Sunday 6 January 2008

Water Testing

I guess... I might have pushed stuff too far on one hand... but i guess... I'm fine, I guess... 
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Lord grant me wisdom on these stuff... we make mistakes, and we learn from them
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but I guess... Joshua chapter 1
"I will be with you"
and all the other stuff I've got last year and combined... I know... God has something in mind after all, but:
Love is patient... is not self-seeking... always trusts , always hopes, always perseveres... love never fails...(1 Cor 13)
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while reading it in context is important...  I know...
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perhaps, patience, trust, hope, perseverance... learning all that... while remembering to put God first in everything
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God can take away everything that is precious to me...  but please don't be distant, please never let me not be able to hear You
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memories of singing this particular song during valentines day last year... choir project... i remember that week so vividly... I remember so many things...
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You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
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yet there is a greater sunshine above all, the light of the world,
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Jesus
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yet as pastor spoke today about Joshua 1:9 and he mentioned... sometimes we want something more tangible, and more easily felt
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to say... I'm not affected by the issue anymore isn't really the truth... to say I largely got over it would be better, but there is always that small part... and I really dunno
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I wish that... the choice whether it is necessary to squash the last bit of myself is necessary... was clearer... and if not so? does hanging on to it have any benefit whatsoever... from a purely utilitarian point of view?
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sighz... when one remembers the happiness that came about that sms... that got dampened after 'neth being even more pleased than me about the it... and
its not an easy struggle... resolute, yet it get more painful as time goes by... same way a thought fast worked... the initial part was easy, until much later
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surrender is not a one-shot thing, it is a continuous process... 

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