and i doubt the $60 taylor swede strap is worth the money
-
ok
Leather strap
Dulop Formula 65 polish
Dulop string conditioner
GHS Gloss
Nut + sandpaper (from Homefix)

total cost $50(knocked down prices via bargaining)
"I'm buying for a friend"
-
"Buying for gf ar?"(Guitar shop guy)
-
*zzz Can I not hear that BL****DY word??*
"no lah"
Tim hardly Counts as a girl ... lol
-
dragged my aching self(I hate you gastric) back home

---

Part 2 (sunday night)
Friday
even better, oversleep and not come?
-
FireAC again, I guess, Through it all... I could Sing of Your Love
-
Tessa Taylor goes for a nice long walk, ACES day, I suppose my guitar can have fun breathing the morning air and grow fat
while a gas filled me aches and tires
-
David talking about God was refreshing... at least it let the time pass by quickly, with minimal thinking of other stuff
-
wish I could think of You all the time, and not you
-
okay. Timlimless Geog and break and bronze statues and fanny tan has good fasion sense?
-
and finally, the thumbdrive of pics ... ... thanks
-
and primers room, Samson Satan Samuel Yong =) and Leon Lim drooling over Tessa (The guitar, not Tim's friend) lol
-
and lunch, lol the 4.2 freaks ppl in the SAC, yet i prefer to be anti social...
-
sat with amanda, petrina and ryan for lunch.
-
off for retreat
-

---

Aranda
Free and easy at Downtown east
biking/skating
-
and Evelyn's the only Girl who biked, the rest(Petrina, Audrey, Amanda, John Tay) go Roller Blading
-
I half wanted to blade, but my bladding isn't top notch, I havnt bladed since sec1? i dunno
-
and taking pics bring about different responses
1. John Tay waving his arms unsteadily and yelling dont take(I take either way=p)
2. Audrey does a nice pose
3. "dont take!" (I obey...)
-
sian...
-
Cakeshop
hmm why is Tim so troublesome , chocolate cakes are common and easy to get
-
Mango or Tiramisu
"I think Tim would prefer mango, even though I personally dont like mango"
"Nah I hate mango *... proceeds with a recount of some seasick experience...*"(XL)
"XL, next time I will stuff you with mango"
-
*Dont think too much*(Tim voice seemed to echo through my head)*
-
ok....
dinner
Ice cream for dinner???
... ... ...
Bk Fish
KFC is so Oily
*XL you're a health nut*
-
Worship
Wesley was late....
XL plays some intsrumental(K kopes my taylor and passes it to him)

---

the following below is personal... I'm not really worried about anyone reading it, yet please be nice about it.
-
prayers
satisfied in Your love
love You with everything
-
and wesley comes at late
-
Geogory Low
-
will you be Willing to die for Christ?
-
and altar call
-
tears... not mine ... yet...
-
the tears of joy for me? the presence of God was so real
-
yet tears ... ... ...
-
I wish I could have prayed for you directly... I was glad , it is amazing when God touches a person personally, and its so wonderful, and yet for a case, it was much more than that to me? or what?
-
yet I knew better than that,
prayed for Daniel chng, and Russell both crying
prayed for you from a Distance, stretched my hands towards to bless
-
and finally lething myself be prayed for... by Geogory and by Charles
-
it is cases like this that i sometimes wonder, love (or whatever you may call it) isn't wrong, but guess some of the emotions that are connected to it are wrong, and we should never put anyone before God, "Love God wholeheartedly" as you rightfully said... ... And I shouldnt expect anything back, whether it be reciprociated or anything but I guess...
never let envy or jealousy consume me
the colour associated to them is green yet even though lime is one of the colours that represent me yet I dunno
-
Am i willing to give up all for God
smiles are nice but I wish I could smile to God whenever I think of Him
-
and on the flip side, the ET frown, even after the door was opened to you, when will you ever stop being that petty person with that consistant black face towards me(and thats not a racist remark )
-

---

XL teaching guitar
yet since when was he supposedly better/more pro etc then me? and i wonder i wish. dont yet the mean green thing come out please please
-
I remember the time
we were both equally noob, sec 4 during TA2 camp
we were starting to learn along with Lua(who gave up)
the times in the admin room, with guitars, BB open, etc
-
whats wrong with that mean green thing
and why?
-
my guitar wont be touched... while i'm not that protective over my guitar and yet...
-
sighz... even with the yamaha, the other time i still remember
*Dont think too much*(Tim voice seemed to echo through my head, more serverely)*
-
Tim's Bday
-
3 girls rolling about a bed
-
"dont be an alex lua"(Petrina)
-
after they left, and I QT/ slept
-
How does one jump from happy to sad to happy to sad so many times in one day???
-

---

Saturday
lack of sleep
breakfast
haha
-
haha
-
haha
-
ok Morning worship
-
company theme song haha
yet Yugaraj you are sort of cramping my space,
the strap dislocates.... zzzz on my knees to play
-
lack of sleep can drive one bananas, especially when accompanied with a bad bout of gastric
a sudden craving/obsession for banana milkshakes
-
Tim would realise
"double slap pinch"(tim)
-
but Tim is a little mad, nice finger puppets show while i was in the toilet cubicle
Azmi got a screw loose too
-
It might be psychological, the gastric wasnt too bad after some of the milkshake (thai express with azmi celebrating tims's bday)
-
and some weird bannana, milk, and strawberry ice concoction from coffee bean
-
and back Home ..... SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
-
raarrrr
-

---

Today
why Does H.G. remind me so much especially today?
-
oh well i shall stop talking about bananas, I shall ban them
-
new phone, dumped my N73 at long last
-
K810i
Ericsson haha, no nokia