Malthus vs Baserup

Geography
Malthus vs Baserup Pessimist vs optimist
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while been leaning more to the left... a sad emotional person who doesn't know what to do and what he wants
why am I so afraid, If God is for me , who can be against me?
why do I feel so useless and pathetic ?
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is being optimistic a "false hope"
hope is the beginnings of disappointment
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A former optimist i was
till the ravages of life it toss
and shaken the life of mine
all my past failures all in line
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yet it also is the beginnings of something joyful and new
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So take me as you find me
All my fears and failure
Fill my life again
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Lord speak to me, be more real to me, I want hear Your voice, Your clear direction,
"the LORD your God is with you,
He is Mighty to Save"
(Zephaniah 3:17a)"
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"my god is mighty to save"
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that was quite a long time ago.... waay baack in Maarch
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yet... as the long road from B.G. to MG, the road as I visualise an XL and Tim Lim walking down... a long lonely road for them... a crushing pain...
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while the times when I wonder, was it part of God's plan, how can it be? I dont know
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while sometimes.... if life really is defined as red,green,gray,black
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what am I
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red- Passionate
green- Growth
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Gray- lukewarm
Black- Darkness
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or a gray chair painted red?
half of me strongly desires to see God move
yet the other side, the side few people have seen, and emotional side often seen in my posts
trapped in my own emotions
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the passion was there in January, and dissipated in Feb
yet my struggle then, "worship sessions without a heart"
and relying on my own strength more than God's
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and Lord did you do that just to force me to realise how weak I am, that I am nothing without You?
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even as Bs today, Charles Ng quoting a negative example, a friend mentioning how his gf made him draw closer to God, utter rubbish...(the friend, not what Charles said)
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yet Primer rule 2, → BGRs are bad,
Quote:
... they pull you away from God, they hardly ever work out and you waste the best years of your life which should be spent on drawing closer to God....
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yet Tim phrased it better, choice of 2 struggles
1. To be or not to be
2. God first or other first(balancing time)
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I dont know what I want
and I'm too afraid to move.
It's easier to just hear a "No"
then a "Go ahead if you want, I will take care"
is that really Your Voice? Your Will?
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or is it what i really want that's all,... not what He wants.
yet a reasking yields the same answer.
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Yet why?
To see someone grow up in Christ(the way I want to see the juniors and both BB And Choir do)
To love and protect from the snares of this world
Not about some instant self-gratification thing? If it is I dont want it, not at all.
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Its not about me.... yet it also isnt about the other, its all about You Jesus.
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"Just commit all to God"
yet I wonder whether God gets tired of me nagging.
and I also need to pray for revival , for FireAC, and not keep dwelling on my emotions.
that he has taken care so far... to help me reduce the pain and confusion, and give me moments of joy and times of refreshing.
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The end of all things is Your Glory, not my happiness though
Glorify You with my life
May the lamb of God receive the reward of His Suffering.