in absentia

hanging around today
-
just wasn’t the same anymore without the usual
-

---

I shall be a bit strong in what I write in this post about something
-
but I guess you’ve to know, ever since I decided to drop off my feelings about you
I’ve learnt a lot...
-
it still makes me very sad though
hearing about clubbing
being yelled at and pushed at
-
even though through this apparent mask of apathy and disconcern
and apparent ‘interest’ for someone else
-
sigh
-
you said
“you have eyes for nobody but petrina”
-
but that’s not true
I always cared for you in a strange way...
always watched out for you...
-
and I guess everything still hurts me the way they did...
just less because I choose not to let them hurt me as much
-

---

if you read this
you might hate me for posting such stuff publicly
but I don’t really care if you hate me anymore...
-
I just want you to hate what God hates... somehow...

---

-
I wish I could change the influences and things that happened
-
the past and the present
-
but it was never meant to be my concern
-
as tim told me before
about how in any r/s (friendships/BGR/family)
-
we need to let God do His work in His time
and simply commit them in prayer
-