"Good afternoon boys and girls"

"No madam, you should say good afternoon boys and girls"(Jillian in Bio class)
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School starting proper after the exams today... ...
while times of the weird horrible sensation that plagued me after HL math paper, grinning like an idiot but feeling so hollow and terrible inside during math and chem classes in the morning...
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and calling a timetable a periodic table in chem class... an evidence that my heart wasnt with me...?
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forcing myself not to peer into the 5.10 class room while walking past it, a bad habit I've developed for sometime already...
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yet gazing from a distance at the backs of a group of 5.10 ppl chatting animatedly while going for recess. P J G A
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Its hard both ways... ... the forcing and not forcing... the emotions still come...
I guess trying not to think of something is impossible,
Its like commanding a person " don't think of a pink elephant with green polka dots"
or for my case "..., banana milkshakes, milo pengs, torn shirt sizes,"
or maybe the idea is :
"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things...."
(Philippians 4:8)
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ok i give up trying to avoid thinking.... thinking is stupider than TOK
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Bio lesson
my favorite class since Janurary, due to a number of reasons.
yay after being forced to not attend Bio because of choir, finally can attend =)
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Ruma's Pronunciation Guide(RPG)
(Genetics edition)
Genotype: Jen-No-type
Phenotype :Fen-No-type
Allele: Air-li-li/Air-lil (alternate between versions)
Percent: Per-sont
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and sitting on the floor today like primary school kids... which lead to the quote earlier on
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bringing back the old hazy faded memories of primary 1 and kindergarden...
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while the sit on floor concept left free room for eyes to roam,
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stray glances, yet...
times to see eyes looking in my direction, which snap back to the front the instance my eyes hit there...
and yet no smiles.. no words, nothing...
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avoiding...on my part... is starting to really suck... ... when its successful it sucks more...
I give up... ... maybe Tim is right ... I dont want this way
what way then?

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ACJC CF/FireAC/ACS(I) IBWS CF meeting
worship...
There is a longing only You can fill...
...take me deeper... deeper in love with You
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...so take me as you find me,
all my fears and failure
fill my life again...
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with the crazy ACJC ppl... haha i get what you mean Jack...
yet... after the happy feelings fade off, on the bus alone back home...
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the loneliness is still there...
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Lord be ever so close to me, I really need You...
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...This is my cry , my One desire
Just to be with You Lord ,
Now and forever....
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yet I wonder whether what I'm doing is what God wants me to be doing....that nagging sensation comes back.... or is it just me struggling against my own will?
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I wish I knew the answers... ...
maybe squeezing emotions in a box isnt the way to go? I wish I knew...