changes

the passing of changes, mean a lot...

-

because change is new, and change is different

-

changes in my relationship with BB

changes in my relationships with people

-

changes in my relationship with Choir... from being the 'on' person who wanted to bring change, to bring God into the picture... to something I just gave up... and joined back later on after deciding not to touch that painful area...

-

I wish i could turn back time and make a change... again...

-

---

or just trust in Him, knowing that He is sovereign...

-

a jet blast of reality...

"meanwhile we shall express our darker purpose"

Give me the map there. Know that we have divided
In three our kingdom: and 'tis our fast intent
To shake all cares and business from our age;
Conferring them on younger strengths, while we
Unburthen'd crawl toward death.

(Lear in King Lear)

---

I don't really like choir politics, its a waste of time...

-

but hmm interestingly enough.. or otherwise... a tradition was broken... we have our very first Non-Christian Choir pres...

-

ah well... 

A Beautiful Love So Amazing

*emotional rant*

-

it so strange... because.. how can God die for us, how can God love us

-

---

Its so strange, when you draw parallels between the past and present, and the differences that they make

-

"I love you... I really do..."(silly irrational emo quote from one of my friends last year)

-

and look how it lands up...

-

---

something which I heard before, and that I still believe, that in order to truly 'love' a person in that strange way... you need to know the person well enough, see the flaws and the beauty past them, the same way God look past our flaws, and sees our worth...

-

and a time of one year seems to be necessary... oh well, yet i wonder...

-

---

...Lord you have searched me and You know me...(psalms 139)

-

and yes... only you know my heart, and why and how... and what's best...

-

I don't know...

---

because of what I see and hear...

and what I do not know...

-

hence I do not want to think too much

yet if there were a chance...

-

---

World choinging

Recording

-

Wesley Chan...

either I have been too obvious, or there really is an elimination 'most likely' process involved

-

ah well it doesn't matter... in the end, God knows best... in the end... if I leave with nothing... it doesn't matter...

-

---

ah well I'm going to miss choir... sighz

the world could do with less emo people =)

but when tmr is over... haha, it seems like I'll just end up mugging like siao

-

CAS EE TOK IA

-

and whacking all the IA

-

and trying not to think of stuff... I guess it can wait... if God wills things to happen it will happen,

and if not, it'll be good also

-

---

but I'm still kinda worried about stuff, think I'm falling sick in a not so nice way(like something more than fever cough if you get what I mean)

-

oh well but I guess God will take care...

-

its really strange, when God seems to always tell us not to hold on to stuff, because He is sovereign, in our weakness His strength is seen

-

ah well

-

I shall try not to feel sad after I leave the school, if things are left the way it is... 

-

---

Here I am, O God

I bring this sacrifice, my open heart

I offer up my life

-

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends

Restores me again

-
So I lift my eyes to You, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
-
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You...

Mochi Ice Cream

"I don't like mushy songs" (Me)

"its MARSHEE, not MOO SHEE, MOO SHEE sounds like the japanese ice cream"(Shaun the .10 one)

"lol but its mo-chi(chee) ice cream, not moo shee"(Me)

---

oh well...

-

Pharmacology: 

different drugs can interact with each other to create adverse effects

-

at least that's what we were studying in biology, about how Cyclosporine can interact with grapefruit juice or something.

-

---

oh well...

I was rather erm... unsettled after learning about the DV joining us...

-

oh well... its strange because of the way things are...

-

like its backstage, at the circle seats, in front, at the sides.

---

along with juxtaposition of the emo song and mushy song

-

Walk down that lonesome road....

Never never change....

Don't turn your head, back over your shoulder... 

Wont you please arrange it, cause I love you

Above the trees...

With each word, your tenderness grows

If i had closed my mouth and open my eyes

and the laugh that wrinkles your nose, touches my foolish heart

Carry on, never feel sorry for yourself... it doesn't save you from your troubled mind...

-

Ah well, I really don't like singing either one of those songs...

-

---

facades are what we put up on to hide what we think and feel away from other people, most people know you by your facade not the 'real you'

-

there are very few people whom I've shown just a little of what i really am actually.

-

its not that we are trying to be fake by putting up facades

its just that, the world is such a cruel place that we can never show out true self without getting hurt...

-

Only God knows our hearts... Psalms 139... Lord You have searched me and You know me...

"Don't turn your head ... back over your shoulder..."

Today,

other than a stupid MOE survey today (which i managed to capture screen by screen, and probably will be dissecting when I feel like it), there was choir..

-

---

"you know when I was a boy , when we sang this(Turot eszik a cigany), we used to changed the words a bit, but don't repeat this"(Mr Phua)

-

"KNNB CCB"(click for definition by TalkingCock.com)

-

LOL it really does fit perfectly

-

albeit VERY vulgar, although fitting to such a vulgar sounding song

-

Tu	-	rot	es	-	zik	a	ci	-	gany
K	-	N	N	-	B	C	C	-	B

---

anyway we didnt sing the mushy song today, but we sang the emo song, "That Lonesome Road"

-

"Don't turn your head... back over your shoulder"

-

how fun.

-Isn't it what we try to do sometimes? I wonder...

oh well...

"I like ***" choir...

dinner with Mdm Yong was rather interesting lol

-

although at a number of points I felt a bit left out... bio oly talks...

-

and discussing a number of things

-

---

and talking about fellow classmates

-

"I like ***"

*me gives Tim the look

-

"I like ***"

*me looks at Tim again

-

"I really like ***"

*looks at Tim for the 3rd time

-

lol

so much for that...

old things..., old times...

-

---

"=== has been looking moody"

"I told  ===, no point wasting sleep over a guy"

-

er..., you mean the only reason a girl can look emo is over a guy? and vice versa?

At least, that is, if academic performance is taken out of the question...

-

ah well, I shall refuse to try to formulate theories...

---

mushy songs

(http://5implyworship.blogspot.com/2008/04/song-of-joy.html)

-

"you need to really mean the words you say, think of somebody..."

(E. Wan)

-

dotz... I try not to think about certain things that are real, because they will either make me feel sad , or will make me feel confused.

-

E.Wans suggestion of Bratt Pitt and Angelina Jolie didn't sound good(I generally don't watch movies... and either way I don't think they look that great.) 

So I tried looking at Sze Jet's sister (aka Sze min in the audience), before i started laughing silently, and gave up... shall leave the mushy thinking to the real concert...

-

I don't like singing mushy songs... period...

-

---

Japanese tongue twisters and flowers

"Noyosa"

"Hana"

-

Hungarian Gypies(aka 'the machine gun' according to Levin) 

"Turot eszik a cigany"

-

Filipino men drooling(according to translation)

"Rosa Pandans"

-

Indian Raga

"Desh"

-

Latin Missa Brevis movement

"Credo"

-

"a.k.a. learn another few languages in a few days" (Feli's blog)

lol, I agree too... but either way, its something that one gets used to after 5 1/2 years in choir...

-

---

Charity cafe

Nintendo Wii Guitar hero and rahbits...

was rather fun =)

---

oh well...

-

dead tired... Final EE/World Lit to amend/print, IOC to mug, Chem/Bio prac reports to complete for submission...

-

and gruelling Choir sessions... 

-

bleah...

Annoyances

I cannot stand random gossip sometimes, it really gets on my nerves

-

---

tenor sectional break:

taking one of those wonderful power naps that do wonders after waking

-

before Sze Jet, JS, and another one of the guys came in, door wide open(the door closer was spoilt)

-

and I sort of got woken up...:

"hey *** is here"(Js)

"where got 3 guys after one girl one"(Jet)

"how about your darling  ***"

-

"shut up and let me sleep"(me)

-

---

last year, during Geog Class around  Feburary 2007:

-

"hey ***, I heard you kissed ***"(Zhe Xian)

-

evidently it got impressed in my head since I still remember it too vividly, even though it was more than 1 year ago... orange rubber shavings and all... although there really isn't any point digging up old painful memories...

---

Around Janurary 2008

" you know you shouldn't say such things when it isn't true, might stumble another person"(Chng)

-

---

heh in my opinion

there should be a 3rd primer rule:

No thinking about BGR

-

and make this THOUGHTCRIME

-

would make life a lot easier( and harder)

-

it doesn't take much discipline to restrain oneself into getting into a r/s, all it actually needs is one word, "NO"

-

but its takes a lot more to keep one's focus on God alone, and even beyond r/s , there are so many other 'worldly' things that can get in the way as well

-

---

or maybe I'm being double minded

like many, its always interesting to ask: why cant we have both God and that someone special?

-

perhaps, if I had hindsight, I might see things differently

-

"touch the kettle and find that it is hot"(Tim)

-

and there never was a hard and fast rule in the first place, other than putting God first and putting Him in everything.

-

oh well

-

---

"and if you try to hold me down I'm gonna spit look in your eye and say___ you cant stop the beat"(choir song - You Cant Stop The Beat, with censored lyrics)

- 

choreography, dancing was embarrassing - why cant we let the DANCE vienna dance for us??

although it was a little fun I must say...

-

---

a cascade of short interchanges and acknowledgements...

"Such is the most excellent foppery of the world"(Edmund in King Lear)

-

the Koi Pond and Fountain...

"Love this water! Stay with it! Learn from it "(Siddartha)

-

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word became flesh ..."(John Tay during FireAC)

-F**k!

the word  became flesh

-from henceforth thou shalt be known as F**k"(Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha)

-

evidently EA1 has messed up my thinking

---

"Cielo I dare you to go to a super market and buy nothing but a pregnancy test kit and..." (Mong)

Human Chronic Gonadothrophin is produced by the blastocyst to signal the corpus luetem not to degenerate. This forms the basis of pregnancy test kits...(Bio notes)

-

and Bio too apparently.

-

oh well... how annoying

Love, and be silent.

CORDELIA :
[Aside] What shall Cordelia do?
Love, and be silent.

---

Alto party, or reunion... haha

was rather small attendance... but at least i managed to meet up with the seniors (y7s)

and the ONLY person from the IB choir side who turned up was...

-

Evelyn

...

imagine me sitting opposite her with no one other than Jeremiah Hadi the sec 1

-

when Joel yap went off to get stuff at the harti cafe

-

luckily Xuanqi joined us soon enough, followed by Sze Min, Ethel and Theo

-

lol none of them have changed much...

Ethel is still as fierce and 'boyish' as ever

Theo is still Theo 

lol

---

Highlights: Taboo

-

"the nut closes to your heart"

"nipple?"

(apparently it was chestnut... doh...)

-

*some weird reference to the male anatomy*

(apparently it was Dick Lee)

-

and Douglas was funny as usual

"transmitted by mosquitos"

"SARS"(correct)

(since when was SARS transmitted by mozzies?")

-

---

Highlights: TnD

the alien invasion questions... lol

-

"if aliens invaded the earth and eradicated everything and you were stuck with only one person, who would you prefer.

-

"E.T.(the alien) or Ms ranjee"(Sze)

"E.T.?"(Eve)

-

LOL... apparently she connected 'ET' to refer to her... 

-

the problem is when i started referring to her as et in my blog... lol

> <

-

"must be a girl(member of opposite sex) from choir"(sze)

"I thought this question had procreation in mind"(eve)

(errrrr...)

-

---

"Emil what did you say the last time?(2006 alto Halloween party)"(Sze)

"erm ... i think xuan if i rmb correctly"

-

I didn't have to give any 'newer answer' anyway... 

but did it made me think for a bit

I don't really know many of the girls in choir at the moment, even for the Y6s, i don't exactly talk to them

-

maybe...

-

nmind... focus lah... don't get yourself into trouble

-

dotz

-

---

"Love, and be silent."

-

maybe its the best...

even if "nothing will come of nothing" ...

-

appearing offline isn't fun...

-

ah well

-

tiredddddd...

-

sick of studying.... sick of thinking ... sick of everything

-

booooo, 

I think I'm going to die if I'm found out...

-

><

-

God be my everything to cling to... 

"You have searched me and known me"(Ps 139)

-

my QT is dying... why am i so tired...

why?

---

what there for me

drowning in materialism, tech gadgets, work, friends

-

but only God can fill that void

but I need to find You first

Leopard Vista Ubuntu

Mac OS X Leopard

Windows Vista Home Premium

Ubuntu Linux

-

running simultaneously without a hitch with VMware fusion

used spaces to split up the workspaces

(i super-imposed a screenshot of the mac OS X environment to make it look nice... in reality, you don't see the mac desktop in spaces, only applications)

(and in my vista install, I moved the task bar to the top, and i installed Stardock Objectdock, and put the default leopard BG as wallpaper)

- 

Allocated RAM/HD

Mac OS X - 1.5 GB ram -Native HD - host environment

Windows -2GB ram - Native HD(Bootcamp)- virtual environment

Ubuntu - 500MB ram - Virtual Drive -virtual environment

-

mac OS X is running fine

Ubuntu runs very quickly

but Vista still is rather slow(irony, considered i allocated the most ram to it)

-

haha

the power of the 4GB ram Macbook Pro with VMware Fusion*

-

*note while it is possible to do the same in windows and linux using VMware player/workstation, you can never get the same stability(for windows) or UI pleasing eye-candy/user-friendliness(for linux) as Mac OS X

-

and indeed i see why people Favor Linux over Windows

-

so much more stable and fast(considering i ran it under the BARE minimal ram )

-

but its a bit of nightmare trying to figure out how things work...  one needs to understand the UNIX terminal and the lot...

 -

and all the applications for Linux is open source... while there are a large number of them... one still cant exactly use the old software one is used to(at least Mac has a lot of port overs from windows)

-

haha

if i ever get a non-apple machine in the future

I'll consider ubuntu over Vista or Windows 7 (the next fiasco MS is likely to commit, nice doing away with the mouse in favour of touch screens) 

-

will post on the choir "alto reunion" when i feel like it... haha

-

Alto of 05-06

Those were fun times =)

Tequila samba

choir yesterday... was rather tired out... a bit of a headache at anyrate... sectionals

-

but heh... was fun nonetheless

-

we plays some really lame defrosting games, haha that certainly cheered me up a bit

-

the eye contact game lol, the weird action game

-

"dont tilt you head"

-

lol

ah well

-

"prick their conscience"

-

Lol according to Janice... something must have pricked my conscience to come back to choir...

-

haha... yet

-

let it be I guess...

-

---

I wonder why i did join back... even after so much... and so little...

-

I guess its fine... I do get to talk to Sze Jet, Levin, Martin, amongst other people...  

-

but ah well

-

---

the complexities of human emotion

-

it is very possible to feel many things at the same time... and it adds to the confusion..

-

its possible to feel elated yet depressed, happy yet sad, extroverted yet lonely...

-

and tired, sian, yet enthusiastic

-

oh well...

Weird Dreams

well

-

I won't do a Kenneth and recall every single part of it

-

but well... excerpts for the sake of recalling it

-

cast: all the choir BB primers ppl(which is only 3 other people) 

-

Ding mysteriously transferred to my Chem class for some weird reason, and we just left the Lab

-

"I know what this means"... lol

-

and Eve and Feli suddenly become best of friends for some strange reason

-

and some random incident with a non existent fire hose next to the circular classrooms.

(don't worry I didn't murder eve with it, I'm not so sadistic or vengeful...)

---

ah well

-

at least I don't get ... ... ... nightmares anymore

-

rarrr...

-

---

heh

-

dreams are supposedly what happens to be at the back of one's mind...

-

and possibly what one might hope for...

-

but, they're still dreams in the end...

-

---

anyway

'yesterday' aka Wednesday, was the slackest school day for me this whole year

=.=

the idea of attending just 1 lesson in school only, and attending choir seems quite  a fun concept

-

Esp if it's one's favourite lesson, haha I love Bio.

-

NS medical check up

-

from drawing 4-5 vials of my blood(my arm still feels cramped after the NS guy poked my arm)

-

to other stupid random things

-

PES D

-

but that simply means to be determined

-

hopefully its a Pes C

-

wait for 1 month lor...

-

and some random IQ test

-

total waste of time

-

although it was amusing to hear the RJC guy swear

"oh F*** , I forgot my differentiation"

-

the duration was about 1 hour, as compared to the 4-5 hours stated to the letter

-

walked to church after that, got changed

-

after which went to Habourfront Vivo for an early lunch, and walked around a bit

-

was really empty

-

Compared to what i was used to on Sundays.

-

wanted to buy Paddy Clarke from Page One, no $$$

poo

-

went back to school, slacked in library until about 2

-

bio class

-

choir(in which I ended up getting chased out of the CPA for voicing my reservations about yoga)

-

and Stuart wasn't around

-

which means the tenors were in a little trouble

-

i wonder

-

how did I end up being one of the anchor singers,along with SongY

-

and after SongY left... lol

only me

-

---

ah well

-

its stupid right...

the more one tries not to think about stuff

the more likely it'll pop up in unexpected places

-

haiz

-

a Labour day to labour on my WL

-

oh well

-

good think I'm not dreaming about Hedda Gabler and Bernarda Alba. the same way i ended up dreaming about exams during Os...

Song of joy...

http://5implyworship.blogspot.com/search?q=%27i+wish%22

It suddenly occurred to me that the number of times the phrase "I wish" appears on my blog is ridiculous

-

oh well

back to choir

-

skipping the yoga thingy... while most people says its okay, i say it 'might' be okay , but I'll rather be safe than sorry

-

Ding...

-

---

and a nice jazzy a cappella arrangement to learn..

-

The Way You Look Tonight

-

some day...

when I'm awfully low...

when the world is cold...

I will feel a glow...

just thinking of you...

and the way you look tonight...

-

but you're lovely...

with your smile so warm...

and your cheeks so soft...

there is nothing for me but to love... you...

just the way you look tonight

-

with each word...

your tenderness grows...

tearing my fear...apart...

and that laugh....

that wrinkles your nose...

touches my foolish heart...

-

you're lovely...

never never change...

keep that breathless charm...

won't you please arrange it...

'cause I love... you...

just the way you look... tonight...

-

---

FireAC this morning

something new

something refreshing

-

blessed be Your name

-

in whatever circumstance

-

Blessed be Your name

-

cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day...

Alohomora

oh well

I should really keep my hands to myself

-

gray biscuit snapping off with a black/brown frozen chocolate bar

-

a lot to say, but is there really a point

-

oh well

-

another time to move on

-

and let God take care i guess

-

anyway

will join back with you guys soon i guess... maybe... i can salvage what's left of the shambles

and pick up those dusty sandals

-

Dusted sandals

This is what the LORD says: You are not the one to build me a house to dwell in. (1 Chron 17:4)

-

If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. (Matt 10:14)

-

sighz... its not an easy choice

but perhaps

its time for me to move on from choir... 

and let others fulfill the ministry

-

yet perhaps, I still want to do FOA

maybe... 

-

but clashing commitments, bad relationship with Teacher i/c, and an overall sianness

-

and where is God in this ministry?

-

but I'll just entrust the people into His hands

ah well

pray for them

and maybe after I'm gone, perhaps...

-

---

pseudo choir camp

morning to BB

drill

sizing syndrome, irritating... pfff

-

and LM and petrina crowded around me later, petrina wisely parted me from amanda

they were at YLS

-

ah well

when will the friendship be restored, so much for us being so cold to each other?

sighz

eitherways

-

youth leaders summit

a number of ppl werent around

-

charles Ng Bday

lol

-

bethany

BS - a conviction that scared me to the core

-

a crying man

reading chinese prayers, distributed by Grace Methodist Church interestingly

-

later back in school

-

eating w/o appeitite

-

nadine sprawled at the fountain... lol she looked like a corpse

-

_________

_

walking to tim's place

primers room with dan, fab, petrina and amanda

-

Oliver Twist Loke by Charles Dickens Ng

lol

-

Dan's chips

-

photos of heart shaped chips

-

haiz

somehow

the cold attitude still hurts me

althought I alr got over it

-

---

choir camp:

went over to join them for day games

and apparently they werent expecting my arrival

-

and maria conviently left out my stuff

after the really shocking conviction I had gotten earlier to share

-

anyway

I left them at that moment

went back to the primers room to pray

and got the 2 verses above

was already expecting that

-

went over to tims

-

EE

oliver's party joined by evelyn and dan

-

translations, apparently evelyn still refuses to talk to me

-

the food was REALLY GOOD

-

ah well

made up for the wasted $15

-

fusion last part

-

and although I was still a little sceptical

-

remebering XL's vision:

Old Audi packed with people worshiping the Lord

-

remembering:

if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out.(Luke 19:40)

-

---

QT for 1 hour with tim

-

walking tim back to his house

-

hiding from ranjee

talking with ding

-

sleeping in the primers room with Mr Alan Lee( who conviently koped both sleeping bags)

church on sunday

---

ah well

got a new pair of sandals =)

lol totally random

that we may sing praises and not be silent...

the choir motto, years back...

-

sighz

-

it always makes me wonder, why am I still in this dying ministry of choir

-

although i guess there are stuff to look back on 

-

choir used to be fun, I remember the years of sec1-4, 

1)Perth trip

2)carolling

3) choir camp games

4) Haven

5) mugging in the choir room before O levels

6) Alto ASL

7) SYF GOLD 2005

-

of course there were not so nice times

1) SYF 2003

2)vocal training

-

but I remember those days

-

---

Jeremy Goh was a person who was an inspiration to a sense, to learn to pick up keyboard, to be more passionate about showing Christ to the choir members

and there was also Collin Ho

and others

---

ah well they're all gone

all's left is Martin,

Shaun changed

Han An quit

Issac poh quit

Luke quit

-

John See lost faith

Ti Wan Feng lost faith

-

Rodney/Levin still remain the same, good friends , yet I wish they knew Him

-

Jeremy left(graduated)

Kenneth Yeo left(graduated)

Collin Ho left (graduated)

-

Christine Lek quit

-

and now Felicia quits

-

nothing much to say

choir hasnt been as fun as it used to be,

-

I remember the last choir camp

the saturday in which the primer(y5 then) had trouble praying or somthing

the saturday in which I wasnt around

the saturday before... it all began... sometime I wish, I didn't miss that parade, a part of me blames that day for everything that happened... 

-

sighz

As I look, as most of my friends slowly left

and when I given up so much already

perhalps its natural that I would one day go as well

leave this dying ministry behind

-

yet maybe, Ding has been encoraging many a time

-

and maybe I should remain faithful to the task which God lead me to years ago

"the night is darkest before the day breaks"

-

or maybe God wants me to move on...

I dunno

-

perhaps

this choir camp

would You make an impact?

-

yet 

if none of us seek You

how can You come down?

-

sighz

When the Music fades

FOA over on friday... ... finally can get my life back from choir... and end my my career as a "Professional Procrastinator" (Quote from a convo in April)
-
oh well... disappointed ... in a sense, the people i wanted to turn up didnt turn up, and no one to say hi to at the end of the concert , while i see people get cheered, flowers, chocs, outside the dance studio, all I had was a collection of clothes from my mum before rushing down to join the FireAC ppl downstairs...
-
I guess i wasnt the only one, Evelyn probaly was also, with Tim disappearing for the "reach out to UYO" FireAc thingy before the end of the concert... and oh well...
-
memories of Haven , the CPA , the warmup room , the dance studio, the girls all having fun taking pictures of each other... and well...
-
bye to all the y6 alto girls, Theo, Ethel, Xuan, Sze, thanks for all the fond memories as an alto last year , and all the best for your exams
-
bye to the other y6 tenors too i guess, Clement(dispite me half hating you at first lol, i guess after sometime it was ok), Collin, Jeremy Goh, Soon kai, Chris Ow,
-
bye to Kenneth Yeo, thanks for all you've done for the choir, and tried to bring God back to the Picture, yet... i guess time to say good bye, while I attempt to continue the ministry, with Jeremy and you gone...
-

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while thats all over, while I went over downstairs for the reach out to UYO thingy...
and God was so real, as I cried... the same way I've seen other people cry when they were touched by God, something which I haven't done since Plunge
-
slept over for 4 hours in school before waking up to a cheese sandwich breakfast, bus to Queenstown, 2 run thrus of the NDP, this time no "XL sms" problems, while taking random pictures, and strange looks, and ...
-
before heading back, Wesley Birthday, Cao's crazy singing, BS, lunch with Tim...
"if XL sees me within 10m distance of ... ... he will slap me"
Tim hiding in a Box, and Tessa for once encoraging me to take a picture of him...
"you are not very good at hiding"
-
while, i wonder... why
-
off to church for worship prac from 3-6, resting in church from 1-2
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while the soloist keyboardist problems still there, working with a full band, haven't done it since Koinonia, and I remember me and Tim competeing with each other that time
-
even so... as the music fades... as all these times, FOA, gone... ...
-
even so... its been 24 weeks since that week in Feb, and half a year has gone by
-

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while TnT, DC, reminding me of the prayer meeting in 16 Feb,
-
memories... ... ...
-

Epistasis

I'll do an XL… for today
-
"You don't look like the choir, choir sort" says Gina Ong
-
"All the more that means you are a dark Horse" says Tim Lim
-
"I think Evelyn is a darker Horse" says me
-
"Personal Space invader" says Tim Lim
(HL2 Math class)

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"You all like to backdoor me" says Tim Lim
-
(HL1 Bio class)
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"I'm need to go for Chinese at 3pm" says Tim Lim
-
"I also need to go at 3" says John Tay
-
"I need to go for choir at 3" says me
-
"Ha ha I'm the only one who doesn't need to go at 3" says Amanda
-
"That means you are the odd one out" says me
-
While walking to the Primer Room to get briefed by J. Ng after HL1 bio class

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"要表演了，你们要脱上衣了" says the CPAC teacher
-
"I'm getting freaked out" says Evelyn
(Combined choir/guitar/CPAC FOA Full dress rehearsal)

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"No I'm not pissed with Ranji, I can't be bothered to waste my time on that ****" says J. Chiam

(I agree with him, Ranji is a ****)

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While that's over and done with … … whatever … … tired beyond all measure physically emotionally, and perhaps even spiritually if I'm not careful
-

---

-
Remembering yesterday, left HL1 Bio class 40 minutes early, while Ruma was busy trying to explain Epistasis to Amanda and a few others who didn't understand the concept … …
-
Epistasis: A gene that overides another Gene when it is activated. E.g. Albinos gene
-
It doesn't matter if gene is trait 1 or 2, as long as the epistasis Gene is activated, the phenotype will override the first gene.
-
If G represents the recessive epistasis gene that overrides L, it doesn't matter if the person has L^YL^Y , L^YL^N ,L^NL^N , if he has gg, the gene L will not be expressed in the phenotype.
-
Yet I have to miss more Bio lessons tmr, having to leave at 4 (40 minutes gone =( )
and Ruma is telling me that I missed a lot ×p
-
That feeling of sadness yet, little off shoots of happiness? Hating myself for thinking… and still being trapped like that for so long?
-
Give me Your Joy Lord.
-
No one else could satisfy my Soul….Only You Lord only You
-

So Loved

an interesting thing... after I blogged my last post, my QT material(which i did after blogging )happened to be from the same passages as the inspiration for the song...
-

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Saturday...
-
while BB in the morning, with fewer than usual numbers (No Tim to Swan me at least =P)
-
Charles Ng(come at 730 i wont be late , and he arrived at 745). I came at 738 thinking i was late... opened the door, ... ... , to find no Charles Ng lol...
-
pinching cheeks?
Maybe I notice too many things...
-
marching prac... as if to make up for yesterday's "XL you don't have to sms me again "(Tim) thingy... right... lol... tried timing, but super rusty liao.. cant time for nuts now...
-
then after that Sentosa... even though i was supposed to be back at 1230 for choir... then realising even less people i thought were going...(no Tim, no Wesley,...) but even so it wasn't exactly a waste... the BS on Honoring parents was thought provoking... and well...
-
A sprained/twisted foot or ankle , i dunno how you describe it, all I know was that
1)it hurt when I applied pressure(walking/standing) on my right foot
2) It left me limping since then , although it much better now
-
the weather decided to rain down hard, was stuck in sentosa eating 7 eleven bryani before leaving at 1 o clock with Malcolm, Asher(Sec 2), and Jeremy, shared Cab with Asher to school... and limped into choir at 130, an hour late, luckily no scolding, but a stern frown from Ranji and Dorton...
-
choir ended, bruised my pocket, ego and brain cells with a swensen lunch with Shaun Hanan Martin and Ansom, with the usual bitching at each other... and expensive meal
-
while swensen was playing all the nice emo westlife songs... nice combi... getting my brains wrecked at one side and the emotions tugged at the other...
-
Cold rock ice cream(supported by hanan and martin being walking sticks for me, my foot was killing me), before dragging/limping to the bus top with a severe pain... to sit down waiting for the 970 to arrive, saw Joash,(lol why do i always meet him out of nowhere,),boarded and alighted the bus ,dragged myself back from the bus top to my house(nearly 2km =( OUCH... )before collapsing into the bathtub, showering, and collapsing unto my bed.

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Sunday
-
Church... clicking and limping around trying to fix projector issues(both at JY and Main 2nd service)
-
yet while sitting down, instead of standing up, and while Mervin was leading worship, the sensation of feeling ... so loved... by God...
-
while the other emotions are there, and they still come to me, almost all the time, thinking about... but ... , Jesus You should be my first Love...
-
You first loved me... I never knew what love was until You came into my life...
-

---

while it remains to be seen, God asking me to go for Mission trip to Khon Kaen again in December this year? A sort of confirmation from Matthew? If church camp was to recharge, yet whats the point of charging a full battery?
-
Give me Your Guidance
-
I will run to You...
-

"Issac"

I want to quit choir... hmm no exco/music comm positions for me, (not really surprising) anyway...
while it seems that I am not really appreciated in choir as much as in BB... ... evident since that start of this year in tenor section..
yet the 2 things that are stopping me so far...
1) love of music(lesser degree)
2)and more importantly
to see the salvation of many of those who dont know Him yet
-Song yeong
-Rodney
-Levin
-Reno
-WenJie
- and countless others...
--------
if only their hearts could be soften and You would would move and touch their hearts... and they would be saved....
-
I spoke to rodney before... planted and watered.... Lord... make it grow...
and Lord... help...
-
gave up a lot for choir...... and... well...
-
gave little for BB in contrast
-
and I still get more from BB.
-
and that is the sad truth...
-

---

-
a tingling sensation, that seems so wonderful yet so terrible...
-
a bitter poison
and sweet cranberry juice
and broken Hg thermometers, S powder and Delta H...Delta S and Delta G

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Today:
Milk, Limmdt, Gam,Venr,Chrt,Gong, Chiamck, Gong, Limmdt, Gam, Paut, Joae, Rumb, Jonz,Theh, Jkam,Vijr, nitramtwy,

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Corn counting , an amaizing Prac
-
=)
oh well
God will be my strenght... through it all...

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and Tim could you look more cheer-uped.... you are starting to make me depressed with that contemplative stressed out look.
lol =P