I remember a few years ago, I was rather upset about being told I wasn’t temperamentally suited to serve in a certain area of ministry. And in the end, it meant that I ended up moving else where to find a different avenue of service.
Now, I’m back, in contact with the people whom I might have had a chance to impact during the past 3 years. Not sure if they still remember me as one of the pseudo instructors who appeared during their first camp that many years ago… it was my first block leave I had from army too...
It feels rather strange. I guess I’ve changed a lot too. I used to be easily led on by emotions and driven by passion. Now it seems that I’m in a position where I’m just letting God show me where to go, day by day. I’m no longer a person who takes what people say to me at face value, and end up scrutinising every word in an effort to decipher a person’s intentions
Times have changed over here in Khon Kaen, Thailand too. 6 years ago, during my first trip in June, there were fewer cars, fewer buildings, and less people. No big shopping malls and franchise eateries. No super fast 3G internet or WiFi either.
Yet things have not changed too. I still see the same city shrine pillar, the same forgotten construction shell, the same slums, the same orphanage. The cycle of poverty still continues despite advancements elsewhere.
I still think about stuff everyday. Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother when it’s unlikely thinking about it is going to make a difference. I’m still the same person, a little insecure and trying to find a way through this confusing world of meaningless concepts and questions, life goals that give temporal satisfaction while leaving you wondering if working for them was worth it.
We ate ramen today. Tonkushu ramen, with chicken karrage and charshu. Thailand on the whole is changing so much that even international cuisine has been introduced and aggressively franchised, albeit with some thai modifications. The charshu wasn’t the melt in the mouth kind though, so I just gave it away. I still don’t really like the texture of pork that much.
As we passed by the AIDS orphanage. I remember one of the officers in 2007 who joined us for the trip. He was sharing his testimony about his battle with cancer back then to encourage the children and the mission workers. Just last year, he had a relapse and cancer claimed his life. Life may be short, but I guess what really matters in the end is that we lived a life to the full, and died giving glory to God.
I kept wondering though. I never expected during that time that 5 years later, I would be walking down the same path and remembering all that happened.
I wish I dared to say how I feel about everything directly. But at the same time I guess theres a time and place, and perhaps now’s not the time? But I guess I want to keep hoping and trusting that God makes everything beautiful in its time. In my life, and in the lives of the many I see here who have yet to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ...
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