nothing much

somehow these few days
-
I know I feel left out, because of having to be stuck in camp while the others have their leave and fun
-
and when I get back, somehow things don’t seem very much the same either
-

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after finding a way to fix L4D to run multiplayer without lag
-
it seems like I’ve been playing a lot of it recently, with random online strangers
-
but somehow the real fun of the game really comes with playing with a group of friends you love and know
-
and even so, I even find talking to a group of close friends online more meaningful and fulfilling than mere computer video games.
even getting poked fun of by LM is better than that
-
but somehow, I’ve really been feeling very insecure about myself over the past few days...
-
somehow... I wonder if you guys ever get tired of having me around...
and are glad to be able to enjoy yourselves without me...

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nothing much I can do about a lot of circumstances around me
-
especially with regard to the past behind me...
I always wondered
if you ever knew how I really felt about things all the way
when I saw things that made me uncomfortable
that made me rather sad
-
I gave so much of myself away
that I dare not give anyone else anything
for now...
-
but I do know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
and one of the things I can do
is to have the courage to move on...

MDC

I wish somehow
that I didn’t have to put up some people all the time
-
somehow they say its a half-half fault thing
-
but seriously... i wonder who’s ‘tone’ sounds more disgusting
-
talking about a subject you know nuts about
and acting like you know everything about it
-
somehow that really disgusts me
-
fibreglass guitar indeed
one of the primary reasons why I,(and many others) thoroughly dislike ovation guitars
-
Acoustic wood tone... with the bright sparkles and mellow sweetness... the depth and warmth
Can never be better than a synthetic piece of rubbish, no matter how expensive it may be
-
Ovation may have projection and clarity, with quite a decent pickup system, but sacrifices tone and depth to achieve it...
-
don’t desecrate the subject of acoustic guitars... if you really know absolutely nothing about it

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somehow, it’s tiring lah
playing all these secular songs for no apparent incentive... sacrificing valued break time
I might as well have joined MDC by the looks of things...
-
I wish I could have taken a day off today and joined the rest...
sigh...
-

Let the words remain unsaid pt 2

I did a much older post with a similar title 1 and a half years ago:
Link

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Password protected

cliques

Password protected post:
-
Link

bitter medicine

looking back one and a half years ago, a conversation I had at the start of 2008
-
oh well
i wonder what kind of stuff I'll end up doing in 1 and a half years time
army >.< but i dunno if I can get into something like medicine haha haha what d'you suppose you'll be doing ? overseas or NUS/NTU/SMU?
-

oh
no idea
i was hoping to do medicine
but not with the amount of discipline i have
nor the extent of my laziness
-
haha
I'm lazy also
but I'll like medicine too haha
which was half the reason why i chose bio/math/chem combi
-
oh =.=
i didn't have what i wanna do in mind when i chose my subs

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sigh... laziness doesn’t pay off i guess
-
neither does emoing over things...

Memory

a car driving down a nearly empty road in the wee hours of the morning
stops at a bus stop, or just before...
-
nothing heard but the sound of cars in the expressway in the distance racing... rather softly
the trudging sound of an oncoming bus. inscribed with the numbers, 74...
-
the car door opens, slowly...
a guitar and bag are also slowly retrieved from the car
-
the door is slammed softly, the car races off
time is carefully taken to adjust the bag and guitar straps
-
the bus stops, he stops, looks
wonders whether she would be on that bus, getting off
-
being able to at least catch a small moment of time to talk and walk with her
something ultimately precious at that moment of time
-
an awkward smile and hello...
and silence while walking in...
-
he wonders if she know what is on his mind at that moment
that his heartbeat is unnaturally fast
-
and he wished she could talk too
-

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That was the past at least....
just but a memory
-
times have changed a lot... that’s all I know
-
it all seemed so surreal to think about it
just like a fairy tale story
haha
-
except the fairy tale never had much of a happily ever after...

another dream

more vivid this time, I could remember more of the details this time
-
it was the 3 of us, we were walking down the pathway outside the SAC (the narrow strip of concrete)
-
after some time one of you disappeared, maybe having to fly off somewhere else far far away...
-
while the other stayed with me
-
still a rather happy dream

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I think somehow beneath all these facades and everything
-
when you strip everything down
-
I think nothing much has changed about how I felt since Feb 2007
-
just a matter of a change of how I deal/dealt with the issue
-
sigh...

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looking through the convos of one of the friends I’m closest to
(in terms of how I trust them with my thoughts)
-
times have changed much...

Eleven Minutes

questions on sexuality and love
-
I guess everyone asks these questions sooner or later
-

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beyond how the world looks beyond those “eleven minutes”
-
Love is a sacred gift from God, but the world has messed up so badly
it becomes a curse
-

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anyway reading that book, infusion of biblical and worldly precepts of love and sex
albeit rather pornographic in its descriptions...
-
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
-
Song of Solomon 2:7:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

-

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its strange to tell a malay muslim guy I made friends with during my guard duty:
-
I don’t worry, If God wants to give me a life companion, He will, if not He wont,
After all, God is Great (Allāhu Akbar) , and He can do anything
-
and he agreed.

Hurricanes

the aftermath of stupid facebook sabotage came anyway
-
or maybe its because of a few defiant comments
-
bleah
-

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my thoughts upon the whole affair is this I guess
-
firstly, everyone somehow likes scandal... its really lame
seriously... and well she doesn’t deserve it... all the stupid teasing
-
I don’t like her in the way i like(or used to like) someone else ...
-
secondly, i guess I am a bit well, sian
it’s the whole “emil is a total joke” kind of thing...
esp some of the comments...
-
but compare it to some of the other jokes they had in the past involving my “twin”
-
well I guess its natural...

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bleah, I don’t want another HG like incident
not funny...