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As the long draggy holidays draw to a close....
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throughout the month
As the mental image of someone pops up, I push it away to the back of my mind, determined to swallow all the (g)Reece(cy) Campbell Bio (soup), and Stupid Painful Depressing Freaky(s.p.d.f) Chem, and populate my mind with (Geog) facts.(sorry for the bad puns)
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however while this tactic may work, alone with telling myself that God will take care
Apparently the back of my mind likes to get pushed out in my sleep.
Either in the form of a nightmare in which I wake up thankful that it was only a dream...
or a dream in which seems so real... ... so wonderful ... ... than I wake up ... ... depressed.
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On the bright side I haven't got exam nightmares yet, like before Os and Prelims last year. I suppose thats due to the fact that its not yet a MAJOR exam as of yet
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maybe thats why i'm so tired... as my mind trys to take a rest from studying I get plagued with other thoughts.
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While sometimes I wish i could just limit my blog to my close friends, what with random strangers like that "thai" guy. And I wonder what the ppl that dont like me would say... and everything ... why is the world so spiteful sometimes , with backstabbing... and other stuff
yet I need to write out my feelings and emotions..... besides the fact that my blog is also my spiritual diary in a sense
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while XL is right... people do read my blog... a blog is meant to be read... ...
the stuff below are quite personal... ...
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Thinking back
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Jan (W3?)- Bio class, remember little things like, one time the classroom was locked and Ruma was late , when somehow the topic outside the classroom got shifted to some warped conversation on 69... and Cielo was getting over excited about it...
Someone innocently asks(directed to tim if i'm not wrong but my memory is a little vague):
"What is 69?"
"You dont want to know..... nmind its 70 minus 1"(me)
"thats a nice way to put it *chuckles*" (Cielo)
Tim was half amused, I was too... wishing I could be as innocent as that too (ignorance is bliss in such matters)
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Jan (W4) remember a hi, and I daoed.... didnt really know her very well yet, yah I dao ppl I like, or rather I used to do that, until i know the person better.
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3rd Feb she pops by/joins BB, after lunch we were having a prayer meeting reguarding Primers vision.
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10 Feb I was away from BB in choir camp... Heard that the primers couldnt conduct a prayer meeting properly, spiritual attack of some sort
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12-16 Feb Right, whats with coming so early, even earlier than me , telling me that you come to do QT, and than when XL comes, ok... ... right...(jealousy starts coming in)
And following him even after school?
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Yet even as I tried to quel the emotions... ... I noticed XL, and he was... confused... ... I finally managed to chain down my emotions....
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13 or 15 Feb? Sec4 Indian guy... comes in also... and talks to you even though you dont know him?
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(sian sian sian this part really sucks)
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15 Feb what with Sam Yong noticing them also, and mentioning primer rule 2.....
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(right this must be the worst week of my life)
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16 Feb Prayer meeting with Wesley, Tim Lim, Kenneth, Alex lua , XL & her. Before that I was talking to Tim about how I felt. Penned down Come and Heal our land with him before that, while Kennth and Wesley where talking to XL and her. During the prayer meeting... somehow .... she was touched by God and crying. Went out to eat at dover after that. when tim or somebody else was asking what God touched her about... she mentioned her father passing away last year of cancer.
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As I realised... wasnt that almost similar to me? my father was down with Cancer during my PSLE , and passed away in sec 1 in Feburary, almost exactly 4 years ago at that time
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at around 10 pm at that day I wrote the post entitled "Joy... Personal" the start of the posts that did not contain the tag "Random Dumb Stuff"... ... reliving it is painful.
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17 Feb Kenneth reads that post
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18-19 Feb? XL finds out also
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21 Feb Wesley finds out
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A painful memory... ... and something that really dragged me down a lot.... why? why?
March-April-May
Nothing much happened, except after sometime(around early april) XL stopped talking to her and vice versa ... I suspected something but I dared not to believe. XL now in my Geog and EL A1 classes.
And she suddenly becomes ridicculusly friendly to me?...
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dispite what Wesley says "sorry to spoil your fun but shes is very friendly"
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Right...
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offering to lend me her bbpolo T shirt when my shirt got wet during the dry run of enrollment serive games
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Saying "hello Emil" while falling in before Primer Rod Parade next to me? Dari ke naan Bedua Pi Lang dressing according to height.. short ppl in the middle ... ... resulted in that.
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A smile and an enthusiatic wave...
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And other "hi emil" incidents upon eye contact. And I turned off my firewall... no more daoing, following what tim suggested on the 16 feb friday ... ... yet dont really know what to say
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Koinonia
Swinging around madly after the whole thing lol... that was a nice memory
but using handphone in the middle of a prayer meeting in the classroom isnt exactly right...
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And yet there are incidents of swanning and daoing... in which i get "inspiration" for my nightmares.
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which lead to ... confusion.... a lot of it.
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and she continues to come early for FireAC, the Indian sec 4 being way too friendly for my liking... ... even to the extent of walking over to her after assembly... ... ok...
than there was a period she didnt come... and I couldnt come because of choir... lol...
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at the airport at WoW , while I was going back with my mum after the trip... and I saw her.. and she saw me , gave a wave and smile again. I hesisitated before returning it... and my mum asked "why so shy?"
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Late May/June
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LDC Adv party
Charles Ng told us to clear up stuff among one another
XL clears up stuff, & comfirms that suspicion... ... I didnt bother to probe about it... as I was scared , digging up details about it probally is painful for him eitherway...
walking down the sec 1 level... towards the admin room... and I notice her and XL talking probally clearing up stuff too
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LDC/Hike
dunno who did the groupings... but I had to end up in the same group...
some incidents of daoing and swanning... and coupled with other things. Sacrificing a milo peng ... prayer room... ...
nothing much else
As the exams loom closer
I dunno, looking forward to the end of the longest most "sian" holidays I ever had
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While for FireAC
While for FireAC
Looks like its time we started to get fired up again... let Him take care of the exams and the other stuff.
"I will take care"
And Fab is back =)
RARRR
FLAME ON FOR CHRIST
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