Faith

2nd post today
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so many things on my mind,
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so many things to pray for ... and sometimes I feel so selfish... a matter of spending so much time asking God about my own problems , while forgetting to pray for others... and forgetting about others as well... when life seems so... dependent upon emotions and thoughts, upon the one thing that plagues the mind all the time, while forgetting at times that God will take care.... a lack of faith, so to speak.
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"Seek my face"(Psalms 27:8)
"Seek first the kingdom of God...."(Matthew 6:33)
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while an unproductive 4 hours without lessons ...
the Evelyn's "Emil you crazy stupid disgusting boy" factor was high today.
1) Though the rain to the water cooler
2) Splashing rain water at Garreth/Tim
3) Twisting John Tay's face like a rubik's cube
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yet beneath the stupid smile....
for a fact that behind craziness lies an Emil who's so ... sad and lonely... a terrible loneliness ...
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going down to SAC looking for food... and yet having no appetite... and the lure of the piano, the ultimate expression of ones emotion, yet a noisy crowded SAC... not very conducive
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memories of a certain Saturday after Koinonia ... Who am I? ..
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and sitting on a wet bench gazing at Koi opening and shutting their mouths... a red white and black kaleidoscope of colors ... and emotions... as I watched ...as someone walked past... indifferent yet...
or maybe its just me...
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while abusing Chuzzles in TOK free period, momentary escapism
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a time of walking out in chem lesson, and .... yet an instinctive divertion of eyes away... why?
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and hopping up skipping to a whiteboard to draw a pink flower C^RC^W cross punnet square.... yet...
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while tim interprets my crazy mood... agrees to talk to me again.... time in Wah chee... chicken rice,with anything... to fill a famished stomach deprived of food.
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and yet words fail me to describe the emotions... ... yet a resolution is needed...
just be friends... the original resolution in feburary...
"I'll rather have 2 friends than no one at all"(refering to discarding the negative emotions towards XL)
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and yet I dont want to dao yet it has almost become instinctive...its so hard to talk...
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the only words, a quiet "thank you" after holding the point 10 classroom door open for a group of them, the .10 bio students, the lesson after that happenned to be a Mr Tim Lim Less Geog lesson.
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And yet XL can talk better than I can now, mending the broken bridges, while I errect walls at my side...
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why?
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I am sick of posting in purple.
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yet again the option of purging emotions by admitting them to her remains open, yet... I dont dare to take it ...
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Lord give me Faith
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while the troubled mind of mine makes 2 transportation blunders back home, first by taking MRT the wrong direction, then thinking so hard that I miss my bus stop, falling asleep 1 stop before the stop I was supposed to get off.
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and yet other worries beside these things... too many to list down...
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the red Chair that has become wet with water, and became half gray , yet uncomfortable due to the wettness of the seat , like a wet bench beside Koi. The Warm and wet seat.
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Dont spit me out... Give me Your Grace, and like the way Elijah called fire unto wet stones, send Your Fire on me, once again.

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Praise You in the Storm - Casting crowns
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....As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"...
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....Though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in the storm......
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...I lift my eyes unto the hills,
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, maker of heaven and earth.....
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