nothing much

somehow these few days
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I know I feel left out, because of having to be stuck in camp while the others have their leave and fun
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and when I get back, somehow things don’t seem very much the same either
-

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after finding a way to fix L4D to run multiplayer without lag
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it seems like I’ve been playing a lot of it recently, with random online strangers
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but somehow the real fun of the game really comes with playing with a group of friends you love and know
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and even so, I even find talking to a group of close friends online more meaningful and fulfilling than mere computer video games.
even getting poked fun of by LM is better than that
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but somehow, I’ve really been feeling very insecure about myself over the past few days...
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somehow... I wonder if you guys ever get tired of having me around...
and are glad to be able to enjoy yourselves without me...

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nothing much I can do about a lot of circumstances around me
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especially with regard to the past behind me...
I always wondered
if you ever knew how I really felt about things all the way
when I saw things that made me uncomfortable
that made me rather sad
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I gave so much of myself away
that I dare not give anyone else anything
for now...
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but I do know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
and one of the things I can do
is to have the courage to move on...