want a seat?

"Emil you want?"

-

heh

haha

that always happens...

-

but it was a nice ride on 74 all the same,  a nice chat with bryan and russ see

---

-

heh... sweetness

-

yet sometimes there is bitterness

-

haha... a lot of nice things are like that... the best chocolate is bittersweet, the sweet triumph of good grades come from hours of bitter study

-

and maybe... I'll just let it be... be happy when the time comes... be sad sometimes... yet always remember... God is always there... the peace that surpasses all understanding

-

haha...

-

hmm yet I wonder.. whether et is okay , sitting alone in corner of the room... 

-

heh

and chng and tim

-

and more... i guess.... but

-

everything is gonna be alright....

every little thing is gonna be alright....

Connections

hmm

I wonder... passing remarks from twf... I mean... why, is it that it happens that way so many times... i mean... I could merely say a few conincidences, and stuff, not make it such a big deal

-

yet too many conincidences are annoying

-

---

... ...you'll make a good ...friend... 

-

yeah Tim you'll make one.... definately...

-

E.T.... I wonder... I guess, perhaps, something is troubling you...  its makes me wonder....

so much for hearing from choir people about stuff... its weird, I mean... to see you walking pass alone... opposite the busstop, absent from choir.

-

I guess, if you look through all the facades people put on, you see a lot of stuff... lonely people, insecure  people, emotionally scarred people. 

-

and love them like Jesus did, and show them, the love and hope He can give

-

I guess... for E.T.  I guess... maybe I'm a bit loud, a bit insensitive sometimes...

-

but I wish you would just be okay with that.... i dunno, find that joy , that peace in Jesus, remember khon kaen, remember not only the kids, but remember God above all

-

---

ebola, AIDS,Hephatitis, Malaria,

-

pathogenicity

an interesting topic for Bio

yet... i really dont know, is there a point knowing so much about stuff like that... 

-

heh... lol... something to add on to Tay Saches Disease.... Lyme disease

-

I wonder... someday we'll find it... the connection... dreams, beliefs.... a muppet movie

-

a song... i wont say much more

-

a rainbow, a sign of hope, a sign of God's faithfulness... perhaps, and again we never know

-

the rains came pouring down, 

... ...will there be a rainbow tommorow?

Adieus

the events of a day.....

they seem to pass so fast away...

leaving nothing much to say....

-

-

"why so few girls today"

"where is she"  he says

"where is petrina" me says

"i dunno" he says

-

-

"why are you late" he says

"charles email said 830" she says

"charles ... like this cannot do anything"  he says

-

-

 "dont keeping marking me" she says

but hey...

so much for rough play....

cant touch me not today

a captains ball game on saturday

-

-

a movie to play...

the passion of the Christ... his Death to portray

the wincing looks.... a heart aches

oh well... the price He had to pay

-

-

and Charles says

final parade with you'll be today

and the tears flowed.... even as we prayed

the rain came...  a rainy day

-

-

the celebration of a few birthdays

" you made those?" me says

"yah" she  says

"they're really good" I say

-

-

"so where is petrina" me says

 *a long pause.......................

"she's having medical checkup" Christine says

"what did you say?"

---

adieus... I wonder how.. why when how

-

although we might have our disagreements

-

but still to say... you've been great as a friend and an officer... to many of us

-

I wish I had went with you the day before

-

sighz ... thunder.... 

-

i really wonder... is john's insistant stance the right one

or shd I just do what i feel is the right thing to do

-

sighz

-

I remember a conversation I had with charles in Wa Chee sometime ago

-

I still have the book "love beyond reason"

-

I remember the cap plonking, the "emil go back" in the astroturf

-

and more...

-

haha... oh well

adieus, sooner... or later... I guess

Thunderskunk

Zhuoer: "isn't that the creature that emmits foul odour"

-

a activation of the toxin protein

-

BT toxin

-

and now it starts again

-

sighz

why

WHY

-

grr... its back to square 1

-

rarr...

-

all over a stupid skunk

-

---

this stinks

-

gas was cut off in the bio lab

went to borrow  a alcohol lamp

-

and ET wants fire for sterile conditions

-

but refuses to borrow the lamp

-

"I'll just work with non-sterile conditions"

-

well so much for :"you dont make any difference in my life, you're not important enough to affect me at all"

-

hmm unfortunately... I am affecting you... to the extent that you would rather risk screwing up your EE than "get help" from me

-

bleah

-

why cant to realise that

you cant keep doing this

you're only going to end up hurting yourself... and hurting the people around you

-

heh.. pity, you already know what affects me the most

and you're probably going to try ways and means to stick with that and hurt me

sighz... here we go again

why?

rarr

De Ja Vu

5 levels

cliche

facts

ideas and opinions

feelings

total openness

-

heh... read that before in the book that tim lent me... 

-

and Kevin sharing about in in the context of a relationship with God.... during YF on saturday

-

---

ubin again...  the memories of so many things... when XL got rather upset with me on the grounds of certain photos... on the same bumboat for both journeys, tim on the same bumboat on the both return journeys, the darken sky, the mud paths the quarry

-

and consistantly sticking around certain people...

-

suaning...

you tian you suan you ku

-

heh... its weird... I really dont know... 

-

I wonder ... why? 

-

many of us, including myself, have made that conscious choice to follow Him, to give up everything to see him glorified

-

I always wondered... if i didnt... would things have been different?

-

to count all things as rubbish compared to the knowledge of Christ Jesus

-

yes ... rubbish.... dung.... shit....  , our shiny trophies, the things we once held dear...

-

---

you know... we once thought that... God had intended for things to happen in a particular manner, in a fairytale , our dreams our hopes our aspirations

-

before God comes and lays His hands upon what is dear to us.... and asks us 

"Do you love Me more than these?"

-

---

heh... in the sense of Tim being an extension of Emil... yes... i guess you might realise that... it was kind of obvious....

-

in the sense... seemingly all so normal and fine... but hurt... pain... sadness, confusion

all hidden... or else pushed away by either a torrent of homework or super mario smash bros

-

I know... maybe... 

-

but I cannot hide my emotions as well as you do... previous avenues for distraction such as computer games have lost their meaning... all I left is God, to clinge to Him, to trust Him, in all things

-

---

You give and take away

-

and what was given in november, the best birthday present to have... and slowly one sees it trickle away... perhaps God's hand is in it... wondering if He's trying to teach me patience, or He's just teaching me... to give up

-

I dont know

and maybe I shdnt think too much about it...

---

heh

-

Hannah is a nutter

-

was very tempted to say something to tease you there at the escalator at bugis for fun... 

-

rarrr...

longing for You

and Your touch... draw me close to You, never let go, In your hands I belong

-

and somehow... that little things, can make one happy, =) even if its just a little... 

---

some of the Y5s are rather friendly... also... in the sense of coming early for fireAC and while preparing... and well... John Taylor... and songs

- 

remembering all so long ago... nearly a year ago...

-

yeah... emil maybe eccentric haha... but I guess its only one facade of me

-

haha

John Tay is a joke

"I'm scared of talking to females"

-

heh... I used to be also... but it isnt so bad now... haha

-

it seems P.R. 2 scares us a lot... esp the fireAC ppl

-

haha

---

milo peng and seaweed , the fellowship of Wa Chee with the Y5s

-

very mildly spiced seaweed... and my milo peng is used as a fire extinguisher... opps poor Jayne seems to be worst than Chng in spiced food

-

haha... it seems that the Y5s dynamics are a lot different from our year... with a crazy bunch of Y6s to mentor and guide them... and 10? new primers? 5 girls from elliot's invitation?

-

lol

-

we'll soon see

haha

CASualty

heh

I have no idea

how on earth

are we going to be able

to complete the album project

before the CAS deadline

-

and Lee Min managing

(and not being pushy enough)

and all that

rarrr

-

---

and I dunno... why... so happy, so sad, so joyful, so peaceful,yet.. so sad and so happy

-

I count all things but loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ

Song of songs

if one looks upon what many may consider the last part of the bible to read through to find wisdom and stuff,

-

song of songs(2:7b, 3:5b 8:4b) all say the same thing... the "beloved" says:

-

"... do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready"

-

---

you look around... see so many jump into a r/s without a second glance, and falling, and hurting oneself... ...

-

you realise, at this age, there is still a lot to know about the people around you, to know about yourself

-

and also, the fact that not everyone at this age would be emotionaly stable/mature enough to be able to handle one

-

and we do need to know, the difference between infatuation and Love..... infatuation desires immediate gratification, it looks only at the outside beauty,

-

Love is not impatient, it can wait till the right time and all... and Love doesnt merely look at the outside, it looks at the person as a whole, the imperfections and all, and yet it still loves

(you can blame all the books about love I've been flooded with last year by Charles and Tim)

-

Guys are told to be able to emulate Christ love for the church, after all the end sum of r/s shd be a marriage of sort, after all , so in a sense, unless the guy is willing to do so, and not go in for it just for the sake of satisfying the primal emotions that come in, he is not ready for one, if he isnt prepared to love the person for the imperfections and all

-

---

.`petrina:

haha but the thing with us people is that we now only see the short term happiness 

we dont really think that there will be hurt
what ... ... most of the people see in a r/s is that there will be happiness
and we'll be happier than we are now

-
and yet why dont we look to Him, who can give us more than happiness, who can give us everlasting joy, who can satisfy every need we have...

-

yet while in following Him, there are ups and downs, sorrows and joys, 

yet we know, that there is no one that can ever give the love that He's shown

---

maybe... I shd take steps to mend and patch up stuff again... in the sense... I dont really have a sort of "hidden agenda", yes I still have those emotional attachments, but at the moment, for a long time, its better to not do anything about it.... not when I'm not really ready in the first place... whether it be for anybody in particular 

-

just... be friends, the resolution I made so long ago...

-

and yet perhaps, I don't really want to be the person who makes a proactive step to mend stuff... after all the last time it wasnt me after all... perhaps give it more time, and trust God to provide... 

---

hmm

FireAC today.. sitting next to fab (Tim you poot... rarrr you and your funny comments)

-

there are certain things I feel convicted to share about, the glory of the Lord... and the holiness it requires, if we desire to see His glory, we need to be Holy... before Him...

-

fix Our eyes upon Him... Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith

With all I am

heh

chucked that mad post back to drafts... heh... unfortunately Blogger doesnt have the PW protect feature.... I might consider shoving it to my wordpress mirror.... but too troublesome

maybe in the future

---

I guess... I would say... i dunno whether I annoyed people, or said the wrong thing... or maybe intruded too much into peoples personal space... I guess for now... I'll just give it time....

and I'll trust... that whatever happens.... and while I try not to do anything... stuff... just trust that God will take care in the end..... and provide other people to care and stuff

-

why, WHY!

heh(silly emil)

-

---

and overhearing some exchange between eve and tim

"bitching around in the girls toilet"...."short skirt"..... "Asyikin"... "were from same school somemore"

-

doesn't really take much deciphering to know who the target of the bitching was

-

either way... heh... the indignation showed by Evelyn... heh I guess... I quietly was also... perhaps to a greater extent.... but again... I'm not supposed to get overly concerned over these kind of stuff eitherway... heh..

-

heh... evelyn is a nice person after all... maybe a little bit too sensitive and intolerant or manupilative sometimes but, largely a nice person... heh... and probably a good enough friend to have

-

---

BB day today(my post is in reverse chronology, unfortunately more recent things come to mind as I type out this post)

-

and I guess... again... the tendency... I realise I ended up sticking to P.C. a lot again(although it also counts as sticking to other the person who sticks to her)... and talking also...

I guess its sort of because while we had to work together for mini calendar and all that, and since mission trip also... rather okay friends and all that... 

-

As Tim would put it... a sort of substitution mentality... heh.... same as mission trip also... which isnt very healthy as it is... 

-

---

and I guess... Alex shd stop suaning people(F? chng)... its not good... haha... i know myself... my church friend was an example of it... but luckily it was okay... but I had to cut off for sometime though.

-

---

Into Your Hands

I commit again

With all I am

Forever

-

You hold my world

In the palm of Your Hand

And I am Yours

Forever

-

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

-

I will worship You

I will worship You

heh I guess... Commit everything to Him... 

-

Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you(1 Peter 5:7)

Water Testing

I guess... I might have pushed stuff too far on one hand... but i guess... I'm fine, I guess... 

-

Lord grant me wisdom on these stuff... we make mistakes, and we learn from them

-

but I guess... Joshua chapter 1

"I will be with you"

and all the other stuff I've got last year and combined... I know... God has something in mind after all, but:

Love is patient... is not self-seeking... always trusts , always hopes, always perseveres... love never fails...(1 Cor 13)

-

while reading it in context is important...  I know...

-

perhaps, patience, trust, hope, perseverance... learning all that... while remembering to put God first in everything

-

God can take away everything that is precious to me...  but please don't be distant, please never let me not be able to hear You

-

---

memories of singing this particular song during valentines day last year... choir project... i remember that week so vividly... I remember so many things...

-

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy, when skies are gray

You never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

-

yet there is a greater sunshine above all, the light of the world,

-

Jesus

-

yet as pastor spoke today about Joshua 1:9 and he mentioned... sometimes we want something more tangible, and more easily felt

-

---

to say... I'm not affected by the issue anymore isn't really the truth... to say I largely got over it would be better, but there is always that small part... and I really dunno

-

I wish that... the choice whether it is necessary to squash the last bit of myself is necessary... was clearer... and if not so? does hanging on to it have any benefit whatsoever... from a purely utilitarian point of view?

-

sighz... when one remembers the happiness that came about that sms... that got dampened after 'neth being even more pleased than me about the it... and

its not an easy struggle... resolute, yet it get more painful as time goes by... same way a thought fast worked... the initial part was easy, until much later

-

surrender is not a one-shot thing, it is a continuous process... 

Purine

Friendship...

the liberty of dong stuff, on a basis of friendship... without expecting back, just being friends... and stuff...

yet it seems unless I give up that small part of me that hopes for more... theres is a limit to how close a friendship can be... without awkwardness

I know... that.. while things did work out well... the choice made that would keep my eyes fixed upon God only... its nice to be able to wake up and think of God as my first thought in mind..

-

yet... a part still hopes... yet God never tells me that it is wrong to hope...

yet I know people still swan on...(wes and alex had fun right? I wasnt too affected I guess... such things like being upset over that seem so trival now)

yet I know my choice well enough... seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness

-

and I dont know what the end of year holds, what happens after that in the end...

-

but I know... no matter what... God has a plan in mind for me and, it will come to pass

-

---

and I know... God has something in mind for the school... before we leave... we shall see something... as we pass the flame to light up the next generation... 

-

I somehow... know that while sometimes we tend to have a human view of things... good intentions that arent nessesary God's excellent thoughts...

yet I know... that God wants to move mightly... if we would be blameless before Him and make ourselves holy, and cry out to Him

-

---

oh. for a moment i thought this was alex
haha

-

do I sound like alex? lol... I was simply enquiring about advertising for fireAC and BB

-

a new year card from Alex

excerpt:

"you need to know the difference between love and infatuation... you need to give up, its affecting your ministry"

-

I know the difference... Love is patient,love is Kind... it does not insist on its own way.... (1 Cor 13)

and yes... if God intends, things will make a way... if not, well... good also... I mean... God knows best

-

and I already made a choice...  lol

-

I mean... I dont really have to tell everybody that I largely resolved the issue right? 

-

---

I dont really liked being cut... I mean... John... I WOULD appreciate it, if you have a conviction to do something other than what I have in mind... tell me EARLIER... I mean... its kind of sucky to have prayed and prepared to do something... and you decide to suddenly cut me off without notice... pff

-

---

Yong Lee Har the Bio teacher... lol...

1) she likes to digress a lot

2) either unto the grossest possible subjects... tiger penises and beehoon tapeworms

3) or to the sexual reproductive system .... like what the? nice viagra and other weird stuff

lol the girls were really grossed out

but i really wonder how on earth did digestion become sex?

-

and it was really amusing to see maye's face when Mdm Yong was talking about the possible problem of peeing while ejaculating(while performing "the act") after a kidney stones operation

"you mean... ewww"

-

lol

and Justin enquiring whether masturbating reduces the risk of prostate cancer

-

"you do realise there are girls around?"(Mdm Yong)

---

lol

so much for a first week back... the councilors and OGLs missing half the lessons... confusion behind reshuffled classes(lol the teacher that hates teddy bears{Maria Nathan} is teaching me)

-

the CCA recuitment fair... lol the BB Primers booth was blocking the Touch rug people...

and we have a rather sneaky recuitment tactic

1)Shiny trophies attract girls

2) girls are interested... enquire what CCA it is, upon learning that is it is BB , attempt to walk away

3) Our female primers(petrina,evelyn, christine,leemin) go forth and grab and the girls get interested again(CAS, NYAA, Spirituality)... some are convinced and sign up

-

of course there's the clincher:

"hmm I'm not sure leh..."(girl being talked to by petrina and a few other trying to persuade her)

"hello"(dan)

"oh I didnt know you're in BB also.. okay I'll join!"(girl)

-

LOL

---

oh well... work will pick up pace soon... LORD give me the strenght to face it, and work well

Hear Us from heaven

a new year.... a new hope and a new beginning

-

and new challenges... and new things to expect

-

---

looking back at last year....

so many challenges too, a time of emotional trial and yet of seeking God like never before... and yet... God has been faithful.... a resolution of so many problems and stuff... 

-

hence.... a time to keep focus on God this year... I know... whatever affections and emotions toward other things, those can wait... I'm running after You alone

-

and for now , let the flame reignite...

---

Open the blind eyes

Unlock the deaf ears

Come to Your people

As we draw near

Hear us from Heaven

Touch our generation

We are Your people

Crying out in desperation