The Eagle

As I saw an eagle (or some large bird) soar across the Thai sky, the same way it did above the Nanyang Audi before the Stats Exam…
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I recalled this verse:
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Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40: 28-31)

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I don’t know how things are going to turn out

I don’t know if me being honest about my thoughts will end up pushing people away

I don’t know if I indadvertedly said or did things which didn’t come off well

But I know God will be with me, even if I get rejected and hurt by the people I trust…

Birthday wishes

This post is kinda overdue - but yeah

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Thanks for all those last week who made my 21st special:

to Jia’en, Shayne, Yi Ming - for the unexpected surprise after class at the HSS building, the cake/card, the lunch, you all really made my day (:

to the Block E people - thanks for the cake

to the Hall 3 29th JCRC - thanks for the cake and card

to GLOW (NTUCF CG) - thanks for the cake and card - even though Anna didn’t realise it was my birthday and asked me where to buy a cake ><

to Anna, Lawrence, Jiajun - for spending time with me late at night at Nanyang meadows to chill and chat

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For every cake a got ( a total of 5 cakes ><) there always these tradition of 'making a wish' before blowing out the candles

I guess, I could always wish for a perfect GPA, getting the perfect GF, or any of those things which are important for a first year uni student as he wonders about the rest of his life.

But all these things don't really matter do they? even if I manage to get a GPA of 5 and get together with the girl of my dreams, it still has very little value compared to whatever God has intended for me.

I wish therefore, that God will reveal his purpose in my life more and more, and in whatever I do, I will be a blessing to the people around me… And I trust that whatever things else that matters, my ambitions, desires, hopes, dreams…. He will take care of it, in His time...

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and so, as the exam break comes, I guess:

Lord teach me to trust in You more.

Teach me how to value myself and build my identity as Your child

And love other people the way You want me to.

and help me in my weakness, to depend on You more…

QR codes

After playing around with QR codes, I realise they are pretty cool haha

Scenery

After 2-3 months or so in the NTU Yunan Garden campus, walking around and exploring the place
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there are plenty of nice places one can go for walks – from the Nanyang Lake to the park opposite the chinese heritage centre.
-
its nice to go for walks, soaking in the fresh air, thinking about things in general… learning all the different shortcuts around the place…
-

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it’s nicer when there are friends to walk with though (: company is what makes a place beautiful…

The sharp knife of a short life...

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“Life is short…”
-
“thank God for each day He gives us...”
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Thinking back at the past few months...
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conversations, people, thoughts…

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thats the way you are… smile…
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No point worrying about tmr right?

I'm thankful

things worked out so far (:
-

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a week back, I tried to convince myself I didn’t really care either
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but I realise I can’t…

JCRC Photoshoot

About a month ago I remember asking around friends about a good place to do a formal photoshoot…

“ADM”
“they want somewhere in town”
“Orchard Central rooftop”

and after I did a poll with the rest
-
Orchard Central rooftop was the majority

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Original plan was to go there around twilight and make use of the ambient lighting to take the photos… however due to a poor decision by Johnnie(VP) to take 502 express bus - we ended up rather late… was a good thing I took cab rather than 502 the previous day to get back to hall after the PVS OG outing
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so twilight was out… we headed to the rooftop anyway
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I decided to use my strobe + light stand + flash reflector/diffuser + colour filters which I bought in case
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on the way up to the roof level
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Winfred(President) asked me:
“So where do you want us to take the photo?”
“I’m not sure, go up and see”
“You mean you never come here before????”
“Yeah, my friend recommended this place… sh...”
“You sure can or not?”
“I trust my friend okay… I trust my friend…”
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When we arrived to the breathtaking view - no one really had anything to complain about -
OC is probably one of the tallest buildings in orchard with an accessible rooftop…

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as our original plan for twilight photos came to naught… we had to use flash anyway
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One of them remarked
“I don’t really like flash”
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The photo shoot took the better part of the next 2 hours - but it definitely was fun playing around with the off camera flash lighting options… it is definitely possible to achieve very natural lighting with a combination of flash diffusers and colour blending from different directions - no need to worry so much about ‘flash effect
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anyway, more work for me I guess having to process more photos
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it was definitely fun while it lasted - more fun than sitting around the dark part of scape listening to off-tuned guitars...

All is Fair in Love and War

it’s interesting that you normally would ask a girl if she rejected a guy before
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but you will probably ask a guy if he got rejected by a girl before
-

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seems rather rare to find a guy rejecting a girl or a girl being rejected by a guy right?
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somehow that doesn’t seem fair…

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…If there's nothing worth saying, let's not bother...

Recess week

which I’m not looking forward to
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too much time alone, too much time to think
-

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out of sight, out of mind
or
absence makes the heart go fonder

I’m not doing a 2-way factorial experiment on that…

The Existence of God

“How do you know God exists”
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Its an interesting question to ponder, and something I believe every Christian and one point of time in their lives should consider…
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Christianity is a reasonable and rational faith, it doesn’t require one to blindly accept whatever ideas people throw to you. Rather we should always consider and know why we believe in certain things, and consider whether we think it is worth it.

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.”
Luke 14 :28 - 32

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First of all we cannot ‘prove’ that God exists simply by saying “because the bible says so” - that itself is committing a fallacy of begging the question.
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As with scientific enquiry - we cannot ‘prove’ without doubt that a particular theory is true or false - it is ‘tentative’. We choose to accept knowledge as the simplest solution to answers - by making the least assumptions in our judgements - also known as ‘Occam’s razor’

Similarly while we cannot conclusively prove that God exists per se, we also cannot conclusively disprove the existence of God. It becomes the responsibility of the person to choose to weigh the choices and assumptions in each argument and make their own decision, or choose not to at all (like some agnostic ‘free-thinkers’)

Anyway there are a large number of arguments the typical Christian likes to produce to ‘prove’ the existence of God. Sadly many of these arguments are full of logical fallacies, or otherwise have an assumption or two. Similarly theories that ‘disprove’ the existence of God usually involve other assumptions as well.

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C.S. Lewis’ argument on the basis of Christianity - also known as Lewis’s Trilemma, is probably one of the most well known and popular Christian logical arguments. Its interesting to note that C.S. Lewis, a highly intellectual person, was previously a staunch atheist prior to his ‘reluctant’ conversion to Christianity

In C.S Lewis’ Trilemma, he proposes this:

Jesus could either be:

1. A Liar


2. A Lunatic


3. Lord (i.e. God)

He cannot simply be just a ‘good man’ or teacher, because it wasn’t congruent with his teachings or behaviour in the bible.

If Jesus was a liar, its difficult to understand why a person would want to die for something he knew was a lie, it’s difficult to see how a person could be receive intrinsic or extrinsic reward to be motivated to die for a lie, dying itself goes again our biological instincts to survive. Not unless you propose Jesus was some sort a non-human creature from some alien race - would be a rather far-fetched assumption. Additionally it would be very hard to see how Jesus could possibly intentionally make effort to fulfil the large quantity of prophecies about him – unless you propose that the bible was re-written to accommodate him - not very likely as we have sources that predate Jesus.

If Jesus indeed was a lunatic, and was deluded about his teachings, its seems rather strange that his followers ( who called themselves Christians) be equally convinced about his deception - and allow themselves to die for a false cause after his death( since he would not have been resurrected). Even if they tried to cover up, stole his body and pretended he rose again, I would hardly see the disciples facing certain death under the Roman authorities holding on to something they knew was a lie.

Jesus claimed he was God. If he wasn’t lying or deluded about this claim, by deduction - he is God.

However C.S. Lewis’ argument is based upon one very important premise – the bible and other other historical sources of information we get about Jesus is reliable, and not merely just fictional constructions – to the point that Jesus becomes merely a legend - in the likes of King Arthur and the knights of the round table.

Nevertheless its a pretty safe assumption to assume the bible – crossed referenced to various other sources, is relatively reliable as a historical record. Secondly, if the bible is indeed a reliable source of information - are we able to interpret it in a manner that is reliable - is our transduction from the words in the bible to our cognitive perception of information reliable?
-

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From a more personal level, I always wondered too, whether my belief was false, whether it was merely a delusion, whether I got conned into believing and accepting what people have told me about Christianity. But somehow I know there are always points in my life where I can remember being assured about the reality of God, and how at that particular point God seems so real, whether it be answering a prayer, giving me a ‘sense of peace’ about decisions, and comforting me in my distress.
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it is a common experience among most Christians, we live with the assurance of a God who loves us deeply and will take care of us,
not in fear of angry idols who would cause calamity if we do not satisfy their demands,
nor the despair of a lonely world of entropy without the presence of God.

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There is one argument popular among atheists - quoted from the 1st century BCE philosopher Lucretius:

Nequaquam nobis divinitus esse paratam
Naturam rerum; tanta stat praedita culpa

Which translates from latin to:
"Had God designed the world, it would not be
A world so frail and faulty as we see."

We wonder – if God is the same loving God claimed in the bible - why is there such pain and suffering in the world today? Why doesn’t he step in to do something about it?

Perhaps we can note that according to the bible:

1. God created the world to be perfect


2. God gave free will to men – the only creature to be created in His image


3. God is a righteous and just God, he cannot tolerate sin


4. Men rebelled against God - and this resulted in destruction and the problems we see all around us


5. God embarked on a ‘rescue plan’ to save men. He sent Jesus to fulfil the requirement of the law to be the sacrifice. He paid the price that had to be paid by us by dying himself.


6. We’re living in a world doomed for destruction, but God promises a new beginning beyond this age… in the right time so as many as possible can be brought to salvation.

God doesn’t promise a perfect world… and the world itself was made imperfect because of men’s rebellion. God will step in – but only in the end.

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While these are just a tip of the iceberg with regard to the many theories to prove or disprove God and Christianity, God is real to me because I have experienced Christianity in my life - and it has been a very fulfilling and purposeful. Although I cannot say for sure that what I believe in is hundred percent true, I think its the best answer I have for life now…

Vanilla Twilight

Everything seems crazier the more I think about it, yet somehow it’s the thought that counts right?



Interesting that Adam Young(owl city guy) also did a cover on Taylor’s Swift’s enchanted when he assumed Swift was writing about him…

Enchanted - Taylor Swift

This, along with another song, has been stuck in my head for the longest time… stuck on my iTunes on repeat,

not yet my iPhone because I’m too lazy to sync my iPhone…

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There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say

It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that

This was the very first page, not where the storyline ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Testimonies in a Secular world

I’ve to make a presentation(in a couple of hours) - a short one nonetheless, to a particular organisation known as S.P.A.R.K.
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Society for the Promotion of AD(H)D Research and Knowledge

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I’ve come a long way since then, years ago, where classmates had to pack bags for me,
where everyone commented I was living in a world on my own...
Where everywhere I went - people considered me a social outcast
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Now I’m trying to run a few initiatives to help others who face the same thing
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what they want to hear - is probably a story somehow of ‘hope’ - how did you overcome the problems you faced through the growing up years
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My main idea would be then of self esteem and acceptance. No doubt as a child I always claimed to have high self-esteem, but I realise much later that it was merely a facade I put up as a defence mechanism. After all, ignorance and being oblivious to the world around is an effective way of shielding one’s self from the harsh reality out there, as is positive thinking
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The question is, where can you find this ‘self-esteem’ and ‘acceptance’ ? I’m firmly convinced of this, that nothing in this world could ever satisfy a human’s need for love, and acceptance. Self-help books and secular existentialist philosophy may claim one has to work in ‘thinking positively’ - the kind of crap I’ve to teach during trainings - but it’s merely another defence mechanism to protect one’s self - as well as being a rip-off eastern religious philosophy.

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Only God has the ability to heal our past hurts and disappointments, our desire for intimacy and acceptance...

Our identity in Christ is what defines us as a person - it’s what gives us ‘self-worth’, or better put, ‘Christ-worth’

Human ideas, acceptance by others can only work so far, people always disappoint, thats a matter of fact.


... All flesh is grass,
and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the LORD blows on it;
surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever....

(Isaiah 40:6-8)

...Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to Him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint....

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

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Now the question is - how do I package it in a ‘secular’ manner without being overtly ‘christian’

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As a off topic - photos from my 4th mission trip to Thailand:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/limexd/sets/72157626923296028/

More to come...

Polling day

Yesterday (cooling off day)

1. I took a bus yesterday that was crowded and smelly,


2. Had to endure a traffic jam,


3. Paid $1.7 (not cheap=( ) for my bus ride,


4. Bumped into an old man picking cardboard boxes.


5. Ran into a large mass of foreign workers after that.

Even so, I am blest to be a Singaporean, because elsewhere in the world,

People are paying much more to take a bus, (look at London, Sydney or any other developed country)

People pay much more than 7% GST - some pay up to 15% government tax

They wait longer in a jam(some up to a few hours, think about Bangkok, Shanghai, and quite a few other countries),

Many more are homeless and destitute, they sleep in the streets and beg for money, more so than here.
At least the old man picking cardboard has a job and a roof over his head.

Construction projects are left as empty shells simply because the contractors go bust due to lack of funds and manpower.
At least we have imported workers who can do the work to make Singapore a better place.

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Touch your heart and ask yourself. Is Singapore under poor governance?
Or is it just a bunch of people brandishing slogans and relying on the number one pastime of Singaporeans - Complaining?

We need someone to listen to us, someone who isn’t arrogant and greedy.

But the opposition, please don’t go around grousing about the issues of cost of living, taxes, Foreign workers or social welfare.
Stop mudslinging the incumbents
We are much better off than almost everywhere else. You only lose credibility by saying all these.

Talk about how you can make Singapore a better place, Show us that it’s more than just talk.
Maybe in 5 years time, you will have my vote.

S-R-S cycle

sometimes, you wonder what if there is a limit of the mercy of God in our lives...
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Why do we keep a cycle of Sin -> Repentance -> Sin?
-
Doesn't repentance involve turning away from sin?
Yet if sin is 'pleasurable' isn't it a natural thing, in human hedonistic tendencies to gravitate towards it?

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if we are new creations in Christ, the old has gone and the new has come
-
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Rom 7: 15)
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So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
(Romans 7: 21-25)

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We cannot do anything by our own effort, our own strength
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lest we keep falling into a cycle of sin
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“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,”(Rom 8:1)
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In my heart I want to be a person who does the will of God, who does what is pleasing to God
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yet so many times I fail...
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yet Jesus said, for every Lash on his back, for the nails that pieced him
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for every sin and wrongdoing I ever done
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“Father, forgive them.... For they know not what they are doing...”

Providence

New website to display my um... photography portfolio
http://limepics.wordpress.com/

I’m wondering, after it all, I dunno if I can trust that I’ll be able to make it through everything out there
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But I want to trust and believe that God will provide for me... in the months to come...

Poison

what are the 2 things the world values the most?
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money, relationships
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yet Jesus tells us that unless we ‘hate’ these things, we cannot be His disciple

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the first poison:
-
love of money has always been one of the many reasons why christians fall away. How many times have we heard about people who’ve “ wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” from that (1 Tim 6:10)
-

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the second poison
-
again, relationships, as God meant it, was supposed to be the most beautiful and sacred gift He had. We know about how the love between a married couple is meant to symbolically portray the love of Christ for the church
-
but we’ve seen how relationships have destroyed the spiritual lives of many... as Paul warns about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers...
-

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Money has never been a big deal for me... I never saw the value of having excess...
-
Relationships somehow though, have always been a place of intrigue and desire for me...
I desire a Godly person who could support me in my spiritual walk with God, who can be there for me, and yeah...
-
I’ve been through enough to know that unrequited feelings for another person is painful and traumatic...
-
and I’ve seen how its possible that a little gossip and hearsay can destroy a perfectly healthy friendship...

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it comes to a point like this
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I cannot carry the baggage of the past into the future , wherever God chooses to send me
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I don’t want to be presumptuous and think I know who God intends for me
-
but honestly speaking, need I even need to worry about it? nothing much would make a difference if God has a purpose and intention for my life...
-
and I need to learn faith, patience in waiting, hoping in Christ
-
and to learn to trust and love Him more, and in and above everything...

B.B.

Charles shared again - on discerning God’s will
-
it was like a confirmation like the millionth time,
what Glenn was talking to me about,
what Dorcas was talking to me about
-
the random weird dream I had ( which didnt come true anyway...)

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-
well, anyway it gets to a point when it becomes freaky... but I get the point
-

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God seems to be changing a lot of my expectations
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I knew I had to burn down bridges, which I did, eventually
-
not the way I would have wanted to do it, but still better than nothing
-

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after the BS we headed down to the airport... T3 this time - night time
-
at least I didn’t have to wait for an oversleeping Ian and pay $30 to take a night cab to T1 this time
-
XL made a comment, but strangely this time, it only caused me a slight annoyance, to the point of slight amusement
-
we said our farewells, said our bye byes
-
I sent my customary sms - out of habit , rather than of anything else
-
after all, who doesn’t wish to see each other again in the place where
‘we will worship Jesus , when He comes again?’

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-
As I looked into what’s ahead, I realised I had a few choices:
-
base my choices on my inherent ambitions, - take a bio/med related field, and later choose between teaching/medicine
-
or do something I would never expect myself doing... taking a social science related field, in preparation for where God leads me to serve Him
-

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and there comes the whole NUS/NTU related issue
-
for 2 years, I protested about applying to NTU... maybe it was a prestige and pride issue,
-
but I doubt I have much choice left...
-
but does it really have to take a realisation that 2 of my closest primary school friends are there to make me reconsider?

counting the cost

As I looked through the green little book - in preparation for church staff model BAG
-
a book i read - 5 years ago as a Sec3 JY in GMC...

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If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple.

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I made this mistake, once, twice, thrice
-
by placing human relationships above God
-

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-
whatever it meant when I talked to Ding during BS about burning bridges
-
all is said and done
-
now its time to move on...
-

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let Your will be done...

Fourteen Feb

even if I don’t have anyone to give flowers to today

I want to remember

that God is Love

and we Love because He first Loved us

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I remember singing this song during fireAC:

Once I thought the love of God was just for you and me.
Once I thought we were the only ones.
Now I know God's love can find all those from sea to sea;
And when it finds them, they become His sons.

His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine,
Softer than a sigh.
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean,
Wider than the sky.

His love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above;
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change His love.

Beauty

Beauty is of the inside, not so much the outside
-
I’ve seen people change, they look better outside, but inside they also change, they become more worldly, they no longer are the same people I love and care for
-
and that, is the change that matters, not so much on how they change the way they treat me, but really the character and person they are
-

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have I asked myself the reason why the change? yes I have
-
but I dont really care about the treatment so much, its really more of the change inside that makes me sad
-
foolishly I try to compromise my values and expectations,
but I cant keep doing it
and I shouldn’t
-
even if the person outside is more beautiful than when I first knew
I rather the person grows inside,

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-
talking with an old primary school friend of mine today really helped a lot
-
She asked me these 2 questions:
‘how sure you are that she’s the one?’
‘what is so special about her?’
-
“she’s different, not like the other girls I know who cared more about external appearance, someone who is godly, mature and good natured’
-
but as I look at everything... that was long ago... things have changed,
-
I rather be with a person who wont drink anything other than root beer,
than be with a person who is worldly, who desires to be involved in a council of drunkenness and sin
-
I don’t want to compromise my morals anymore...

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and finally:
-
‘its not so much our business to question and insist on finding out what is God’s plan for us, its really more of our job to trust in Him that He is in control, and follow and discern’

positive dreaming

something echos my sentiments
-

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but it’s about this
-
commit it though prayer
-
its not about trying to reason everything that happens out..
-
He will make all things beautiful in His time...

---

-
even if the response is not what you’d get in the dream
-
but at least it was a moment of catharsis

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

---

-
knowing there are a few things I cant change
-
like the fact I’m not going to UNSW medicine
-
like the fact I can’t do much about certain situations
-

---

-
but God... help me to trust in you.... and commit everything that matters in my life to you....

nothingness

“meaningless! meaningless!“ says the teacher. ”everything is meaningless“ (Ecc 1:2)
-
to many it may be their idea of fun
-
after all being under the influence of CH3CH2OH that allows you to skip the normal mental barriers and stuff seems like something worth doing
-

---

but in retrospect... I conclude this
-
on one hand attempting to drink a lot just for the sake of trying to show off to another person that you can drink is a stupid idea
-
attempting to reduce rationality to a point that you can admit certain emotions and feelings to another person is even stupider
-
but the point is this... I realise very simply
-
at the root of it all... in a state when everything is in a blur
-
I found myself thinking of 2 things...

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-
in my life
-
there are only 2 things that really matter to me
-
God
-
and someone else... whom I probably have to let go soon...
-
I remember being pushed off.... so I guess it doesn’t matter...
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sigh...

Humility

One aspect about the ministry of Jesus is this, while He was on earth, He never went about declaring that He was a King.
He was a humble servant leader, who could approach John the Baptist to be baptised... who could wash his disciple’s feet like a servant

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in the same way

in church ministry

even if I know I’m good at something

and I know how to do it right

head knowledge wise

it still means I need to learn to submit to the decisions of others whom I may view as less effective

it still means even if I’ve been a mentor and leader in ministry elsewhere

I still need to start from ground zero, and cannot carry over my experiences like a CV

I still need to place myself under the mentorship of other people even if I feel that I am capable of mentoring other people as well...

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I wonder, how does that translate when I assume the job of youth intern in church? When I need to lead and plan a number of programmes?

Does it translate to people putting trust and credibility in me simply because I’ve been given the responsibility and mandate?

which is why... it is so difficult when one transits from being a leader in another ministry before moving on to the next season that God’s calls ....

Curriculum vitae

Sometimes I wonder if I was do what paul calls foolish boasting(2 Cor 11)...

but anyway disclaimer... I shall allow myself to ‘secularise’ my service to God for this blog post...
at no point of time should that reflect the view of a humble christian (:

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Name: Emil Ng
Date of salvation: Apr 2002

Ministry experience:
Experienced worship leader who has led worship in countless different occasions since October 2005. Lead in both band and solo settings, also in impromptu and prepared settings. Provided daily worship services for morning school revival ministry for 2 years. Lead with various instruments, including guitar, electric, keyboard, and no instrument. Led various prayer meetings and groups in worship, both locally and overseas.

Did various mission trips to Thailand where I gave classes to thai children as well as organised various outreach programmes

Boys’ Brigade Officer and student leader who mentored and guided various youth in their christian walk.

Bible knowledge:
Attended alpha course in Jan 2005. Read the whole bible once through following that around december. Underwent intensive BB bible study programme with in-depth book study of the word since 2007.

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its easy for me to say:
“I probably might have ‘more bible knowledge’, ‘more experience in worship ministry(not in regard to technical skill)’ than a number of people who serve in church as leaders”

But thats never the point of christian ministry... the point of christian ministry is to have a humble and contrite heart, willing to serve where God calls you, willing to submit to authority (which include leaders in church).

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But I begin to wonder, if so, what if I want to contribute positively to the growth of a ministry directly...

God I am willing... send me... if it is Your will...

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being allowed by Glenn to lead was something... I thought it would be a step in fulfilling my calling as a worship leader
(which I told the ministry leader many time long ago, but no action)
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I decided to work with Grace Star... I saw the need, and I was willing to do anything... even if it meant doing something which not many of the other leaders and musicians I know would not be willing to do...
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well, see how... In Your time...

Worship

Romans 12:1-2(ESV)
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Isaiah 58:6-7 (ESV)
"Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

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These 2 passages dawned upon me, as I sat there, waiting at the bus stop for 961

A man came stumbling to the bus stop. He wore no shoes or sandals on his feet. He had a deranged look on his face... everyone around shunned him

He started picking dead leaves from the floor....

I sat there... wondering what I could do for this man...

He stood at the edge of the road.... then he walked on it and towards the traffic

I called out... he looked at me... I beckoned him to step back on the pavement

I asked him where he was going... he mumbled unintelligible words...

‘Do you speak english’ I asked.... more unintelligible words...

.... then 961 arrived. I boarded, and left this man behind...

I began to wonder if I should have brought him to a police post or something so someone could take care of him...

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Many times we worship from an area of comfort, an area of security...

what do we sacrifice when we simply go to church on a sunday morning, lift up songs... and simply go away after that?

isn’t worship about our lives? about how we can live for Him,

about how we can obey Him when it is difficult?

about how we can give up our rights for the sake of our brother or sister?

about how we should actively choose to honour our parents even when its hard?

about how we should surrender our lives to Him and obey him, even if it means giving up on what we hold dear in our lives?

about changing the world around us? and showing His love

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I, as a mere person alone,
am not ready to lead worship...

I can only let God use me...
and I can only depend and rely on His strength...

otherwise I’ll simply be going through the motions

and thus not be anything more than ‘resounding gong or a clanging cymbal’(1 Cor 13:)
because without love, without God empowering us, our service to Him is nothing...

Theology

This week...

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Ps Leow’s sharing with the youth:
Theology is more defined by understanding through faith,
we can only go so far with logically reasoning, but we need God in order to take that step into believing

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Matthew:
we know that God is a God of love and all that, but many times we forget that God is more than that... God is also a God who is all-powerful...

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Glenn - on romans 8:
“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.”

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Ps Andy - on 1 Samuel:
Both Saul and David had barriers and obstacles to overcome... but the difference was in their attitude towards God... Saul was still concerned about himself, even after he was rebuked by Samuel. David however was said to be a man after God’s heart

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despite all that has happened thus far, disappointments and such
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I know God has a plan and purpose for my life on earth
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help me have faith God....

The Over Rated Day*

when you finally cross over to the other side of freedom that everyone was talking about

you realise its no big deal...

what might have been better would be spending my first dinner with a pink IC

the same way I spent my first book out from tekong

rather than just sitting around superdog in vivo and eating alone...

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I thank God for how He’s brought me through these 2 years

the ups and downs

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honestly speaking

I wonder if the truth would make any difference at all...

if I said to myself I wanted to come out clean before uni

and move on...

even if it meant that much to me...

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medicine, not in NUS, not in UNSW, then in where?

or something else?

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*title courtesy of stephanus - from FB