emo land or lala land

emo land or lala land

-

emo land (depression and disillusionment)

lala .land (delusion and delirious)

-

dunno which is better

-

although the latter is so much more tempting... escapism...

-

"you better wake up from your lala land"

that eventually has to come though...

---

whine... to get emotional support?

-

ah well

I need someone like tim unfortunately

-

or I'm going fall so bad

-

boo

-

---

wish I could join you all for LDC...

Bleah

apparently I don't have a choice

poo

-

sighz

making the same mistakes over and over...

-

why am I doing this anyway?

><

Love lead Me On

Love Lead me On - The Afters

Someday I'm gonna go out to the country
I'll drive till the highway ends
Chasing after picture perfect sunsets
To take away my breath
I'm tired of living in the city
The world's got me tied on a string
Wanderlust has overcome me
Like Lewis and Clark I'll dream

There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home

Chorus
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on

The open road can be so lonely
I'm longing for someone to love
If only I could share my new surroundings
Open the doors above

There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home

Chorus
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on

Faith keep me strong
Love lead me home

---

A nice song nevertheless...

-

whatever John Tay

-

I supposed something is wrong that I know that Amanda takes Econs SL not Geog? when asked by Zhuo Er?

-

lol

-

oh no

I know John Tay takes HL business

-

oh no

I know Evelyn takes French ab

-

Oh no

I know Tessa takes Bio SL

-

oh no

I know Petrina takes Physics HL

-

oh no

I know Lee Min takes Business SL HL(opps)

-

big deal... pff

---

LDC... hmm

we'll see

should I go in spite of the work I need to do?

Always...

Verse 1:
Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might
Know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked
With my maker's fingerprints?

PreChorus:
Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You

Chorus:
'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Verse 2:
Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You
Capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives
To glorify one name?

---

I wonder

-

Quotes:

-

"I used to, now I don't... I'm being honest"

"trying to get over it is not wrong"

*do i even need to get over anything... that what was part of me will be forever buried, suppressed and gone... always...

-

"knowing ... i don't think its possible"

*let it be... knowing all things are possible in Him... where ever he leads... following Him ... always...

-

"to pick up ... to throw away a... to not cling on ..."

"do you think he's changed"

*can a trial pull one down? God wont let us be tested beyond what we can bear... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose(Romans 8:28)... always...

-

---

"do your QT"

"God will make a way"

*ha ha... i need to rely on Him, to seek Him ... always...

and He will take care =)

Look at me and tell me honestly...

sighz...

-

CH NG(both of them)

-

i dunno why

-

but it doesn't help... ...

Day 5 - Log

One of my favourite psalms

I guess I have not been doing my QT as well as i should be

oh well...

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

 1 O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.

 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 10 even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

 13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

 18 Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

 19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
       Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

 20 They speak of you with evil intent;
       your adversaries misuse your name.

 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
       and abhor those who rise up against you?

 22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
       I count them my enemies.

 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.

Vivo City

Church Today,  that same old familiar picture

and Pastor Seet actually agrees with my idealistic ideas about flaws being the true beauty
-

and the idea of timing... lol:

you might find the correct person, but he or she might still be 'under construction', 

-

---

hmm stuck in vivo city from 2pm- 8pm , doing the most fun activity in the world... SHOPPING =)

-

haha

-

saw quite a number of weird things today

-

First stop: Digital Life (Mac Shop), tried out the new Peryn Macbook Pro with  multitouch Track pad.

its uber neat... esp the zoom fuction

-

Second stop: Challenger

saw a few things that caught my eye:

1. Apparently we have a NEW SI unit modifier, the "Maga" 

wonder if that has anything to do with manga

-

2. and saw this really Tiny laptop... almost a rip off the Macbook Air.... no CD drive: Ultra light:

-

me:" Isn't it like the Macbook Air?"

Salesperson: "but cheaper"

-

Pictures:

Front View

Front View With Hand to show actual size

Back view, note that the signboard with the specs is bigger than the laptop itself, its almost as small as a portable DVD player:

it even has a 'multitouch' trackpad... total rip off sia:

and at a measly price of 798 who wants to get a Macbook Air?, on closer inspection of the specs, it isnt exactly your Macbook Air...:

erm... what can you do with 12 GB of Flash HD? 

and a lousy Celeron at 1.1Ghz??

-

not surprising they only loaded XP in it... even Vista starter might have blown its CPU into bits

---

and I went to PageOne after that, saw quite a few erm... 'interesting' things around near the "religion" section:

-

Since when was the gospel of John a "Gnostic Gospel"? a pity the Page One people chucked it together with all the heretical books:

Hmm I don't think Dawkins likes Religion

And placed in a very prominent shelf nearby in all its glory:

Surprisingly I couldn't find the New York Times Best Seller by Osteen anywhere, not in religion, not under self-help, apparently Page One didn't want us to have '(Y)our Best Life Now'

-

---

meeting with Charles after that, and getting lectured...

heh

I do understand what Malcolm had meant the other time... but underneath the perhaps condescending attitude... there is genuine concern... and I'm thankful for it.

-

He thinks he know more than he does... oh well maybe its a good thing

-

The fact that recent posts nowadays do not refer to someone he kept mentioning...  

heh ... he's as bad as Chng and John Tay sometimes... making fun of old stuff...

-

although... Chng... might or might not know...

-

ah well

-

a simplicity is better than overt intellectualism... I remember Mr J Ng once told me in Sec 3:

"You lack the simple faith"

-

and maybe I've found some part of it... just a bit... a mystery i still have yet to grasp... to build the foundation of faith not based on books, complicated theology, but just a simple trusting faith

-

---

and we go off eating, shopping with mum, sis, aunt, cousin

-

heh double standards... mum doesn't like it when i browse and look and see and try(the proper way to shop) but she can do all she wants in that.

-

why do girls have so many different kinds of shoes? it makes shopping for them more troublesome

-

but eitherways, after that i bought something i was eying at for some time... a Macbook Pro Black Crystal casing from Digital Lifestyle =):

-

It looks Really really Nice... sleek shiny and gorgeous, a perfect dress for my baby =)(my wife would be my Taylor 314ce =p )

-

haha

oh well

tmr shall being the Disgusting napfa training regime, IA regime and study regime

-

Poo

i see my holidays flashing away before me...

Day 4 - Log

1 Corinthians 13

Love

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
-

came home after 1030 today... so again missed that nice time

bleah

Ubin Episode 3

some random comments Chng makes... 

doesn't help much

-

feeling left out...  again...

-

ah well

-

and somehow it seems that... a matter of it all

i just want to move on

-

that's all

-

---

i want to murder S Neoh

it isnt nice at all

-

and subtle jokes about a door knob which I DIDNT  BREAK DON'T HELP AT ALL

-

grr...

-

---

I want escape ... why...

-

and... I always wondered... if... but...

-

it doesn't matter does it? fly away...fly far far away ...

-

wow... wonderful that Emil has so much rubbish to content with, Work, IA, and still has to put on this fantastic plastic smile and mannerisms(irritating they may be)? and now Napfa (PES B poo) 

-

the idea of NS sucks

---

the world is too harsh a place...

-

Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani?

Day 3 - Log

ahh well

i forgot

sian

anyway

so many things on my mind ... boo

-

---

Psalm 34:18 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

-

saw this on Feli's blog a long time ago

-

---

anyway

sighz

there just so many things on my mind... crushed spirit 

- 

but He is near

and He knows

-

---

"... somehow God always makes everything work out..."

-

give me faith to believe that Lord, and trust in You in everything

Safari Developer Menu

Something that is worth posting anyway:

As a mac user its really really REALLY annoying when you come across some random website on Safari which says something along these lines:

-

"'Your web browser is out of date/not supported/etc." 

You need to be running the latest version of Internet explorer/Firefox blah blah blah

-

One can note that Safari, which uses Webkit as a layout engine, is more or less WC3 compliant. 

-

compared to Trident(the MSIE one)which actually doesnt really care about WC3

-

Gecko(Firefox) is relatively okay and most webpages are designed for both Trident and Gecko layouts.

-

anyway after trying this hack you can "pretend" to be MSIE or Firefox (so the websites dont make noise)

-

1. Quit safari (Cmd +Q)

2. Run Terminal(use spotlight to find it, or navigate to /Applications/Utilities/ )

3. Type this code:

defaults write com.apple.Safari IncludeDebugMenu 1

4. Press enter, Restart Safari

-

you should See a nice new menu called 'Develop'

has a lot of nice features:

but this one in particular is handy:

-

now you don't have to switch to another browser just because some website doesn't like Safari

-

simply fool the site into thinking Safari is Firefox(I dont recommend fooling the site to think Safari is MSIE, you'll end up with a lot of problems, like ActiveX controls and other nonsense)

-

and it should do the trick

-

*note that some sites still will not work with Webkit... unfortunately... 

in that case the "open page with:" command works quite well, just use some other browser like Camino.

Day 2 - Log

Romans 12:9-12
⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Voyeurism

***Removed***

apologises to the person in question... it's not very nice to post stuff like that...

-

-

making fun of Lee Min is fun though

haha

Lua made my day... 'E' 'N' indeed

-

was rather well... i dunno

heh

I remember WoW last year

the thoughts feelings and emotions

-

and they just seem  so familiar

yet so distant...

-

Day 1 - Log

I shall log the impressions at 10 pm for the next few days in here.

Impressions 
Isaiah 40

1 Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins.

3 A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD  ;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.

4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.

7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.

8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."

9 You who bring good tidings to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
"Here is your God!"

10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.

17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.

18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?

19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.

20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

who CAS about AEFs?

60 Creativity

72 Action

85 Service

- 

From BB ALONE

-

I haven't even factored in Choir CAS or WoW, or any of the weird random CAS stuff I did

poo

I have to write 7 AEFs and 1 SFZ

-

I shall

Procrastinate

poo

-

---

fleeting... indeed...

like some sort of weird smile is permanently stuck on my face although something winces in pain

-

embarrassment and laughter... =.=

-

---

Mdm Yong Lee Har (lol I seem to be always referring to her), with regard to a certain person...

hard to tell what people are like

-

people have 2 sides

the side they want people to see, a multi-facetted side which morphs and shape-shifts to blend with the environment,

and their true nature... the depraved inherently evil being full of sinful thoughts

-

and only God, can work within this inner nature , to fill it with the Holy Spirit, that we can be clean and made righteous by God

...

---

-

and a Dr Lee Li Eng Speaker of the Year again - Eng Hao was damn pro - Zhen Xi indeed 

and... ...

ah well.....

><

---

"let the dead bury the dead" (Jesus in Matt 8 :22, on following Him)

-

Cross reference: Luke 9:57-60

-

heh it isn't easy following Him, to put Him first, give up everything,

-

I'm tempted to give a discussion on the significance and context of this passage, but this website should suffice,¹ 

-

_{1.Note that this was found after a random google search and after reading it myself... I do not necessarily endorse any other material on that site though, as I haven't really taken a good read...}

-

---

"blow wind blow... crack your cheeks, ... drown the cocks..." (King Lear in ... erm... King Lear?)

Finding joy

to look in the right places...

-

oh well

-

hmm

-

fleeting moments =)

-

gone in a whisper =(

-

find Joy in the right places... find Joy in serving Him, in in abiding in His love

-

and in serving others, and loving others

-

help me find true joy, through the storms, through the trials

-

---

i always wonder, tis it strange

-

i titled a post 'joy... personal'

(search my blog: Feb 07 if you want)

and ah well... on of the lowest point of my emotional life so far

-

i always wonder... ah well...

-

FOCUS CAMP

-

focus on work Emil...

and getting this darn IB out of the way

and replacing those wonderful 2 letters with... ... NS

boo...

In Christ Alone

Verse 1:
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song,
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Verse 2:
In Christ alone! - Who took on flesh,
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid:
Here in the death of Christ I live.

Verse 3:
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain,
Then bursting forth in glorious Day,
Up from the grave He rose a - gain!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Chorus:
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other Ground is sinking sand

Verse 4:
No guilt in life no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me,
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my des - ti - ny.
No power of hell no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand,
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!

---

heh
oh well
-
was reading the FireAC blog
Kenneth has a nice post about Christian Service
-

versus

I've seen this diagram too many times
but haha
oh well
-

Shape of my heart

Baby, please try to forgive me

Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become, oh yeah
-
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
-
Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become
-
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
-
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
-
I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
-
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
-
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

---

a nice song at any rate

haha

-

had to embed from a chinese website because youtube didn't like me embeding their's

-

kudos to fab for showing me this song during founders stay over

didnt really like BSB a lot then, and only like a few of their songs even now

-

i need to do my work

-

boohoo

focus on God

focus on Work

and run the race that's set before me

haiz

-

"I'm tied to the stake

I must stand the course" - Gloucester in King Lear

Service

to be faithful in His service

-

regardless of the blessings or darkness be it in everything

-

trusting that He will take care

-

---

But Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...

and all these things will be given to you as well...(Matt 6:33)

-

contextualising  it all

-

Tim once put it this way

-

if we seek God first, our desires will align with His and He will give

-

but again

-

I read yet again the context

-

bread, clothes... 

-

our needs, physical, emotional, spiritual

-

if we seek Him First, put him above all these

-

He will provide

-

---

I dunno, I really wish I wouldn't feel this way, after all its best to concentrate upon 'studies' and let it be

-

but yeah

-

I wonder if i asked God to really just make things clear

-

would i be able to take 'no' for an answer

-

or if its a yes... would I be able to trust that its a 'yes' in His time, although everything seems to point away as such

-

heh

-

'wait', the most disgusting answer to get...

-

hmm

it seems 

"up to You"... whats that anyway?

-

oh well

---

Freely given

extravagant
love 

indeed

-

God's love

offered to all 

hence all may come to Him having been bought by Christ

-

---

haiz

-

would You surround me

and wipe my tears and fears away

show me Your way

-

Lord give me strength to live for You

and Glorify Your name

real, simple, complex, imaginary, iota

reality:

its hard to grasp at times

when you realise

the truth...

the 'real-ness' of what is around us all the time...

the true falsehood behind it

the only reality only constant

the God who made reality

-

simplicity

the love of God....

'God loves you'

no strings attached

nothing you can do

can make Him love you more

nothing that You've done

can make Him close the door...

-

complexity

we make out the simplest things

to be more than they actually are

a simple smile

a simple laugh

a simple statement

complicated implications

complicated human 'love' 

-

imaginary

I though you liked me

yet you don't

I dreamt about this

but it was all a dream

I thought God willed it so

but it was just the thoughts of man

reconsider reality over dreams.

-

iota

9th letter in the Greek alphabet

an imaginary number

not an iota of difference

would it make

if what i see

hurts me

I should just let it be

-

---

Wait for the Lord

Be strong and take heart

Wait for the Lord... (ps 27:14)

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sighs

I wonder

why... whether.... 

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...do you understand 

do you feel the same

am I only dreaming?....

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sorry for the HL MATH references, you can plot my post on an Argan Diagram if you want

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random musings

I'm a little bipolar I think...

Teach us Your ways

Psalms 86:11

Teach me Your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in Your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear Your name.

Consecrate Us:

Copyright: Songs4Him.wordpress.com

2Min 50sec:

catch a smile

I wish I could separate myself away from that part which is still so much a part of me

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the part you know, many call it "love" , but heh

its so difficult to define it anyway? infatuations and love, 

-

for me in the idealist sense, in r/s many a time, one should look for the flaws in a person, be willing to accept it, and make it beautiful... that way it can only become more and more beautiful as one discovers the beauty even more as the r/s progresses... it can only get more beautiful...

-

sadly this is very much not the case... humans to begin with are always emotional creatures to begin with... we chase after the emotional experiences, chase are the emotions after a spiritual high, and not God in the full sense, we chase after.... the emotions in the relationships, crash and burn as we see how things don't work, the other cannot give the emotional support

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I've known you, or maybe I don't... I've seen your flaws and your beauty...  and yet... I know I've to let it be...

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the smiles are so sweet...

yet they like drugs to be abused, they hurt when worn off...

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I have to move on , I cannot be stuck in this cycle...

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ah well...

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God be the focus

after all

God will take care... of everything

and He'll see me through every storm of life 

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in every circumstance, You are still faithful

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heh...

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bleargh

I hate AEFs

have to do a lot of them by next week

boo

ah well , those were the days

Wordpress - plugin lol

Bio class last year

Ruma Banerjee was teaching us about Homeostasis (the Goldilocks Principle, not too hot , not too cold)

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Goldilocks lol 

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was really funny

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recognise Cielito (I'm dying - 00:02:15)

and Evelyn's voices?(the distinct giggles at intervals)

and mine also (if you can recognise it) 

and Tim's comment at the back (oh...)

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Dream a little dream of me

heh

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today was baaad.... decided to sleep first at 9 and wake up later to do work cause i was so tired on Sunday , and ended up oversleeping today

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Saturday - video production/clicking for Youth service, lol met Ng Zhi Guang and Yang Jian's brother(who commented something about me being professional in the way i did stuff lol)

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then rushed over to Zhi Guang's house for PPP(post primers program/potluck)

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DotA-ing until 1140 lol

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went home and SLEPT at 1- 7

woke up for church

clicking/video/lights for first service(nuts sia, running around like a crazy chicken)

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Clicking for second service

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shopping at vivo for a bit

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went home around 6

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dinner

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Ignore the next part if you don't understand it(some technical geek nonsense)

Continued working on the Boot camp set up, Wheew

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Finally settled all the issues, including iTunes library sharing,Windows Media Center syncing(Managed to get all my AAC files to work =) using a combination of Orban/coding technologies aac/aacPlus decoder, and WMP tag support plugin.

Haha about the only thing about windows that actually beats apple front row hands down. 

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WGA activation issues (OEM license ) had some issues due to the crapped up M$ anti-piracy nonsense detected my Bootcamp VM as a different machine, Office 07 (Again the stupid OGA nonsense ,I used up all my licenses already,although my comp crashed so I literally wasted a license =(

(luckily I found a reliable by-pass)

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FYI W/O GA refers to Windows/Office genuine advantage,

And no, it doesn't give you any advantages of that sort,  its just the annoying thing that behaves like spyware and inform MS if you've installed an unauthorised version of Office/ windows, which is quite cocked up, esp if you've reformatted/changed the comp etc. doesnt has a de-authorisation function either, so unlike adobe apps, which you can transfer a license when one changes computer.

Rather than being an anti-piracy measure it is more of an annoyance to all users, software pirates or not, since software pirates can always figure out a bypass method/crack, and legal owners of the licenses get exposed to this kind of crap.

!@#$%  this Genunine (dis)Advantage thing, it only serves to Diss ppl off... in short, GA(h)

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and CS !!! haha

playing CS with a trackpad is fun 

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eitherways it took

1. 24 hour download to get the DVD files from the MS distribution site (since the OEM version I got from my compaq doesn't give one a dvd(only a crapped up Recovery disc chock full of bloat), which was damn annoying, since I couldn't repair my comp myself when the OS got corrupted.

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2. 1 hour compiling it into an install DVD

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3. And another 2 more days of installing and reinstalling vista ( and Boot Camp assistant failed. Had to use disc Utility when booted into DVD to manually create 2 partitions, run the Bootcamp manager in OSX, install Vista , reboot into OSX DVD disc Utility  to create another FAT32 partiton to allow interaction between the vista partition and OSX, which took me a long time to figure out, especially with the number of kernel panics Boot Camp assistant caused, as well as corrupting the HD, so I had to run the a heck lot of fsck-s on my disc to repair it.

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oh yah for those you dont know, fsck stands for File System ChecK, which is the linux/unix of DOS/NT's scan disk check.

not some obscene word. 

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3. and yet another 2 days to set up the programs, including the itunes library syncing, WMC, and all the GA(h) activation crap 

pff, as i type this,  GA complains again

decided to enable graphics acceleration, but GA didn't like it and wanted me to reactivate. tried to internet activate but apparently Vmware tools blocked the activation server. So I had to use phone activation, repeating 9 sets of 6 digits to some retarded auto-answer machine and receive back another 9 sets 

Boo...

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wheew...

not what.. lol 

maybe Ubuntu Linux... but again, don't really see the point, Mac OSX already can do all that linux can do and more

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sorry if you'll not a tech geek, but anyway links are for people interested in doing that, and chancing upon my blog after a random Google search

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---

 

eitherways was really tired, went to sleep until 130, woke up by alarm to do bio prac, but continued sleeping...

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zzz had another weird dream.... this time in the choir room(it looked like the KBL?) and apparently there was some random BB HQ event(in the KBL???!?), there was something to do with A.E.F., and bleah. I guess it was after the Zhi Guang house thing that lead me to thing about such stuff, but haiz....

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"where is Jalan Naga Sari?"(me)

checks road directory finds it,

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"Vanda Road...,"(Mum) ( just before we turn into the Jalan Naga Sari road)

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eh... seesh lah grrr... dunno why my mum has the knack of saying weird things in the middle of nowhere that actually have a connotation or link within it... like saying someone's name when she joked to me about some r/s stuff the other time.(and I happened to be thinking about the same it at that moment of time.

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hmm what if ... , considering how a lot of people actually read my blog (evident form the bio class incident which i will mention further down)

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nmind lah.. its just i need a bit of time to put to death that part of me... yeah... i really dunno how to say it... its just... well... if its the right and best choice, I'll just swallow the bitter pill and move on...

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it was a nice dream, but the kind of dream that makes one sad after one wakes up.... haiz

along with being stressed out because i was LATE

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wish... i dunno maybe its me, or is it i never get to talk with the people i want to talk to now a-days? would like to make a comment about stuff, but nmind i guess... too troublesome to PW protect a post like this 

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was late, but i managed to bypass prefects and councillors to my locker, dump my bag there, and go to the audi without being stopped.

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sitting between Chin Seow Moy and Shawn Wong, around near Petrina

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dunno lah...

i remember Zhe Xian's comment sometime ago... and my response to him

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then we have SL1 geog, and Bio lesson

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"eh Emil do you have a blog?"(Mdm Yong)

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"er yah"(me)

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*the whole class sniggers(evident that something is wrong with the public-ness of my blog)

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"I didn't write anything offensive"(me)

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"no lah I was just a little bit surprised to see something about Evelyn and me, nothing offensive"(Mdm Yong)

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she was probably referring to this post.

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lol

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rugby finals A div

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some siao Fat guy messing around

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playing MAME with Martin behind a "our glorious dead" war memorial instead of cheering

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laugh and smile 

weep and frown

thorns and crowns

silence and sound

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 in all... God can be found

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MRT ride back with john , Petrina, Amanda

(decided not to take bus in the end)

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John you're a retard...

nice "I though you knew already?"

I wasn't supposed to know anyway, it was more of a "rumour" kind of thing which i picked up

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oh well

really long post

hope you don't get bored with my raving and ranting.

Thoughts

- password linked post(to be written)

-edit, decided not to.... but it has something to do with what people write

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Fool Again - Westlife

Baby, I know the story,
I've seen the picture,
it's written all over your face
Tell me, what's the secret that you've been hiding?
And who's gonna take my place?
I should have seen it coming,
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over
-
Chorus:
Can't believe that I'm a fool again
I thought this love would never end,
how was I to know?
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm a fool again,
and I who thought you were my friend,
how was I to know?
You never told me
-
Baby, you should've called me,
when you were lonely,
when you needed me to be there
Sadly, you never gave me
too many chances to show you
how much I care
Ooh, should have seen it coming,
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over

Chorus:
Can't believe that I'm a fool again
I thought this love would never end,
how was I to know?
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm a fool again,
and I who thought you were my friend,
how was I to know?

Bridge

You never told me

About the pain and the tears
Ooh, If I could,
I would, turn back the time
Ooh yeah I should have seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway, I guess it's over

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somethings are simply not worth the pain...

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heh

-

I seen it, people, christians/non-christians alike, rush unto things... when they're not ready...

-

we make mistakes, yet its better to learn from others...

-

A close friend of mine once said:

"I questioned that before, whether its possible to have both God and girl ... ... realised you can't have both... without compromise..."

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God is enough, God will provide, =) someday we'll find it... in His time

-

haha

the right thing to do...

it to focus on God... chase after Him

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Ecclesiastes 12:2

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth...before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"-

---

heh

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Human subjects for a biology experiment:

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myself

Cielito

Benlee

Mdm Rena

Mdm Yong

-

anyone one else care to volunteer? Y5s can kope this for a EE if you want

-

"Dont need to worry lah ... think there are some some who might like you..."(Mdm Yong)

-

really? that was after I made a comment about rather not get married than get married to a "Vietnamese bride"... she was talking about going to somebody's wedding... "Singaporean girls are too picky" lol

-

heh it may sound like I'm being discriminatory... but I will not trade the gift of singlehood for something less than worthy...

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and it'll be hard , unless the person has been through life the way you've done, and know the stuff one talks about.

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it could be so beautiful... but it can turn so ugly too... i seen it all... broken families... broken homes...

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ah well

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just my thoughts...

Tequila samba

choir yesterday... was rather tired out... a bit of a headache at anyrate... sectionals

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but heh... was fun nonetheless

-

we plays some really lame defrosting games, haha that certainly cheered me up a bit

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the eye contact game lol, the weird action game

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"dont tilt you head"

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lol

ah well

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"prick their conscience"

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Lol according to Janice... something must have pricked my conscience to come back to choir...

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haha... yet

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let it be I guess...

-

---

I wonder why i did join back... even after so much... and so little...

-

I guess its fine... I do get to talk to Sze Jet, Levin, Martin, amongst other people...  

-

but ah well

-

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the complexities of human emotion

-

it is very possible to feel many things at the same time... and it adds to the confusion..

-

its possible to feel elated yet depressed, happy yet sad, extroverted yet lonely...

-

and tired, sian, yet enthusiastic

-

oh well...

Ecclesiastes

It seems

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so much

-

that life so often seems to be based upon meaningless pursuit

-

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Computer Gaming... initially was that, DotA, CS, CnC, – meaningless, yet still played, for a lack of a better way to waste time

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then... IB came along

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(moderated - Password protected)

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heh

been picking up that old habit again....

gaming....

a form of escapism

-

or maybe

I should follow Tim

and drown myself in the everlasting sea of IB work

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Isaiah 55(NIV)

Invitation to the Thirsty

(1)"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
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(2) Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
-
life is meaningless... only He can satisfy, Love....

-

oh well...

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Open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Dance over me, Sing all around

Amazed

-
Verse 1:
You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
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Chorus:
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
-
Verse 2:
You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand
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Bridge:
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

---

an amazingly simple song

-

and an image , that brings to mind so much, of how time has flied and gone...

-

ah well...

Procrastinate

heh

-

I dunno why I always end up doing that 

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WL

-

to Do or not to do finish

-

ideas in my head

-

essay already is there

just need to do it

-

but too tired lah....

tmr recess maybe

-

500/1500 words

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bleah

I hate work

-

Isaiah 55

A timely reminder:
-
Isaiah 55(NIV)

Invitation to the Thirsty

(1)"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
-
(2) Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
-
(3) Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
-
(4) See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
-
(5) Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
-
(6) Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
-
(7) Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
-
(8) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
-
(9) "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
-
(10) As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
-
(11) so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
-
(12) You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
-
(13) Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
-

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I remember

after the 'yoga' which i declined Karen Dorton:

"why not , you can discover yourself"

-

I saw this

the living waters bible,

flipped open to Issaiah 55.

-

i dunno what some words mean

esp when I realise I've been keeping tabs on ppls msn nicks too much, a really handy feature of msgpluslive

-

-

yet many a time

I remind myself, msn PMs dont mean a thing, I still remember a number of convos with Petrina before I decided to put behind the earlier stuff, heh, good advice nonetheless.

-

oh well