disintegrations

bitterness is what is left when one tries to cut off everything
-

---

In the past:
“I don’t want her to become hurt more than necessary”
“you’re not the one to be the one who helps her, you can only trust God that if she does fall, He’ll be the one who picks her up”
-
I’m not in any position to dictate how people should run their lives
whether I think its right or not, dressing, lifestyle, anything...
even if I care for them...
-
I still care, yet I cant...
because I have to let go, I cannot hurt myself anymore
-
so maybe by doing so
I end up hecking everything... “I dont care” attitude
even though deep down, I probably still care...
-

---

Like today:
“go shelter her” (John)
“I need to pass you your specs, never mind she wont want anyway, you go shelter her”
-
comparing to 6 months ago, where I simply didn’t care about myself...
leaving the comfort of a room out to pouring rains for her sake
-

---

and everyone seems to think I’ve somehow ‘switched targets’
-
which isn’t really true... close intimate friendship does not equate romantic interest...
-
I have no interest in getting attached at the moment...
not until I’ve grown more emotionally mature to handle it...
-
just that the lot of you simply want to make things awkward for your entertainment
esp. someone who seems to take it upon her self as her duty to “protect”
-
well at least I managed to enjoy a nice day with tim,
while all you know how to do is make things awkward...
-