"Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future. Today is a gift - which is why they call it the present."
-- Bill Keane
And while we never forget the lessons (and hurts or regrets) of the past, we look forward to what is to come in the future.
And we cherish what we have now, because it’s what makes the difference
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
...the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil…
for You are with me….
Your rod and staff they comfort me…
why am I so scared if there’s nothing to be scared about?
all but meaningless to me…
but only because of the grace of the One who has seen me though the past year
and who will see me through the next one and so on…
Entering this Acad year with new expectations and hopes.
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Seems too silly to set goals and stuff, so I guess its:
“Whatever happens, Jesus, You’ll be in control… help me to recognise that… and trust that...”
We wonder where dreams and hopes go…
of innocent ideas of some ‘perfect one“ to come
when reality strikes, we realise that the ”one“ will never be perfect…
its just the question of whether it’s the right time, the right moment, the right person, and the right circumstances…
In God’s perfect time, place and plan…
DISCLAIMER:
The choice of music above is not an indication of any endorsement of the Twilight saga(Movie, not the book). For that matter, I choose the lyric video instead of the MV as I do not need pictures of Kristen Steward and Robert Patterson contaminating my blog…
Most of my friends will probably know my disdain for the theology and practices of the City Harvest Church. I personally object to its doctrines and teachings on prosperity, the “lottery tithe” incentives, and now, the possible fraudulent accounting.
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However at the current state of affairs, with the MSM launching a full on assault against CHC and in essence, the Church in singapore, and the number of spiteful and hurtful comments by Christians (who ironically were not the donors of the CHC funds)
(2 Cor 2:6-8)
If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.
In essence, we should support and pray for Pastor Kong Hee, while not making assumptions of his guilt or innocence until the investigations are over. While his theology and lifestyle may not be congruent to what christian living should entail, he is after all , still a brother in Christ. I believe that God has a intention with regard to this incident, and CHC, the church in Singapore, and Pastor Kong Hee will come out from this incident stronger. It is not prosperity that makes a Christian grow, it is the tests, trials and temptations that build out faith.
My summarised thoughts on the whole incident:
1. I think if the allegations of deceit and CBT are true as reported by the MSM are true, it is clearly wrong and horrible. Kong Hee and his CHC board must face the music for the damage this incident has done to the church's reputation. Deceit and money laundering is clearly against biblical values
2. However equally bad are the christians who are pouring out fire, hell and brimstone and quoting "go to hell" verses at Kong Hee and CHC. it is completely contrary to the teachings of Christ and the apostles.
3. When everything blows over, CHC, churches and other christian organisations should do a postmortem and see what went wrong. Why was there no one to keep a check on Kong Hee and the board's decisions? I suspect its a classic case of groupthink in CHC.
4. Kong Hee intent is not inherently or deliberately evil. He did not found City Harvest as a means to fleece people of their money. In fact he requested not being paid a salary, but the board insisted until the mid 2000 decade. What probably happened was a slow bit by bit compromise to lead to the lavish lifestyle he leads now.
5. The prosperity gospel is clearly wrong and contrary to biblical teachings. However too few people have dared to stand up against it and shoot it down. It's our responsibility as Christians to warn others about its allure, and convict and convince our church leaders on its dangers.
I write this post with a mixture of sadness and intrigue with regard to what other call “abnormal psychology”
Firstly, abnormality is a strange thing, What does one consider abnormal? Why do we need to label a person abnormal? and what causes a person to be abnormal?
I remember when I was young, child pathopsychology was still shrouded in myth and ignorance. Psychiatrists ascribed a whole variety of “psychological” disorders to me, to explain what was ‘deviant’ from normal social functioning. A few of them included ADHD, Dyslexia, Work inhibition, and others. Still others I knew received diagnosis of conduct disorder, Asperger’s syndrome, ODD, GDD… the list goes on…
The effects of such labelling were not very healthy. Classmates, teachers and others saw me differently because of this stigma of being different. I had few close friends, and would probably fall under the social status of “unpopular children”. Others I knew also suffered under the system of bullying and social rejection in the context of the Singapore schools… yet somehow, I emerged well adjusted, facing up to adolescence with a strong sense of identity and self-worth, admitted into college and now studying psychology.
Others I knew did not end up in the same position as I did. I will not comment further, suffice to say, not every person labeled with a childhood psychological disorder emerged out of it well adapted. Also I strongly believe that it is not fair to categorise a person “abnormal” based on a set list of set criteria. Rather,many factors should be accessed on a continuous scale, to classify whether a person displays certain attributes.
So firstly, why is there a need to label an individual abnormal? On one hand, it is convenient for professionals to know what form of treatment and therapy is appropriate to correct maladaptive behaviour and reasoning. However in doing so, we create the stigma of discrimination and stereotypes of individuals who receive such a diagnosis. Such people end up becoming an “out-group” prejudiced against by individuals who are not affected by these disorders. Furthermore, these would create a self-fulfilling prophecy, individuals who are treated as “psychological disorders” would end up behaving in response to such treatment, further reinforcing any negative stereotypes and prejudices. Education of caregivers, family members and social contacts is required to prevent such incidents from happening.
Secondly what causes a person to be abnormal? For some cases, such as schizophrenia, a clear biological basis can be established. However many of the cases may stem from environmental factors. Last year, I attended a session by SPARK (Society for the Promotion of ADHD Research and Knowledge). A ‘new comer’ parent introduced herself, mentioning that she suspected her daughter may exhibit signs of ADHD. I was rather taken aback; without a proper diagnosis, how can we “confirm” that a person has this disorder? She mentioned that she noticed some quirks about her child, did up some research on the internet and came to the conclusion that her child possess this disorder. Personally, I do not think that does not present sufficient evidence to back up this suspicion. If merely reading up facts about the symptoms of a disorder made a me a qualified person to diagnosis others, I would say that the vast majority of college students suffer from generalised anxiety disorder during the exam periods, and display signs of acute stress disorder after a particularly difficult paper. I would also say that a number of members of my family suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and quite a few of my female friends suffer from body dysmorphic disorder.
If a parent treats a child with the suspicion that she has a psychological disorder, chances are, a self-fulfilling prophecy may result. Lower self-esteem, along with displaying symptoms of the disorder may occur, and thus result in the manifestation of this disorder. Another case to consider: Anti-social personality disorder. Let say a person has had many issues of hate, violence, and bitterness in one’s childhood. Maladaptive coping, including blaming others, inappropriate discharge of aggression and low threshold of frustration may result, and carry over in adulthood.
So how does one treat individuals with psychological disorders? Drugs are one option - however many individuals, including myself, are wary of administering medicine that would interfere with our cognitive function, personality, and sense of self. (I refused to take Ritalin when I was younger). Some religious groups(including christians) in Singapore ascribe demons and spiritual influences on a persons behaviour; exorcism and “casting out” demons would be their method of treatment. However, I am strongly against such a stance. For one, I do not believe that spiritual influences on a persons behaviour would be removed unless an individuals renounces his/her affiliation with such beings(personal sin, etc). Secondly, more often than not, other influences are also working side by side, we cannot merely blame demons for causing a persons behaviour. Finally, forcing a person to undergo rituals of exorcism is humiliating, and violates his/her personal rights, which may lead to more maladaptive thinking and reasoning, eventually culminating in a manifestation of a worse disorder.
What I call for is this, acceptance of a persons individuality, social support, counselling and therapy, and drugs only if necessary or requested. Acceptance of a person and creating a positive sense of worth is important in the treatment of abnormality. Without it, a person will not be motivated to continue treatment. Furthermore, social support is key to allowing a person to cope with the issues faced. Counselling appropriate therapy allows one to slowly change one’s pattern of thinking and relinquish maladaptive thoughts and feelings.
*while making this post, I made reference to some individuals I know. For the sake of confidentiality, their names have not been mentioned.
if there’s nothing to be said
let it be so…
If it’s the right thing to do. I guess I’ll leave it as that.
don’t want to be imposing
I don’t really need to care what people say about me
I guess I just need to trust that God will take care of everything in His time…
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell.
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well…
hmm…
I wonder as this semester comes to a close
because we learnt so much, but there’s so little time…
And there’s no need to say anything I guess…
Stress, crazy things, lack of sleep, but it was good nonetheless…
Do I dare?
or forever hold your peace…
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Maybe I’ve been so obsessed about the “right time”
that by the time I try, it seems like it’s too late?
So the question is whether its better to come clean right at the start
or wait and see…
perhaps in the case of ambiguity
its best to rely on informative social influence…
Rejoice, young man, while you are young, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Follow the inclination of your heart and the desire of your eyes, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement.
(Ecc 11:9)
or just go with what I feel and think - the reliance on the amygdala that characterises young adolescence thinking…
I don’t want to end up becoming a ‘creep’ though
also I keep denying it
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but I also can’t say I never thought about it…
because I think everything is going to be just fine (:
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A new week is a new start, a new beginning
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So lets leave the past behind, and look ahead to better things (:
Sometimes, these few days, it seems like I’m living out multiple facades and identities…
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A) there’s a part of me thats become very cynical and disconnected with my emotions. It’s also starting to doubt whether God know’s what He’s doing. Fits of moodiness, anti-social behaviour and bitterness accompany this identity
B) There’s a part of me that desires to be a better person for God, who believes strongly in social causes and justice. Believes that everything happens for a reason, and that God is just using trials to shape me to a better person...
C) There’s a part of me that is really very upset, and doesn’t like what’s going on. He’s fighting with A and doesn’t want it to ruin my life, especially the friendships that are important to me
D) There ‘s a part that thinks it’s better to move on. He says that “things like this just happen”. He reminds me that there are also a lot of other people who value me as a person, and probably I’ll find another person who’s suitable for me in time to come…
‘D’ randomly initiates conversation with certain people, transferring my previous emotional attachments to them, almost as if it were a rebound effect.
Attitudes and reasons - introspection can lead to a behavioural change
Also behaviour can give us assumptions on our own internal state when we’re not too clear whats going on.
Whatever it is that happens after this. I’ll be more careful and not repeat mistakes again.
However I think personality ‘A’ is causing me to have dysfunctional attitudes and behaviour towards others… and I’m seemingly becoming increasingly isolated… ‘A’ seems to manifest itself under certain stress conditions…
Thank God for other friends in the meantime…
‘C’ shows itself in the quiet of my room, where I’m left with only myself…
‘B’ is still dominant when I’m asked about how I feel towards social causes, in CF, or during tutorial discussions about social frameworks to help special needs kids…
For that matter, I may sound like a Dissociative Identity Disorder(DID - also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) sufferer in this post. Except I still consider myself as one person, and each facade is just a part of how I’m coping with the situation now. yay.
Also because I’ve just read a book about DID for background reading - so points about DID are particularly salient in my mind now…
and that’s the first person today who mentioned it (out of the last 5 tutorials..)
Being an obnoxious know-it-all isn’t what I’ll usually want to do…
usually it involves someone catching me and telling me that I’m talking too much and me shutting up.
But I don’t really care anymore
At least I’m not useless and stupid and worthless.
I WANT TO STOP the stupid thoughts that keep cropping up..
Study hard indeed… I don’t need to right?…
Screw life and all the disappointments it likes to throw at me..
Yet I’m trying to move on and know life is more than this… help…
Starbucks… running around… in the effort to distract myself from everything...
