Darling dear me

people change overtime
for the better, or for the worse
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so do I
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the choice of words one uses can have impact upon people
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somehow, like it was a dig against what I used to be
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because it reminds me of a time where I used to think my world revolved around you
and merely being addressed in such endearing manners would mean a lot
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for now, I simply go into defensive...
because I took so much pain and trouble to convince myself that you were not worth it
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that feeling hurt because I felt that the things you did, the clothes you wear
are what God hates...
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and I don’t want to go back to where I was before...
besides, I never really meant much to you anyway...

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little drops of sarcasm and indifference to the stupid jokes cracked
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now that you somehow have concluded that I’ve ‘switched targets’ from you
and now am ‘terrorising’ someone else other than you
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its easy to laugh it off, because it definitely wasn’t like the way it was with you
except a little awkwardness at times, there is always a limit to how close a friend can be...
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but somehow like the harry potter in Half-blood prince
the emotion that calls itself jealousy sometimes manifests itself it ways I cannot understand
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I can trick and persuade my intellect...
but I cant trick my emotions...
sadly
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I cannot become too attached to either one of you
since both of you will be going separate ways soon
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moving on to make new friends and life on a whole
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but I still want to spend as much time as I can with you all while I can
because you both mean a lot to me... as precious friends I have poured my heart into...
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and someday, even if we never see each other in this life on earth
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I pray, we will stand before God in the day of judgement righteous before Him
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and worship Him together and thank Him for the times He has blessed us with