Maybe I have no right in intruding myself into the lives of others.
But I find my thoughts drifting back to Singapore while being inspired by the lives of thai children
And I wonder whats troubling you, but I dare not ask or say anything about it. If I’m supposed to leave it be, I shouldn’t
I found myself having recurring nightmares even in Thailand, waking up in the middle of the night.. Maybe I’m having post-traumatic stress disorder after the past week of exams, but the stupidest part is that all involved some exams I’m not involved in (Chinese, Stats…). And although the matter doesn’t occupy my waking hours that much anymore, I still dream vividly about you.
Busying myself interacting with the Thai children and attempting to communicate to them in a mixture of broken Thai and English, watching how they worship God in the school with such energy and passion… these make me happy, contented and inspired each and everyday. In fact, I don’t feel lethargic, depressed or unhappy in any way. But yet I wonder why these dreams and unconscious thoughts still plague me at night? Maybe it’s true that I draw energy and strength from being around and working with other people, but the silence of night and sleep brings out these unsettled cognitions and emotions that still dwell within.
Maybe thats why being cooped up in my room alone during the exam period produced the most amount of melancholy and dysthymia in me. I hope when this trip is over - in a few days time. I’ll be able to adapt and not fall back into this trap of negative rumination and self-depreciation. And maybe slowly, in the right time, the issue will resolve itself the way its supposed to me. God will make everything beautiful in its time...
I guess, there will be people we care about who end up not caring about us in the same way… But God cares about us, and thats enough…
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