Extract from Charles Ng's Email, with a few parts highlighted (with my thoughts in green)
In my younger days (kindergarden), I used to form a Boys' clubs, an
amalgamation of various clans of hardy and warrior like Boys who were
bent on defending all that was free and fair from the barbie doll
wielding Girls who charged our ranks during recess time. Of course, as
in many battles, the lines between courage and foolhardy was thinned
and devastation ran amok ... at least until recess ended and battle
raged again the next day with truces forged over weekends. Through the
years, these Boys clubs became singles associations and their ranks
diminished as their members aged. Kindergarden always will be
Kindergarden and we will always grow up into discovering that we will
develop feelings for someone of the other camp. Treachery as I'd come
to discover was a total and reforming experience that no one was
absolved from.
And the fascination grows into an almost uncontrollable intensity when
we meet someone we first begin to fancy. Suddenly years of warfare and
hard drilled rationality is thrown into the spaces of invisibility and
we go Ga-Ga whenever someone passes by and Ha -Ha for no apparent
reason. And for the first time, we actually feel a pain throbbing in
the heart, wishing always to see and be with someone but when that
person appears, we become like Dr Ong's eagles, rooted to the ground,
expressionless and stony.(heh... lol, MSN versus real life)
To start, Let begin by saying that its not wrong feeling this way. We
stepped into a time when we discover that we want to be with someone
and to be wanted in return. It was in God's great design to show us
that the central part of our existance was to desire a deep,
fulfilling initmacy. Where being with someone gave all the reason to
existence.
But all that seems so idealistic when the road appears to be strewn
with so large a number of failed relationships. Remember, a failed
relationship does not mean that you are better able to love the next
time around (hmm... true), in fact, so often if we had a failed relationship, we
bring the baggage of the past into the next round. And thats unfair
for the other party. So don't easily buy the adage that we should try
being in a relationship to learn. But what happened? why did a
God-given desire go so wrong for so many?
Before that, lets understand this desire better. We are given this
desire because it exemplifies our greatest need - the need for
intimacy. All of human life finds meaning in relationships - not in
the vast swathes of money or the glitter of status, rather they are
found in friendships, family, fellowship and ultimately an eternity of
being with the Creator Himself. The danger is in elevating a human
relationship above being with Jesus Himself.
The problem, I guess, is that we've never placed a relationship into
perspective, that marriage at its very best, at its greatest, is only
but a mere shadow of being with Jesus. But sometimes, if we are honest
with ourselves, we must be thinking that after all these years of
worship services and bible studies, a relationship with someone of the
opposite gender seems more exciting and fulfilling. It really means we
got to know Jesus more. Listen to Him alot more and you know what, He
can satisfy a zillion times more than a BGR can, anytime, anyday!
So what happened? Its because many times we rush into a relationship
without praying and understanding what it a relationship means
biblically. its like driving a car without having gone through driving
school. So we hop on and learn as we go until the car crashes. We
haven't learnt to control our emotions and feelings properly. More
often than not, we are still too selfish, and partly thats why we want
to be in a relationship cause we want total and exclusive attention
from someone. We need to mature in love before we enter into a
relationship.
So what can we do if we start feeling the tinkling feelings of crushes?
1) Get a life! - don't be obsessed (Phil 4:8-9)* (lol haha)
Really its as easy as stop thinking about it so much. Learn to
surrender every thought to the Lord. Think about wholesome stuff like
the cross or what we can do to bless our family today. And as the
verse tells us, peace will follow.
2) Don't be found in a place of temptation or don't tempt others!
Always try to avoid going out with someone of the opposite gender on a
one- to- one basis(hmm ... piano and stuff... oh well). Not unless you are willing to contemplate something in the longer term. If you must, go with a group of friends.If you are in a situation where you know that someone might like you
too, then you really got to avoid being a position where temptations
amount. Also if you know someone might have special feelings for you,
don't torment.(hmm ... I wonder what that means... " guard your heart"?) Its wise to avoid temptation and stumbling someone else.
3) Spend more time building friendships on both sides - but best
friends are for people from the same gender
You see it does not mean avoiding people from the opposite gender, its
about doing so wisely. Yet in your youth, spend time building
friendships for life. The danger is not doing so because of being in a
relationship and living the rest of our lives regretting having solid
pals alongside.
4) Learn to share and get wise advise (hmm ... I know... what ppl would tell me, I heard enough to know.... I've been talking to ppl like Tim/Glynn/Matthew but...)
You've got trusty officers around! Heeelllloooo! We're here and sit by
our phones (the one i just got) waiting for you folks to call.
Its important that we have friends who allow us to share honestly and
will hold our conversation in confidence. Its more important to find
these friends now than to be in a relationship.
(I cut off this part)
Thus I hope we may deal with relationships maturely. There are reasons
why we are adament that you should avoid being in one for now. its not
that being in one condemns you, but we don't want you to get hurt
needlessly(I know... there isn't a point being hurt). Have a good holidays. Try to learn about Jesus more.
With brotherly love
Charles Ng
while lunch with charles, and a few others. at the vietnamese noodle restaurant... and Charles was narrating that email to us all, I wasn't exactly paying attention... until I checked my email later on...
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heh... (since when did I start using that word on sms/web lingo?) anyway, being as normal as can be... maybe letting off some stuff on tim... but... still...?
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and Tim... it doesn't really help if you start interpreting everything as trigger points and announcing it to the whole world... what would she have felt?
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I know she knows... I'm thankful she's still willing to be friends and be nice... sighz... thats still part of the problem... part of the reason for the emotional issues, would be her character, the tendency to be friendly and such...
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but again, I'm not being very fair... she doesn't have to change her character to make me be normal...
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anyway
charles talking abt what presents guys prefer...
heh he missed me out... thankfully...
but chng/ john had to point that out... zzz
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triggers?
crossing the road without bothering abt the cars.... doesn't that sound like me??
heh... :(
sighz
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it doesn't mean anything if ppl have similar habits(bad or good) and stuff... like the tendency to absentmindedly leave stuff behind... (like handphones) , short stature, dislike for pork, etc... the list can go on
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even as Matthew shared about his former gf sharing same birthday date with him a month back... big deal it made... they broke up in the end..
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emotional investments... I know... being overtly concerned for her welfare... seemingly always hanging around her everyday during the hols( even if its in a group)... or else MSN chats almost everyday?...
I try to cut sometimes... but its not working very well... or maybe the reason why i want to cut is a selfish one... =(
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mixed signals... sighz... perception ... i don't trust it anymore... it tends to have biased based on the emotional status... rational logic can also be affected by emotions... emotions can affect how one knows... stuff (lol ToK essay)
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heh
wearing my emotions on my sleeves, its too easy to interpret me...
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in the end... I might end up hurting myself... not very good...
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I guess... it was painful enough in feb, and more painful during the time when she sort of avoided me... and now...
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I always talked of reconciliation... and true... I'm a lot better with XL(provided I don't trigger anything), and her...
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that's something to be thankful for.... yet... one other person is left... Evelyn...
yet
i dunno
she seems to have lost a lot of her friends... even hating Tim now???
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there was a point of time she kept sticking to... ... ... during the exam period, was it to spite me?
and the comment the other time... ("she would be so mad" when I was carrying ... ... ...'s bag to wah chee)
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I dunno, had i been any other person, I would probally just wash my hands off her... and basically "让她去死", tim... and more...
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the 2 greatest commandments
"Love God wholeheartedly"
Love your neighbor as yourself...
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I wish it was possible to do that...
a tendency to shun ppl, I also have that... darn seb yap...
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I dunno
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Guide of my Life... lol
XL's song.... which he refuses to anknowledge now...
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but even so... we need Him to guide our lives... not us to grab on to it... but to surrender all to His perfect will
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and I need to trust that He knows what's best.... sighz... was what I heard(or thought I heard) from God... way back then...
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oh well
I guess
if anyone reads this, and doesn't feel comfortable abt it... heh... drop me an msn or something...
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I guess... its the open diary for all to read... my life and my walk with God... how things been... for me to look back in the future and see how faithful God has been... I've seen the last year's posts... besides the rubbishy "random dumb stuff " ... I can see how God's been faithful... this blog is testimony to His faithfulness...
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heh at the same time some scandalous emo rubbish? i hope not... and I hope who ever reads this... would take it in a more positive light
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"to know He is there through it all"
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