The Walking dead & a torn heart

sometimes you see the people around you, joking, laughing, going about their lives
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yet inside, many of them, yes , even those who profess faith in Jesus Christ, many of them are like the walking dead, destined for an eternity in hell
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and it hurts... so many of the people we see are deceived, that simply by saying you believe in this man called Jesus Christ, gives you an automatic entry into heaven
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we are saved by faith yes. but this faith must be preceded and followed by repentance.
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and true faith is accompanied by works, faith without works is dead
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but Lord I wonder, how much of this is genuine, this burden, this heavy heart?
and how does one do this not from one that is condescending, as if I, a supposed, "holy holy" nonsense, yet I am nothing either, we all are equally wretched, yet saved by His Grace
Yet how can one manage to be burdened by 1 person exclusively so easily, yet in only feels for the school only in the rare moments like this

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Come and Heal Our Land

Verse 1:
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Spirit
Here we are Lord, waiting for your Holy Fire
We have lost our first love, Lord have mercy on us all
Fill us again
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Chorus:
Hear us when we cry out
Come and heal our Land
Forgive us of our sins and
Live in us again!
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Verse 2:
Create in us a clean heart, as we turn to seek Your face
Create in us a clean heart, please don’t cast us from your presence
One thing we desire Lord, to dwell in your holy place forever
Take us again
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the song tim and I penned down on 16 February, it was an emotional turmoil of a week for me, yet God still was a comfort
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One thing we desire Lord, to dwell in your holy place forever
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tim already did the first verse and the chorus, and the second verse, Psalms 51, which I was around with him, after sharing about the thing that was troubling me greatly,
while 2 other ppl were receiving counsel from Wesley and K, the rule was broken, while... broken
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and we had our prayer meeting later, and... tears... and ...
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and yes, i found out something, but, it didn't help much...
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memories...
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yet Lord, send revival, send revival into our hearts and the school, and awaken the dead, to truly be alive again in Christ

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and today
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worship, heart of worship
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the word was surrender, and surrender is hard to grasp, to simply put every thing in the trust of God, and trust Him
"though i'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours, every single breath"
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while John Tay and Daniel was doing evanglism later, and I was praying
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yet.... oh no....
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I wanted to talk, but I'm supposed to pray, how does one heart be torn into 2? Service and love to God , or...
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oh well
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surrender...
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I wish my heart wasnt torn into 2 sometimes. you don't know what to do, or maybe you do, yet you want something else
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maybe, "love God wholeheartedly" , its easy to say
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yet we remember that passage in Luke 14:26 or Matthew 10:37
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If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.(Luke 14:26)
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"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.(Matt 10:37)
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Can my love for God be more than that of anyone else
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oh well
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surrender... help me to do that. not my will but Yours be done